Black Book of Poetry & Lyrics I

This book is dedicated to
all those oppressed NZ children, women and men
who are casualties of abuse and neglect
by the NZ government

Stand up for your rights to a decent life

The Black Book
A poetic heart enlightened by the darkness
designed, written, illustrated & published by

JR Murphy
Papawai Poetry Press
Wairarapa, NZ

(c) 2013

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Most recent poems first (beginning April 2013):

INDEX

96. Dissension Envy Hate
95.   John Key Needs Rent-A-Bitch
94.   We’re Not Shares To Be Traded
93.  I Wish I Was Dead
92.  Low Hanging Fruit
91.  The Fight For Freedom
90.  Sick Little Game
89.  Our National Anthem Promised Me
88.  Unequal Uneconomy
87.  Living on Welfare
86.  Don’t Blame Me, Blame Them
85.  Kill Me Quick
84.  Shopping Makes Me Very Sad
83.  Hide Crimes Behind Skirts & Ties
82.  Ode To The Commission
81.  HDC Threw Me In A Bin
80.  The Listener Won’t Listen
79.  Rich Bastards Authority
78.  Being Bullied
77.  Wairarapa Human Sewage
76.  Hurry Mr Ombudsman
75.  What Business Plan
74.  Medication Slave Ship
73.  Go To Hell, Yeah
72.  Freedoms Denied
71.  Somethings Wrong Tony Ellis
70.  The Big Nothing
69.  Ngati Ra
68.  Red Tape Whores
67.  Blackwater Blues
66.  Rescue Me
65.  Wasps In The Beehive
64.  John Miller Law
63.  Tow The Line
62.  Please Tell Me Why
61.  There’s Rules
60.  Drown Your Pain
59.  Paid Loser
58.  I Been Crying
57.  The Torture Wheel
56.  Help Me Minister
55.  Dead Calm
54.  Knockin On Hells Door
53.  Hey Jayne
52.  Words To Be Heard
51.  Why Who What When Where How
50.  Living Pain, Living Hate
49.  The Crushers
48.  Badly Treated
47.  Lanterns of Wisdom
46.  Swimming
45.  Empower Me
44.  Take Your Blinkers Off
43. It’s Your Fault Not Mine
42.  Backlash Blues
41.  Show Me How To Live
40.  Rehabilitation Is All I Ask
39.  No Reason To Stay
38.  Dying Of Suicide
37.  Feeding The Habit
36.  Stand Up
35.  Slaving Class Hero
34.  Shame
33.  Long Way To A Fuck
32.  Taei’s Angels
31.  Take Another Piece
30.  Hard Rock Singer
29.  Write On
28.  Journalists Are Maggots
27.  Smoke In The Water
26.  Vomit
25.  My Father’s House
24.  Highways Of Hell
23.  My True Love
22.  Mr Hard Worker
21.  Asian Bitch
20.  Stupid Mother Fuckers
19.  Just Ain’t No Good
18.  Broken
17.  Writhing In Pain
16.  ACC Mental Health Mother Fuckers
15.  Tell Me Why
14.  Let’s Stop This Fucking Shit
13.  Scream The Rage
12.  Black Water
11.  Just Another Hypocrite
10.  Bring Them To Their Knees
9.  Mean Hearted People
8.  We Will Fuck You
7.  Ruth Dyson’s Whipping Post
6.  Ode To A Select Committee
5.  Evil Lives Inside Me
4.  Go To Hell
0 ,  Knockin on Heavens Door
3.  3 Finger Protest
2.  Wherefore Art Thou ACC
1.  I Want To Come In From The Cold

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96.   Inequality

Inequality, greed, poverty create.
Resentment, dissension, envy, hate.
Please Anthem protect us from this fate.

95.  John Key Needs Rent-A-Bitch

Intelligent, educated, free and proud
Honest, responsible, dedicated, loud
I’m no John Key Rent-a-Crowd

Stupid, ignorant, greedy, rich
Irresponsible, corrupt, neo-liberal which
Is why John Key needs Rent-a-Bitch

(In response to his comment about the beach protesters who turned out against deep sea oil drilling in New Zealand.)  Chalk bombed parts of Wellington with this poem, outside police and military buildings & Premier House.

94.  We’re Not Shares To Be Traded

We’re not shares to be traded
We’re not pawns in a game
We’re not doing OK
And we’re not the ones to blame!

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93.  I WISH I WAS DEAD

Oh God I wish I was dead
Shot with a bullet through the head

I can’t take any more degradation
From the state, the media, the nation

You refuse me the care I am owed
Leave me writhing under this heavy load

You hate, you neglect, you abuse
Justice, health care and respect you refuse

You censor, you mislead and you lie
While thousands I know suffer and die

New reforms are a turn of the wheel
Writhing pain, fear disappointment I feel

Oh God I wish I was dead
Didn’t have to deal with this shit in my head

Those thoughts of self-harm coming back
Want to see the blood from within be without

End

(Sent this to Katrina Shanks, Judith Collins, the media and a few others, in response to government welfare reforms.)

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92.  Low Hanging Fruit

Low hanging fruit cut the tail
We’ll screw you through the mail
ACC and mental health
Politicians, those with wealth

Directors, Boards, Committees, Chairs
Responsibility’s never theirs

Low hanging fruit cut the tail
We’ll screw you hammer and nail
Hang you out to dry
In the fires of hell leave your to die

Reception, Call Centre, Secretary
Told to hang up when words get scary

Low hanging fruit cut the tail
We’lll screw you so you fail
Send our bullies round to visit
Now that’s not playing fair is it

Police, security, health legislation
Used for torture in this nation

Low hanging fruit cut the tail
We’ll screw you make you wail
Provide no way to get off
The torture wheel the road too rough

Doctors, counsellors, health providers
So many ignorant right-wing insiders

End

Outside ACC Aitken St

I chalked this last year about November as I had my broken leg at the time and remember how hard it was.

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91.  The Fight For Freedom

Find your freedom in a smoke
Find your freedom in a drink
Find your feedom in the drugs you’re taking
Now please just stop and think

Freedom, I want freedom

Find your freedom in a car
Find your freedom in a plane
Find your freedom in four weeks a year
When you play their class war game

Freedom, you want freedom

Freedoms found among free souls
Freedoms rights unconquerable
Freedoms found among those who oppose
Neo-liberal, right-wing rule

I want freedom, I want freedom

Freedoms not in a book of fiction
Freedoms not in someone’s songs
Freedoms not in front of a TV screen
That’s not how you right the wrongs

If you want freedom, if you want freedom

You join the fight for freedom
Use you pens as swords I ask
Join the fight for freedom
And get of your fucking arse

Freedom, you gotta fight for freedom

Freedoms not in student debt
Freedoms not in unpaid fines
Freedoms not in ignorant bigots
Blaming the disabled for their crimes

Freedom, we want freedom

Freedoms not in education
Freedoms not just for the rich
Freedoms not in unemployment
It’s on the internet, airwaves and streets

Freedom, yeah ya want freedom

Stop the food bill in its tracks
Raise all taxes to the rich
Make the media stick to the facts
Drop free trade cause it’s a bitch

Our freedom, Our freedom
Oh yeah  x 5 (jam)

How do you fight for freedom
When you don’t know you’re a slave
How do you fight for freedom
When you’re government trained to behave

Don’t throw away freedom, don’t throw away freedom
Oh yeah

Join the fight for freedom
Use your pens as swords I ask
Join the fight for freedom
Get off your fucking arse

Freedom, fighting hard for freedom
Freedom, fighting hard for freedom
Freedom, fighting hard for freedom

(Chord Am, sung in the style of Marianne Faithful – my heroin.)

……

A 21st century New Zealand freedom song – how sad and yet how amazing.

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90.  Sick Little Game

When the rich and powerful become greedy and cruel
And those that support them are easily fooled

When the New Zealand government has forgotten its role
Our entire society pays the heaviest toll

When taxes for the rich are kept way to low
Those disabled and poor take blow after blow

When those with the money jobs they do not create
In a decent society from the rich we must take

Murder and violence, addiction and crime
Those running our country do this all the time

Take away care, drive people insane
Kill yourself or another in their sick little game

Pass law after law to control everyone
Use a violent police force, steal your money, use a gun

Addict those voters with cash to shopping and sports
While those at the bottom are in news reports

Hide crimes behind rich skirts and ties
Self-righteous bigots who use propaganda and lies

When dissension envy hate and corruption are where we are now
Out-of-touch right-wing elitists are the ones with the power

When honesty and compassion, fairness and love
Guide those that lead us with help from above

All our lives and our planet will be better off then
Once the people wake up but When God Oh When!

End

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89.  Our National Anthem Promised Me

Set us free from degradation
Dissension corruption cruelty
God defend this free land
Like our national anthem promised me

They have taken away the jobs
Taken away the dignity
From thousands of our people
Once a valued part of society

They lied about the value
Of a free market and free trade
The lied about what it would do
Make rich richer while poorest degrade

They give more money and power
To those that need it not
Those that got us in this mess
Where so many are left to rot

Our society is dysfunctional
From inequality we must be freed
Our media refuse to spell it out
The root cause is power and greed

In this not enough jobs, welfare era
Political bigots know what they’ve done
Spin doctors use propaganda machines
To blame the jobless, our youth, single mums

National voters must be stupid
If they think people choose welfare
How can everybody have a job
When they’re in China and not here!

eND

Treasury, No 1 The Terrace, Wellington

Chalked outside Treasury, No. 1 The Terrace, Wellington on a ‘Chalk Bomb’ protest a group of us did during the Occupation of Maui’s Garden at Civic Square.

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88.  Unequal Uneconomy

On Parliament steps I sit and I cry
Someone stops, sits and hugs me, says I understand why

My cloak is a sign begging Please Help Me God
Those cruel that work here, do what for a job?

A police car glides past, my body tenses in fear
Will I be violently arrested, then my complaints they’ll not hear

They care not in the beehive for the broken-hearted in pain
When the desperation for care overwhelms my traumatised brain

People get paid to support politicians so cruel
Deny abused women and children, create suicide rocket fuel

To my left there are libraries with all the knowledge they need
There’s a church with a book I suggest that they read

Surrounding this place three courts of law
District, High court, Appeal and Supreme are all flawed

When it’s the government torturing you, neglecting you too
There are no lawyers, no judges, no justice for you

You’re forced to beg on hands and knees in the street
To write desperate words at rich people’s feet

For wanting and needing the care that laws say
When they won’t follow the rules there’s nothing left but to pray

Why don’t the media report on such stuff
About exposing the truth when we’ve all had enough

Because cruel people with jobs, freedom, power and money
Cruel people with a voice created this unequal uneconomy

Where once we all prospered under leaders who cared
Market forces took over now nothing is spared

Not the law, not the truth, not the people, not our sanity
Not the planet, our culture, our freedom, our humanity

Never End

From Parliament steps

From Parliament steps, where I wrote the poem, probably waiting to get arrested.

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87.  Living on Welfare

When you’re living on welfare
You lose your mates
And your family hates
You living on welfare

When you’re living on welfare
You pretend you’ve got money
When things just ain’t funny
Cause you hate being on welfare

When you’re on welfare
You miss out on heaps
So your broken heart weeps
While you’ve living on welfare

When you’re on welfare
People look but don’t see
The self-loathing to what degree
You’re degraded when relying on weflare

When you’re on welfare
You’re left to rot
If you need support, health care – not
You’re forced to exist on welfare

End

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86.  Don’t Blame Me, Blame Them

You resent me because I am hurt
Blame me because I don’t work
With health services refusing to help
Saying they have to keep tightening their belts
Ignoring laws made in the past
Ensuring in the rat race I’ll be last

If I was your daughter, your sister, your wife
I wonder if you’d care if it was their life

Living with a life-threatening disorder
Living on the edge on the border
Pushing down the pain you feel every day
Knowing cruel politicians gave the order

You hate me because I’m still hurt
When the torture wheel just doesn’t work
You blame me for the woes of this place
When it’s those at the top you should face
Why pick on someone with so litte
When I’m stuck with no help in the middle

What if I was your daughter, your sister, your wife
What if they said they wanted to take their own life

It’s those dishonourable ones who don’t care
For those abused left to rot on welfare
While their lives are free and fulfill all their needs
They prosper selfishly refusing to share

Dont blame me, blame them!

eND

28 Nov chalking 5

Chalked outside Parliament on Molesworth Street 2013.

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I was devastated and scared when National got back in at the last election, I knew it would mean three more years of more and more protests – and it has been.  I wrote this poem I felt so hopeless.

85.  Kill Me Quick

I’m a completely worthless waste of air
You chose a government that’s cruel not fair
Every National voter should kill me quick
Living life so degraded is sick

My story’s rejected by those on show
I’m rejected because of the things I know
My heart bleeds for all those bad things done
By people who say you deserve no-one

My kids have to live with a useless parent
Someone so worthless, well that’s apparent
10 years left rotting on welfare
Cause it’s not fiscally prudent to provide health care

Running round and round on their torture wheel
Getting whipped and beaten, so how do you heal
And when I tell someone of my plight
They attack me – LIKE I PICKED THIS FIGHT!

Every National voter must take the blame
For every suicide, our nation’s shame
For all those abused who get inadequate care
For those that hurt them the lion’s share

You find it abhorant those that abuse
Yet for those they’ve hurt, it’s neglect that you choose
Although our laws spell out the road
You leave us writhing under this heavy load

Nobody takes responsibility it’s true
Not the worker, the boss, politician, not you
You assure those at the top get money and praise
While those at the bottom you resent and degrade

God defend New Zealand
God defend our free land
From cruel right-wing elitists now running this place
Who’ve turned New Zealand into a fucking disgrace

eND

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84.  Shopping Makes Me Very Sad

I used to like grocery shopping
It was the only time I allowed myself to be ok about spending
I used to like grocery shopping
Now it makes me very very sad

As I walk around the isles
I try not to look at the food I’m not allowed
As I walk around the isles
All I want to do is cry, breakdown and howl

I can only buy the cheapest
Can’t afford the things I used to purchase
I can only buy the cheapest
Makes me feel really cheap and worthless

I try not to look around
Pick things up and put them back
I try not to look around
In the meat section I choose one thing for the week

Every item I pick up reminds me
Of the politicians and health services that put me here
Every item I pick up reminds me
All my family vote National and don’t want me near

Those things I choose
Mean I can’t pay to get my care repaired
Those things I choose
Mean I can’t get to Wellington asking to be heard

I buy butter to do some baking
I reminds me the CEO of Fonterra $2,500/hour he gets
I buy butter to do some baking
It reminds me the government wants to stop me selling a few scones at the market

My trolley isn’t very full
One layer on the bottom, just covering
My trolley isn’t very full
Others have a pile of nice things they’ll be eating

I used to like grocery shopping
Now it just reminds me how callous and mean our country has become
I used to like grocery shopping
Now it just makes me very very sad

Nov 2011

eNd

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83.  Hide Crimes Behind Skirts and Ties

My heart is low
My head is bowed
From the depths the hell does rise

I can hardly move
Nothing will sooth
My beaten heart no longer flies

CHORUS
The money men
Shake hands and then
Hide their crimes behind skirts and ties

Can see no future
Now a tortured creature
Looking out from blackened eyes

So much rejection
Like an injection
Of the suicidal size

CHORUS

Society
Don’t wanna see
How the system is full of lies

The torture wheel
Doesn’t care or feel
They’re trained to ignore your cries

CHORUS
The money men
Shake hands and then
Hide their crimes behind skirts and ties

eNd

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82.  Ode To The Commission

I want to eat and vomit
Fill the gaping hole then spew
Created by those nameless people
Who get paid to reject you

I want to slit my wrists
Watch the blood seep from within
Put a gun in my mouth
Shoot myself in front of them

Beat myself about the head
To stop this suicidal hell
That fills my heard when I’m refused
The care and justice of what they tell

Walk in front of a city bus
Feel the impact of the steel
End this life, this hell on earth
Be driven over by the wheels

Because they are cold and heartless
For you they do not care
They just smile and show no emotion
Then quickly get you out of there

They threaten you the police will come
Strip you of clothes and dignity
Will punish you for seeking justice
Take away your libert

If someone raped their child
Sodomized them and then
Would they fight for the truth and justice
Of what I tell them

eND

I wrote this poem after being reject by the Health and Disability Commission yet again, was really scarry, took me weeks to get over it, the photo is where I wrote it sitting on the bench.  When I sent a copy to the Health and Disability Commission they phoned the police and got their bullies the police to come round to visit.

SANYO DIGITAL CAMERA

Willis Street, Wellington

81.  HDC Threw Me In A Bin

A stranger gave me flowers
As I sat crying on the floor
In the foyer of a building
Where I’d been shown the door

Been told to leave or else
The police they would be called
Been told in all complaints
There was no point at all

The brochures they produce
The Code of Claimants Rights
Did not apply to those abused
To me who knows to fight

They stood before me cold
No humanity did I see
Refused to tell me details
Said blame the process don’t blame me

Told them you havn’t heard
I must have explained it wrong
When will I get the opportunity
To speak, get justice, how long

A stranger gave me flowers
But no beauty do I see
I just see a token gesture
An extravagant waste of money

No matter how beautiful our country
If the laws they are ignored
If commissions treat people with such disdain
Then everything is flawed

A stranger gave me flowers
And I threw them in a bin
Just like
HDC threw me in a bin

enD

SANYO DIGITAL CAMERA

Outside the Health & Disability Commission building in Wellington – took about 40 minutes to do the whole thing – it was worth it.

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80.   The Listener Won’t Listen

I wonder why the listener won’t listen
I send emails but no-one replies
I wonder why my story is worthless
When every day someone needlessly dies

I wonder why the listener won’t listen
Can only hypothesise as to why
I know those abused who suicide
Killed by the wasps in the beehive’s not a lie

I wonder why the listener won’t listen
They write stories of addiction abuse
Can’t accept that our culture of drugs
Starts with people feeling alone, of no use

I wonder why the listener won’t listen
Perhaps they can’t handle the truth
Can’t accept they represent bigots
Who are ignorant, irresponsible, no use

Think I know why the listener won’t listen
Think I know why what I say is ignored
Such serious neglect and disrespect for the laws
Puts the blame for abuse on the cause

ACC was given the mandate to heal
Those who suffer the affects of abuse
ACC was created by people who knew
That ignoring those hurt served no use

Of course it’s not just the laws made that say this
It’s not just what most of us know
It’s even written in the bible
So why are we allowing this hypocrite show

 10 years I’ve been asking these questions
10 years battling these red tape hoes
10 years left to rot on a benefit
While down the gurgla my country goes

enD

This poem was written after my story was rejected by The Listener magazine and a letter from some head ACC guy discrediting everything I said was printed by them – and I was allowed no reply.  Then I realised ‘the listener’ applied to many ignorant bigots who oppose what I do and what I am trying to achieve.

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79.   Rich Bastards Authority

They’re telling us every day
There’s no money left to pay
For rehab, health, ACC, welfare
They just don’t have it to spare

Yet today I get the Dom Post
See politicians getting a boost
Thousands of dollars more money
From the rich bastards authority

John Errington who the fuck is he
Does this one percenter charge a fee
He’s chairman of a government board
Where all budgets are ignored

Support all protests like Occupy
Give equality and justice a try
Stop pretending leaders are not to blame
Turning on those with so little, again

Rich cruel elitists trash hurt and poor
Unemployed the puss filled sore
While rich and powerful live up high
Candidates spout rhetoric why

Inequality is what we loath
Leaders have their treasure trove
While others live no socks, no shoes
No homes, no car, nothing to lose

Why pay so much for a shit job done
Give them money when there’s none
Pay cuts is what it should be
Sack the Remuneration Authority

This is one reason I chalk, sing and shout
This is just one thing I’m fucking angry about!

ENd

SANYO DIGITAL CAMERA

Outside the Terrace offices of the Remuneration Authority – plan to get trespassed from there this year when they put up all the executive salaries etc before xmas.  Had an argument with two young guys who said they owned the building, told them I didn’t give a shit what they said, this was a political protest I wasn’t going to stop chalking and they could piss off – wasn’t polite.  Also got abused by some young woman, she told me it was graffiti, then when I started talking about sexual abuse and rotting on welfare she started swearing.

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78.   Being Bullied

I’m being bullied and there’s no-one to tell
Beaten kicked and whipped, left in hell
I can’t find a lawyer, someone to care
I’ve read the laws, understand what’s in there

10 years of torture asking them why
Why do you ignore me, have left me to die
Why’s my life so worthless when others are not
If I had cancer this neglect it would stop

I have all the symptoms of traumatic stress
Have studied university books, the internet
I get no help rejected because
I believe in my spirit, my culture, my knowledge

I write to the paper, TV, radio
To those supposed to protect me I know
Say there’s laws that say this, laws that say that
Some that are good, others a brick bat

Human Rights laws with no power at all
Bill of Rights laws on which nobody can call
Laws only for lawyers and rich people to use
Laws made that meant something, now they’re abused

Laws that cost hundreds of thousands to create
Laws that protected the poor and the weak
Then came the wasps settled in the beehive
On which lawyers, accountants and bureaucrats now thrive

WHILE PEOPLE LIKE ME ARE LEFT TO DIE

Now there’s nobody taking responsibility
For the stings of the wasps in our capital city
Soldier ants fill our government buildings
Employed cause they’re soulless, ruthless, unquestioning

Like Marianne said they smile as they kill
And if you object you’re insane should take a pill
So if you’re one of those ants in a hill
I’m you worst nightmare, poet, artist, political

eNd

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77.   Wairarapa Human Sewage

I am human sewage the DHB decided so
Bob Francis said do nothing, pretend we do not know

Caring for the suicidal and sexually abused isn’t a problem here
Nobody’s going to listen to crazy Jayne, nobody out there

She’s been fighting for many years against neglect of the abused
We even got her poetry banned and services she’s now refused

She tried to throw the book at us and that proved what a joke
Those laws commissions and rules are when, protecting the poor the ill and weak

We’ll tell the papers we’re reviewing our human sewage plant
That we’ll make it better by employing those more insane and less money we will grant

The DHB human waste disposal sends its rubbish somewhere else
Pays other regions to deal with the crap that it can’t face itself

As the child murder capital of New Zealand we are know
As the place everyone covers up sexual abuse our reputation it has grown

I became human sewage due to rape and then neglect
Because I was treated like human sewage every day I can’t forget

There are laws and rules abound that say what they should do
But they choose to ignore them, the evil and insane are who?

enD

Sent a copy of this to Bob Francis and the Times-Age but was ignored – he just pretends he doesn’t know what I am talking about.

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76.   Hurry Mr Ombudsman

Please hurry Mr Ombudsman
Rescue me from this red tape war

Please hurry Mr Ombudsman
I’m on my knees at heaven’s door

Please hurry Mr Ombudsman
This war is such cruel hell

Please hurry Mr Ombudsman
There is evil down in this well

Please hurry Mr Ombudsman
Get me off this torture wheel

Please hurry Mr Ombudsman
I just want to work and heal

Please hurry Mr Ombudsman
This situation is so NOT RIGHT!

Please hurry Mr Ombudsman
Before my disorder wins the fight

Please hurry

Jayne

eNd

I had been begging the Ombudsman for help but they did nothing except call the police when I phoned on 1 March 2011.

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75.   What Business Plan

Hey Mr Key as a business man
What is in your business plan
For what reason do you exist
Mr Key give me a list

Your vision statement in few words
Your market, purpose, customers

You tell us all the time you care
About your customers’ hopes and fears
Those who do your work for you
Do you check that they do

Do you walk around this land
Check these things out first hand
Or do you just ignore the trends
Surround yourself with ‘yes’ women men

When things go wrong do you check
All have done their jobs their best
Do you sack liars, frauds and thieves
Do you check their abilities

You’re CEO, chairman of the board
You need to deal with those things ignored
Those things rocking our canoe our ship
Those things that are slowly sinking it

For 10 years now I’ve been saying
Something’s wrong with those you’re paying
I’ve tried every avenue that there is
Studied the health and welfare business

Told successive leaders what I know
For the most dysfunctional it’s just a show
And underneath this fasard
There’s discrimination, incompetence, disregard

Mr Key as prime minister
Don’t allow those ignorant and sinister
Who paint a picture of concern and care
When really they provide a torture wheel

I’ll write and sing, passionately I care
Louder and louder until you hear
I know I’m right because I’ve studied
They’re torturing people, the most bloodied

Don’t want to be your enemy
Just want to change our destiny
As an ally I’m more valuable
With strength forged in the fires of hell

So Mr Key when you think ahead
Be reminded of what you’ve read
Your vision statement most encompass all
It’s everyone’s business, now it’s your call

EnD

Emailed this to John Key, someone emailed back and said they had read it.

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(Lyrics inspired by Rolling Stones song Brown Sugar.)

74.   Medication Slave Ship

Medication slave ship bound for empty heads
Sold in every chemist throughout NZed
Brain-washed doctors think they doing alright
Yet there goes another life, just around midnight

CHORUS
Brown sugar we know you taste so good
Brown sugar just like a good drug should – yeah

Rich hearts are cold, though their blood runs hot
People of the house wonderin where it gunna stop
They only care if they doin alright
You shoulda heard them bleating just around midnight

CHORUS

Gotta be on your knees for brown sugar
That’s when it tastes so good
When you down in the mud brown sugar
Tastes just like it should

I bet their mothers were all middle class queens
And their friends were all sweet 16s
I’m no bigot and I know what they’re like
Shoulda heard me talk back just around midnight

Mmmm brown sugar, that’s why you taste so good
Get on the brown sugar, like any illegal drug should

I said yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
That’s why you taste so good
I said yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Just like a good drug should

Get down, get down, get down on brown sugar

eND

**********************************

(Rock/punk song – 2nd version))

73.   GO TO HELL – No-one Heals That Way

We’ve been here a long time
Doing the same shit
We’ve been here a long time
And we still don’t seem to fit
They fill our heads with bullshit
Until we feel real numb
And when we don’t believe their lies
They label us as dumb

GO TO HELL, GO TO HELL, GO TO HELL, YEAH (x2)

They punish us for needing help
Leave us alone all day
They punish us for seeking help
And no-one heals that way
Then when we fight against it
They come down on us like hell
They don’t care what life’s like at home
So long as we don’t tell

GO TO HELL, GO TO HELL, GO TO HELL, YEAH (x2)

They just deal with irrelevant shit
Don’t care what’s within us
Give us half a day of rehab
15 minutes of talk’s enough

GO TO HELL, GO TO HELL, GO TO HELL, YEAH (x2)

They all know it’s hard to live
When shit’s going on at home
The sooner you are outa there
The sooner you are gone
It doesn’t have to be like this
We can change it if we’re strong
It’s our lives they’re screwing with
We all know there’s something wrong

GO TO HELL, GO TO HELL, GO TO HELL, YEAH (x)

eND

There is another version of this song later in the book, about school.

********************************

72.   Freedoms Denied

Broke my first guitar string
Knockin on Sir Geoffry’s door
Broke my first guitar string
Singing for justice, care and more

Earned my first gold coin
Busking on heaven’s door
Earned my first gold coin
Singing for justice, care and more

Ascended their ivory tower
Delivered a message from heaven’s door
Please help me Law Commission
Please help me I implore

Why are basic freedoms denied
In this free country of mine
Why do we only aspire to freedom
When international agreements we signed

Why is there no freedom of speech
Why’s my freedom of expression denied
Why when I rage at injustice
Is my right to due process not applied

When I dare to make a difference
I dare to stand up for my rights
I dare to challenge the system
I refuse to give up the fights

Now I sit here with my coffee
Outside a capital city cafe
Waiting for the train back home
Hoping I made some difference today

eNd

SANYO DIGITAL CAMERA

**********************************************

71.   Something’s Wrong Tony Ellis

Tony Ellis sitting in your palace
Looking down your nose at me
Saying I’m not here for the common man
While I see nothing in it for me

I only deal with important stuff
Sexual abuse I’d rather not see
I havn’t got time, now get off my mind
Stories of intimidation, discrimination, bigotry

Tony Ellis sitting in your palace
Could you look me in the eye and say
“I’m far to busy, it’s not important
Now please just go away”

I am trying to expose the truth
Don’t ignore this most serious crime
This crime against the most in need
That affects society, the soul, the mind

Tony Ellis sitting in your palace
Watch my words upon the web
My facebook twitter & website
Jrmurphypoet.com the address

Please come down from your palace
Come visit me I’m real
An intelligent human being saying
Something’s wrong when care’s a torture wheel.

enD

Wrote this after a horrible phone call with Tony Ellis, what an arsehole.  Yet so many people think he is great, WTF is it with people like this.

************************************

70.   The Big Nothing

Living in the big nothing
Living in the ever deepening crevasse
Screaming at the top of your lungs
Please someone come help me out

Living in the big nothing
Living in a frozen crevasse
The rope to the top is a noose
They want you to tie around your neck

Living in the big nothing
Living if you’d call it that
So full of passion and potential
So broken and treated like crap

Living in the big nothing
Living for what I do know
To unravel the torture wheel
Win against those Red Tape Hoes

Living in the big nothing
Living without hope, but with faith
That my people will see the criminals
And crevasse the system now makes

Living in the big nothing
With a faith born over generations of time
Like Shadrac Meshac Abendigo
Standing in the furnace of fire

Living in the big nothing
Living in the God shaped hole
Created by those little gods around me
Torturing my traumatised soul

eND

***********************************

69.   Ngati Ra (song)

Where am I going and where have I been
Get me some paper and find me a pen
Ngati Ra, Ngati Ra
Where is the hope and where is the light
Where have they gone and why do you fight
Ngati Ra, Ngati Ra

I am wailing, wailing – Ngati Ra, Ngati Ra
I am wailing, wailing – Ngati Ra, Ngati Ra

Its gotta come down from courts on high
On this torture wheel we’re all gunna die
Ngati Ra, Ngati Ra
I’ve gone down deep into this earth
To the centre of our human universe
Ngati Ra, Ngati Ra

Now I’m a raging volcano – Ngati Ra, Ngati Ra
I’m a raging volcano – Ngati Ra, Ngati Ra

Where are you going and what have you done
In your red tape war love there is none
Ngati Ra, Ngati Ra
Create this puss filled sore we can’t ignore
This toxic shit, can’t get out of it
Ngati Ra, Ngati Ra

I’m an awakened volcano – by Ngati Ra, for Ngati Ra
I’m an awakened volcano – by Ngati Ra, for Ngati Ra

We are wailing, wailing – Ngati Ra, Ngati Ra
We are wailing, wailing – Ngati Ra, Ngati Ra

Repeat the lyrics until the pain in your heart stops
Then strum until your fingers bleed

eND

One of my post popular songs available on Utube.

**********************************

68.   Red Tape Whores

I’m now a general for the rebellion
In the red tape wars
Earned in years of battles
With you red tape whores

You treat me like I’m slaving class
You don’t help me to my feet
You certainly don’t walk beside me
Or give me the rehab that I seek

To defeat you miserable bastards
One thing that keeps me going
To exact my revenge
Then see a new wheel turning

Watch you squirm as a Royal Commission
Starts looking at your books
Watch you squirm as it is revealed
The rules you overlooked

You disempower every person
Who’s part of your torture wheel
You disempower damaged souls
You won’t let them heal

You disregard the laws
You disregard the facts
You disregard a person’s beliefs
You create the cracks

Into which the broken hearted fall
We who should be loved the most
You drag us into your red tape war
Tie us to your whipping post

To all casualties of the war
Those driven insane by the red tape whores
Disregard the miserable bastards
Let’s break down those padlocked doors

To The End

*****************************************

67.   Blackwater Blues (song)

CHORUS
I got the blues
I got the blues
Got the mental health go heal yourself, blackwater blues

Still being told I don’t get nothin
Just a product of the system
When mental health been really grim
Self-medication is not a sing

Power and control is what they crave
Send me to an early grave
They don’t like those who misbehave
But I ain’t nobody’s slave

CHORUS

Since I been screwed
Let down abused
Seen a side to my clan
Ignorance, bigotry first hand

Discrimination, disrespect, degradation and neglect

I am real hear me cry
Product of the system left to fry
In the fires of hell
At the bottom of another well

It’s those idiots running the ship
That are causing most of the shit
More fucked than those needing care
Maggots, control freaks, torture wheel

CHORUS
I got the blues
I got the blues
Got the mental health
Go health yourself, blackwater blues

**********************************************8

66.   Rescue Me

I sit waiting at the crossing
Thinking
About all the different ways
That train could end me
On this autumn day

A wise owl interjects
Stops, looks, acknowledges
Speaks
These dark thoughts are not all of you
This is why you need to keep fighting
Fighting for your rights
Fighting for professional care

Beyond my body
A man on a bike calls to me
I open my window
We chat as neighbours

I like distraction

The thoughts of destruction weaken
Then grow stronger
It takes huge strength and concentration
To drive that devil back to hell
Secretly before the stranger

Please my people, rescue me
From the fires of hell
From their torture wheel

EnD

********************************************

65.   Wasps In the Beehive 

My underwear is old and ripped
My clothes were given and some are split
I’m degraded because work I don’t
Ostracized because cave I won’t

This life society forced me to live
Then turns around says we won’t give
If you don’t work at those jobs not there
If you are hurt then we don’t care

Point and blame, ostracize and shame
Persecute degrade, discriminate invade

And it’s not just at a national level
It’s in towns and cities down roads of gravel
It’s people not knowing one another
Focused on only what they can gather

Perhaps I smoke, perhaps I drink
Perhaps I’m brown, perhaps I’m pink
Perhaps my life till now’s been tough
Perhaps I’m sick have had enough

I see people eating at fancy places
I see those with lots have happy faces
I see cars worth more than 10 years wages
I see biased stories in news pages

When New Zealand was in its finest hour
When jobs were many we had the power
Protected from the world outside
By tariffs and state we did thrive

Then the greedy came and raped us all
Took away our assets, said its our ball
When the plastic came and filled our lives
When the wasps invaded the beehive

So now instead of sweet honey made
A paper trail does invade
Our homes our lives are empty of
A caring state of unconditional love

eNd

********************************************

64.  John Miller Law

I know what you did
And I know what you said
Degraded someone with no money
Someone who’d rather be dead

John Miller to the rescue
But victims only please
Another maggot in the system
Feeding ego, charging fees

When making a complaint
To the only lawyer in town
Just wanting rehab and care
Though before you’d been let down

John Miller he said
We did nothing wrong
Didn’t let you down
Didn’t take that long

Yes you did Mr Miller
As I tell you repeated
Who else can I get then
Where I won’t be mistreated

Phil Schmidt is your man
There are no others I know
So I phoned Mr Schmidt
Who then degraded me so

What is your story
Oh that is so sad
No I don’t do legal aid
Charity – are you mad

John Miller knows this
I’m surprised you were sent
Now stop making me feel bad
Only those with money I represent

John Miller Law
It’s the kind you don’t want
They’ll just victimize degrade you
Represent you they won’t

There is no justice
For the traumatized and hurt
And as a result
Things get worse, nothing’s learnt

Another poem this is
Expressing the hell that we live
Those fighting for the care
ACC’s supposed to give

eND

Saw John Miller at court on Thursday, he walked into the building and read the signs – what a dick – I ignored him.  I don’t like any of those lawyer maggots.

********************************************

63.  Tow The Line

The agony of emotional pain so intense that I’m now numb
With bitter disappointment in the community from which I come
Because now it is a crime to create art that does fight back
Against discrimination and neglect, against cruelty in fact

Now your support and care’s withheld if you don’t tow the line
If they could just get rid of you then their lives would be just fine
If the art that you create tells some truth they cannot bear
Then guaranteed at King Street they’ll force you out of there

Where creating art that tells us how the system’s failing bad
Is now considered disrespectful to those who fund the mad
I am sure Hitler and this cronies had similar rules in place
No challenging the leadership, or the propaganda in your face

Dare to make a difference, dare to challenge Mental Health
Dare to write it down and dare to express yourself
Dare to be educated, dare to accept what facts you find
Dare to challenge ignorance, dare to challenge minds

But you’re not allowed to shout and scream, you’re not allowed to fight
You’re not allowed to get upset when things are so ‘not right’
You’re not allowed to talk about it, you’re not allowed to rap
You’re not allowed to be heart above the self-righteous spouting crap

Since I have been disabled by rape and then neglect
Since I have been in trauma, unable to forget
Since my suicidal wish invades most every cell
I think of that little boy or girl abused then living hell

I’m reminded that in 20 years when they are adults too
I’ll with that I’d kept fighting against neglect of the abused
I’ll be reminded of this day when all had turned on me
When all had made it very clear they didn’t want to see

But I don’t need you selfish bigots, I don’t need those to afraid
I don’t need those who like the status quote, or those to power crazed
For my descendents, for my people, for the next 10,000 years
I will dear to make a difference NOW so from abuse they may be spared

enD

********************************************

62.   Please Tell Me Why (song)

Oh please please tell me why, you ignore me when I cry
You beat me when I’m fallen, you deceive me with your lies
Oh please please tell me when, the rules you will not bed
People will get the help they need, rejection you will not send

CHORUS
Oh please please, tell me why
When I’m screaming I wanna die
You pass me on to someone else, to the whipping post I’m tied
Oh please please tell me why, when I’m singing I’m gunna die

Oh please please tell me how, it’s OK to do this now
With all the knowledge in the world, why is rehab not allowed
Oh please please tell me what, you conveniently forgot
To return my calls and letters sent, well thanks a bloody lot

CHORUS

Oh please please tell me where, is the person sitting in their chair
Deciding those abused get less, it’s just not fucking fair
Oh please please tell me who, do I have to go through
To get this crime exposed to all, so others can be healed too

CHORUS

(spoken)

Oh please please tell me when
Will this torture ever end
You will do what you say you do
So we all can one day mend

enD

*************************************************

61.   There’s Rules

I wake every single morning
With these thoughts inside my head
Why would people be so wicked
Why would they want me dead

There’s rules, there’s laws abound
That say what they should do
But they choose to ignore them
The evil and insane are who?

They say there’s no excuse for violence
No excuse for sex abuse
And yet with a little study
This shows blatant bigotry, ignorance

People damaged, people hurt
People ill with no control
The science doesn’t lie
I know whose heads should roll

ACC and mental health
Social Services, Justice Ministry
Anti-violence propaganda
The worst hypocrisy in history

Those with power and control
Those self-righteous take their toll
We should look where blame belongs
At the system, those in my songs

Show me that you care
About abuse out there
Expose those who cover up
Expose the fact that they’re corrupt

For those abused now full of rage
For those you punish and you cage
For those you ignore and deny care
For those no money you have to spare

There’s rules, there’s laws abound
That say what you should do
But you choose to ignore them
The evil and insane are who?

eND

*****************************************************

60.    Drown Your Pain (song)

There is a house in Greytown, I call the Rising Sun
And it’s been the ruin of many a poor girl and god I know I’m one

As a mother I’ve lived on welfare, I tried but kept falling down
A damaged man he hurt me, then went to live in that Wairarapa town

Learned the only thing a soul does need is unconditional love
Or the only time you’ll be satisfied is when you’re stoned and drunk

So if you’ve one foot on the high road and another on the low
If you’re having to do this live alone, or if you want to go

I said mothers tell your children, if they do what I have done
Drown their pain in sin and misery, then a lesson from this song there’ll be none

There is a house in Greytown, I call the Rising Sun
And it’s been the ruin of many a poor girl and god he knows I’m one
And god he know’s I’m one
And god he know’s we’re one

enD

***********************************

59.   Paid Loser

I get paid to be a loser
By the New Zealand government
Forced to be on welfare
Hardly a dollar I’d call well spent

In order to get paid of course
By the New Zealand government
You have to turn up and beg
With the latest forms they sent

This whirlpool of neglect
This sea of degradation
This oppressive system that is
A blight upon our nation

I’ve cost them hundreds, cost them thousands
But still they don’t see
If I’d been given proper rehab
From welfare I’d now be free

So many times I’ve tried to stand
Though I knew I was unsteady
And I told them more than once
My broken heart’s not ready

10 years down the track
From rape and not guilty
My life’s a worthless piece of shit
Yet they continue to screw me

The pain inside my head
So great I can barely stand
After yet another disappointment
All I can do is walk the land

I get paid to be a loser
By the New Zealand government
Forced to be on welfare
Hardly a dollar I’d call well spent

enD

*******************************************

58.  I Been Crying 

I been crying in the night
Cause the man he hate me
I been crying in the night
For those around me who can’t see
I been crying in the night
Cause all have left me be
I been crying in the night
Cause I’m trapped and can’t be free

Keep crying in the day
When they all ignore and blame
Keep crying in the day
When my kids see me in pain
Keep crying in the day
When my eating becomes insane
Keep crying in the day
When I can’t play their sick wee game

I been praying in the night
Hope my kids can’t hear me weep
I been praying in the night
God heal these wounds so deep
I been praying in the night
Hope my soul for God to keep
I been praying in the night
Hope I die when I’m asleep

Keep praying in the day
That they’ll change what they been saying
Keep praying in the day
The one who sent Gods book was staying
Keep praying in the day
That on a stage my music’s playing
Keep praying in the day
That someone will start paying

end

This was one of the low points in my life, how sad that people are knowingly left in such situations.

*****************************************

57.  The Torture Wheel (song)

I’ve written a thousand letters
Phoned a thousand times
Been ignored by hundreds of people
Been told hundreds of lies

I’ve been arrested for saying in chalk
A truth they don’t wanna hear
Stripped naked because of disorder
Neglected because of fear

CHORUS
I’m on that torture wheel
A hot potato am I
I’m on that torture wheel
And I keep on asking them why

I’ve written dozens of poems
About the plight I am in
Written dozens of lyrics and songs
Almost committed a mortal sin

I’ve cried a river of tears
Grieved and grieved again
Screamed and wailed at injustice
Been driven insane

CHORUS

Rehabilitation must be the goal
And the care ’til you heal
Not the current hot potato way
The current torture wheel

This song’s just one of many
Exposing lies, exposing facts
Until we all get the help that we need
I’ll stay upon these tracks

CHORUS

If you’re on the torture wheel
If you’re one just like me
At the mercy of ignorant bigots
In mental health and ACC

If you’re on the torture wheel
If you’re one just like me
It’s time to stand up for your rights
Get all the care that you need

CHORUS x 2

enD

**************************************

56.   Help Me Minister (to Nick Smith & John Key)

Mr Smith Honourable Minister
Mr Smith, your idea’s sinister

You expect your workers to deliver
Shit balls rolled in cabinet rooms
You expect your workers to deliver
A service that breaks all rules

Instead help me Mr Smith
Help me Minister, help me Nick

Because a damaged man he raped me
Every way he could
A damaged man he raped me
Because he knew he could

Help me justice system
Help me lawyer, help me chief

I’ve been asking for care and justice
Every way I could
I’ve been asking for care and justice
Because I knew I could

Help me health providers
Help me professionals, help me guiders

The injury of abuse
Treatment and neglect’s unfair
The injury of abuse
Should follow models of health care

Help me please my people
Help me heal, help me beat it

They took from me those ones
Those that understand
They took from me support
That steady guiding hand

Help me Mr Key, help me Minister, help me please

EnD

Written spring 2009 after ACC dumped me and I almost died, pleading for help – being bullied and harassed by the police instead.

******************************************

55.   Dead Calm 

Every time they fail
The child inside me wails
Every time they fail
Into hell that child sails

CHORUS
Thoughts of violence rage and harm
Hourly insult dead calm
Visions of knives, blood, throat, forearm

So its come to this on Christmas Eve
They’ve all run for it, ignored my needs
They’ve failed again those ignorant bigots
They’ve failed again those stupid idiots

CHORUS

They know what I live with
They know where I go
They know how to help me
They know the hell I know

CHORUS

And I’ll keep asking why
When into hell I do fly
All turn upon me
Can’t bear what they see

Thoughts of violence rage and harm
Hourly insult dead calm
Visions of knives, blood, throat, forearm

end

It doesn’t get much scarier than this – and they wonder why people can’t overcome their stress disorders.

********************************

54.   Knockin On Hells Door

People see this pain in me
I can’t bear it anymore
It’s now to dark, to dark to see
I know I’m knockin on hells door

Knock knock knockin on hells door
Knock knock knockin on that rape crisis door
Knock knock knockin on my doctors door
Knock knock knockin on hells door

Gunna aim my songs at the crowd
They can’t ignore me any more
That black storm cloud is hanging round
I know I’m knockin on hells door

Knock knock knockin on hells door
Knock knock knockin on the hospital door
Knock knock knockin on addictions doors
Knock knock knockin on hells door

The sad thing is I wanna go to heaven
The sad thing is my people don’t wanna hear
And there are thousands out there livin
And all we need is unconditional care

Knock knock knockin on hells door
Knock knock knockin on the disabled door
Knock knock knockin on that violent door
Knock knock knockin on hells door

Knock knock knockin on ACCs door
Knock knock knockin on that mental health door
Knock knock knockin on that white ribbon door
Knock knock knockin on the police car door

…… on Te Hauora’s door
…… King Street’s door
…… Te Whare Atawhai’s door
…… the Workbridge door

…… the counsellors door
…… the psychologists door
…… the psychiatrists door
…… the directors door

Knock knock knockin on hells door
Knock knock knockin on every door
Knock knock knockin on hells door
Knock knock knockin on ever door

….. the media’s door
….. my MPs door
…… the mayor’s door
…… the Commissioners doors

…… the auditor-general’s door
…… a dozen minister’s doors
…… the chief justice’s door
…… a dozen lawyer’s doors

Knock knock knockin on Geoffry Palmers door
Knock knock knockin on the National Party door
Knock knock knockin on the Labour Party door
Knock knock knockin on the Green Party door

Knock knock knockin on hells door
Knock knock knockin on every door
Knock knock knockin on hells door
Knock knock knockin on every door

************************************

53.  Hey Jayne

Hey Jayne, where you going with that guitar in your hand
I said, Hey Jayne, where you going with that guitar in your hand

I’m going down to Wellington city, gunna ask why they’ve been screwing me around
I said, I’m going down to Wellington city, gunna ask why they been screwing me around

Hey Jayne, who you gunna see there, who’s gunna listen to your pain
I said, Hey Jayne, who you gunna see there, who’s gunna listen to your pain

Auditor-general, Ministers, Commissioners, those with the power to make the change
Yeah, Auditor-general, Ministers, Commissioners, those with the power to make the change

Hey Jayne, why you got that guitar in your hand
I said, Hey Jayne, why you got that, why you got that guitar in your hand

(harmonise)
Cause I wanna help my people, help my people, understand
Yeah, I wanna help my people, help my people, understand

(Spoken) Then the holy spirit softly spoke to me and said

(softly)
Hey Jayne, we love you, we really love you with that guitar in your hand
Yeah, Hey Jayne, we love you, yeah we love you with that guitar in your hand

(Sung to the melody of Jimmie Hendrix’s Hey Joe)

*********************************************

52.  Words To Be Heard

Learn from what my words impart
Learn from science, learn from art
Connect yes please, communicate
But please remember my disabled state

Give me what I need and ask
With a safe environment to complete my task
Be active, don’t rely on me
Guide me, protect me, let me be free
Take notice don’t oppress the broken
Listen to the words I’ve spoken

I’m not an island, I am not strong
And most everything that I do
Is to right this hideous wrong

As it’s not just me they beat, they cheat
Ignore, neglect, oppress, defeat
Not just me they disempower
Degrade, persecute, abuse their power

Persist in this battle I will do
Until all who need it get help too
It is with confidence that I speak
If you do not listen there will be no peace

eNd

(I wrote this in response to a competition by Like Minds Like Mine, what I was saying was completely ignored I was still refused all health care and trespassed from King Street Artworks for writing poetry about appauling mental health services – oh the hypocrisy and government propaganda.)

*********************************************

51.  Why Who What When Where How – song

Why am I arrested for being disabled
Why am I ignored when my injury is clear
Why am I censored for fighting back with my art
Why am I cut off from life-saving care

Who decided arrest was right
Who decided ignorance was fair
Who decided my art required censorship
Who decided this pain I could bear

What right do they have to discriminate
What truth do they have to fear
What right do they have to neglect
What truth do they not want to share

When will I be normal again
When will mentally health – and ACC – take due care
When will I be allowed to exhibit
When will my people hear

Where are the protectors of the disabled
Where is the justice out there
Where does anti-violence propaganda come front
Where does the crevasse appear

How has this become so twisted
How do I bring justice to bear
How do I hold the hypocrites to account
How do I cope through my fears
How do I cope through my tears
How do I cope through my fears

enD

*****************************************

50.  Living Pain, Living Hate

When the poor start singing they can’t make it
The sad start singing they can’t shake it
The mad start singing they can’t fake it
And the rest of us are singing we can’t take it

CHORUS
Singing pain, singing hate, singing truth, singing faith
Living pain, living hate, living proof, living faith
In Aotearoa, Aotearoa, Aotearoa, Aotearoa

Singing at those leaders, those destroyers of cultures
Those greedy capitalist blood sucking vultures
In Aotearoa, Aotearoa

Cause those bureaucrats ain’t doin, ain’t doing what they should
And if those there to protect us, if they only would
In Aotearoa, Aotearoa

CHORUS

Auditor-General come out to play, come listen to what I gotta say
About Aotearoa, Aotearoa

Ministers, Commissioners come out to play, come listen to what I gotta say
About Aotearoa, Aotearoa

CHORUS

And I’ll keep singing that I just can’t make it
And I’ll keep singing that I just can’t shake it
And I’ll keep singing that I just can’t fake it
And I’ll keep singing that I just can’t take it
In Aotearoa, Aotearoa

CHORUS
Singing pain, singing hate, singing truth, singing faith
Living pain, living hate, living proof, living faith
In Aotearoa, Aotearoa, Aotearoa, Aotearoa

eND

**************************************

49.  The Crushers (in the style of Nina Simone)

You know I smoked a lot of grass oh Lord, since I been ill
But I never did touch nothin
That my spirit couldn’t kill

You know I see a lot of people walkin ’round here
With no hope in their eyes
But the crushers don’t care child
If you life or if you die

God damn             the crushers             yeah yeah
I said God damn them, God damn them
The crushing souls

You know the healers are those souls with lots of love in their hearts
But the crushers are monsters, good God, Oh Lord
They’re degrading of us

You know the healers, the healers take a dollar Lord and sell you lots of sweet dreams
But here come the crushers
They care for your body but leave your mind screamin

God damn, the crushers
I said, God damn the crushers Lord
Why do they degrade you
You know the healers take a dollar and sell you lots of sweet dreams
But the crushers take care your body
They take care your body, take care your body, but leave your mind screamin

God damn them x 5 the crushers

If I was a minister hear me, of this land
I’d declare total war on the crushers yeah, here me now, now
I’d shoot them if they stood still
I’d cut them if they run, yeah
I’d kill them with my bare hands, my bible and my gun

God damn them, God damn them – oh the crushers

God damn              the crushing souls

enD

**************************************************

48.   Badly Treated

Yesterday I stood up to say
How badly I’d been treated
Twas my fellow artists the message for
But the staff they got defensive

No chance did any artist get
To discuss the censorship
Just every staff member attacking me
Unwilling to face facts of it

Is suicidal a dirty word
In this mental health facility
When half of us have lived with it
Why do they get so shitty

Shut down I was, ignored I was
Then came persecuted

Just come into my office said one
We’ll discuss it there
I don’t feels safe, but try to face
Their evil and my fear

They took me away, isolated
One on one I did believe
Then another of them came into the room
2 onto 1 attack me

My head was bowed, my body rigid
While on and on they badgered
Although I told them it wasn’t fair
They were worse than I’d imagined

The second one said I won’t speak
But couldn’t help her ego
This place supposed to empower us
Instead it keeps me low

They threatened how a complaint
Would be scary and so formal
Trying to deter me from my quest
Justice, respect, treated normal

In fact for me it would be much safer
This formal process please
You cannot keep oppressing me
Abusing me while on my knees

The sad thing is they didn’t know
The threat and power they wielded
In such a mental health facility
The artists should be shielded

Their arguments for censorship
Of my most precious art
Of the words Holy Spirit write through me
Of discrimination this is part

But you got this and you got that
You should be very grateful
But I needed this and I needed that
I’m trying to free the hate-full

Censorship, intimidation, hypocrisy, discrimination
At the hands of those that say, we’re here to heal our nation.

eND

*******************************************

47.   Swimming

I’ve been swimming in the ocean
I’ve been swimming in the sea
I’ve been swimming through my life
While they keep trying to drown me

*************************************

46.   Lanterns of Wisdom

Beautiful tree share thy power with thee
Take me up high so the many might see
The injustice going on in mental health, ACC

Thy spires of mauve, mixed purple and pink
Great lanterns of wisdom
Make all people think

************************************

45.   Empower Me

Empower me with courage
Empower me with faith
Empower me with self-belief
In what I’m trying to say

Empower me with grace
Empower me with poise
Empower me with magnetism
Screen out the others noise

Empower me with light
Empower me with dark
Empower me with balance
So I can hit my mark

Empower me with clarity
Empower me with love
Empower me with understanding
Of what I have to give

end

***************************************

44.  Take Your Blinkers Off

Take your blinkers off I say
With people’s lives you do play
The police are left to sort this out
While mental health d less than nowt

If you arrived dripping in blood
If you staggered in as you could
Would you expect to be turned away
Told it’s not bad enough you can’t stay

Back on the streets of this masters town
Neglected, rejected, oppressed, put down
They keep the suicidal from view
If you only knew, if you only knew

But you don’t want to see
How the system treats ones like me
So you put up barriers left and right
Leaving the only option fight, fight, fight

Fight that unseen enemy
Those that choose neglect are many
Giving excuse after excuse
Not take responsibility for this abuse

Although I endure a stress disorder
That sees me on the edge, the border
No-one comes to sort shit out
All they do is look and spout

Of course, almost dead is not enough
Living with suicidal ideology is tough
They know it – I’ve studied
So why neglect people bloodied

Compare us to the strongest man
Would he say, any weight I can
I can life 100 maybe two
But even I know what I can’t do

An if this strong man
When asked to bear all weight he can
Was put in water above his head
That’s real easy – he’d soon be dead

I’ve lived like this for months, for years
Thousands of hours, thousands of tears
Trying to make you do what you say
But you keep the power at the end of the day

And with this power you do abuse
INeglect, reject, oppress, refuse
The backlash we see in social stats
Dysfunction, addiction, violence, the facts

Do something my people
Don’t leave us to die
Rescue us from this place of neglect
Or watch us writhe

End

********************************

43.   It’s Your Fault, Not Mine (song)

It’s your fault, not mine
It’s your fault, not mine
If I die and my soul be lost
It’s your fault not mine

I say, I had a mother who could pray
I had a mother who could pray
If I die and my soul be lost
It’s her fault, not mine
Yeah, all right, all right, hey now

Hey     now

I had a father who could sing
I had a father who could sing
If I die and my soul be lost
It’s his fault not mine

It’s your fault not mine
It’s your fault not mine
If I die and my soul be lost now
If I die and my soul be lost now
If I die and my soul be lost now
If I die and my soul be lost now

It’s your fault not mine!

End

Was listening to a lot of Nina Simone when I wrote this and next song.

**********************************

42.   Backlash Blues (song)

Mr Backlash, Mr Backlash
Just who do you think we are
You give us no rehab, screw us repeated
Drag us into your red tape war
You give us slaving class houses
And slaving class schools
Do you think or common folk are just slaving class fools
Mr Backlash I’m gunna leave you with the Backlash Blues

When I try to find a job
To earn a little cash
All you got to offer is your voluntary backlash
But the world is big
Big and bright and round
And it’s full of folk like me who are angry ignored
baige and brown
Mr Backlash I’m gunna leave you with the Backlash Blues

Mr Backlash, Mr Backlash
Just what do you think I got to lose
I’m gunna leave you with the Backlash Blues
You’re the ones that got the blues, just like me
Just look and see

enD

**************************

41.   Show Me How To Live (song)

And with the early dawn, moving right along
Couldn’t get one person to believe
That in the aching night, I’m a satellite
I’m to angry to receive

But you were given parts
To mend my broken heart
You let him enter me the beast
To put my mind to bed
This raging in my head
Is this the cure or is this the disease

CHORUS
Live in my head, you’d turn a hater
You broke my heart, now show me how to live
Live in my head, the pain is greater
To save my life, you gotta show me how to live

And in the afterbirth on this waring earth
Of hypocrisy it reminds you
You know you make me beg
But you better think again
Before my role defines you

CHORUS

And in your waiting hands I will land and
Roll out of my skin
And in my final hours I will stand
Ready to begin, ready to begin
Ready to begin, ready to begin

CHORUS
Show me how to live x4

(chant to finish on last note)

*******************************

40.   Rehabilitation Is All I Ask  (song)

I was born on the wild west coast of the main
I was raped then left to deal with the raging pai

CHORUS
Make it all right, yeah
Make it to last
Make it all right
Rehabilitation is all I ask

Being killed by those ignorant bureaucrats
Not fooled by their bullshit I learnt the facts

CHORUS

I was drowned, I was washed up and left for dead
I fell down, when my broken heart shattered and bled
I rejected the government’s crumbs of bread
I was crowned with thoughts of suicide all through my head

CHORUS

Rehabilitation, it’s all I ask  x 8

(Sung to Jumpin Jack Flash music)

**********************************

39.   No Reason To Stay  (song)

CHORUS
Give me one reason to stay here and I’ll turn right back around
Give me one reason to stay here and I’ll turn right back around
Said I don’t wanna leave my babies
You gotta make me change my mind

People I got your number oh and I know that you got mine
You know that I called you, I called to many times
You can call me anyone call me, you can call me any time
But you gotta call me

CHORUS

I don’t want no more neglect it will take away my life
I don’t want no disrespect it will take away my life
And I want a man to hold me and rock me through the night

This angry heart will hate you if you don’t give it what it needs
I said this loving heart can’t love you if you don’t give it what it needs
But I’m so tired of chasing you aroud
10 years of wasted energy

CHORUS

People please give me one reason oh give me one good reason why
People please give me one reason, give me one reason to stay
Said I told you that I’m dying
And there ain’t no reason to stay

eND

****************************

38.   Dying Of Suicide

In this idyllic kiwi town
So many people just watching me fucking drown
Hardest time of year
Left living in traumatic fear
With arms wide open begging for care
They run from responsibility but they’re aware
Why I rage, why I fight and why I fucking swear

It’s become like a suspense thriller
Will she stay or will she go
Will she become a suicide killer
When will she eat and will she throw
Will she die upon the road
Or will her life bleed out real slow
Will she die, will they lie
In the fires of hell they’ve left her to fry

Fucking bastards hear me cry
My skin’s burnt off my soul screams and cries
At your twisted lies, your twisted lies, our twisted lies

My enemy unseen, my rage in between
Fucking my head over good
Thinking what to do, doing what I could

Though I feel the rage just below
Ready and waiting to blow, blow, blow, blow
All wired on ‘V’ and wasted on weed
Wanna leave here my people go, go, go, go
Leave this earth, leave this hell
Off to heaven, all be well, I’ll be well

While I am forced to keep hidden this pain
The infection it spreads through my body, my brai
The darkness becomes darker, it’s cruelty this strain
Oh God please take me away from this shit
The hypocrisy, discrimination, neglect all of it

I can’t live with the knowledge of the part my people play
In keeping the damaged oppressed
For rehabilitation they won’t pay

Such a beautiful day this hell I be in it
Such a beautiful day is this the last one I’ll be in it?

END

(I remember being suicidal like this for days on end, it was torture and so many people knew what was happening and did nothing.)

*************************************

37.   Feeding The Habit

Memories consume
Like opening the wound
You’re picking off the scab again
You all assume
You’re safe here in this room
Unless I start to rage again

CHORUS
I don’t want to be the one
The battles always choose
‘Cause inside I realise
That you’re the ones confused
I do know what’s worth fighting for
And why I have to scream
I do know why I instigate
And say that you are mean
I do know how I got this way
And I know it’s not allright
So I’m feeding the habit
I’m feeding the habit, tonight

Clutching my cure
I tightly lock the door
I try and catch my breath again
I hurt much more
Than any time before
I have no options left agan

CHORUS

I’ll paint it on the walls
‘Cause you’re the ones at fault
I’ll fight and fight agai
Don’t know how it ends

I do know what’s worth fighting for
And why I have to scream
And now I have some clarity
To show you what I mean
I do know how I got this way
I know it’s not allright
So I’m feeding the habit
I’m feeding the habit
I’m feeding the habit, tonight

enD

******************************

36.  Stand Up For Your Rights (Regge)

CHORUS
Get up stand up, stand up or your rights
Get up stand up, you deserve a life
Get up stand up, rehab is your right
Get up stand up, you shouldn’t have to fight

Most people tell me heaven is on this earth
But they don’t know that hell it was here first
It’s a false belief they hold
Half the story has never been told
So when they see the light
They’ll stand up for our rights

CHORUS

Most people think, policemen will come from the sky
Take away bad people and make everybody feel high
But if you know how rage it works
You’d ask why NO REHAB FIRST
So now you see the light
That’s why people fight

CHORUS

I’m sick and tired of all the criticism
On my way to heave a product of the system
Some understand and some know
There’s little help for the angry soul
You can fool some people sometimes
but you can’t fool all the people all the time
So now you see the light
We got stand up for our rights

CHORUS

*****************************

35.   Slaving Class Hero (song)

As soon as you’re hurt they make you feel small
By giving you no time instead of it all
‘Till the pain is so big you feel nothing at all
A slaving class hero is something to be

They hurt you at home and they hate you at school
They dumb you if you’re clever yet they despise a fool
Till you’re so fucking crazy you can’t follow their rules
A slaving class hero is something to be

When they’ve tortured and scared you for eleven odd years
They also expect you to have a career
When you really can’t function you’re so full of fear
A slaving class hero is something to be

Try to dope you with medication, sex and TV
And you think you’re so clever and classless and free
But you’re still fucking slaves as far as I can see
A slaving class hero is something to be

There is room at the top they are telling you still
But first you must learn to smile as you kill
If you want to live like those folks on the hill

A slaving class hero is something to be
A slaving class hero is something to be
If you want to be a hero then just follow me
If you want to be a hero well just follow me

EnD

***************************************

34.   Shame

I feel shame, I feel shame
Though I know you’ve done the wrong
I get the blame
I feel pain, I feel pain
I know you’re doing wrong
And I take the cane

I feel bad, so bad
Think you ain’t done nothing wrong
I feel sad
I feel bad, so bad
Cause I ain’t done nothing wrong
I feel sad

You always lied about my cover
But you never would admit it
It’s easy to get away with murder
Cause I’ll take the knife and I’ll commit it

You’ve always listened to the rich
While you stole from the poor
But like an intelligent child
I said more, more, more, more, more, more, more

I feel blood, I feel blood
Though I see it in my veins
It’s not enough
I see blood, I see blood
Though it’s streaming from my veins
It’s not enough

I never asked no-one for nothin’
But that’s what I was handed
I never asked no-one for something
I wasn’t sure that I needed

I never listened to the rich
I got knowledge though I’m poor
Like an intelligent child
I said give me more, more, more, more, more, more, more

I feel shame, I feel shame
Though I know you’ve done the wrong
I get the blame
I feel pain, I feel pain
I know you’re doing wrong
And I take the cane

end

(Another Marianne Faithful song I rewrote the lyrics to – Marianne is my Heroin)

************************************

33.   Long Way to A Fuck

Riding down the highway
A superwoman show
Workin on the byways
Vic Uni off I go

Getting raped, getting screwed
Getting ripped off and abused
Getting told, there’s no hand
That’s how it goes livin in this land

CHORUS
It’s a long way to the top
If you wanna heal the pain
It’s a long way to a fuck
If you can’t heal the pain

If ya think its easy
Doin one night stands
Think of me and understand
It’s a long way to a fuck
If you can’t heal the pain

Greytown rental
Make you wanna cry
Landlord’s kickin me out
Mean immoral reason why

Getting drunk, getting stoned
Getting beat-up, broken boned
Getting had, getting took
I tell ya folks life’s harder than it looks

CHORUS

If you need a voice through stage or screen
Look out its rough and mean

CHORUS

It’s a long way
It’s a long way
Such a long way

end

(Went through an ACDC phase.)

********************************

32.   Taei’s Angels

Spend all your time waiting
For that second wind
For something to come into your life
So it can help you to
Feel just good enough
To get through to the end of the day

You need some distraction
Oh   beautiful reprieve
Thoughts they seep from your brain
How they can torture
Or comfort and maybe
You’ll find some peace tonight

CHORUS
In the arms of the angels
Far away from here
From your damp cold apartment
And the loneliness that you felt
You lived in the wreckage
Of your broken body
Now you’re in the arms of the angels
May you find enough comfort there

So tired of this livin
And everywhere you turn
There’s ignorance and fear at your back
Storm keeps on twitin
They keep on building the lies
That you don’t deserve what you lack

Don’t make no difference
What you tell them
It’s easier to just agree
Take more medication
This hollow rehabilitation
That bought you to your knees

CHORUS

enD

**************************************

31.   Take Another Piece

Didn’t I make them feel like they’re the powerful ones
Didn’t they take everything that they possibly can
Now each time I tell myself – I’ve just had enough
I also say I’ll show you that a woman can be tough

So come on, come on, come on, come on and
Take another little piece of my heart now brother
(break it)
Take another little piece of my heart now sister
(have a)
Have another little piece of my heart now worker
You know you got it if it makes me feel bad

You’re out on the streets looking good
And you know deep in your heart that it ain’t alright
And you never never hear me when I cry at night
I tell myself that I, that I can’t stand the pain
One day I’ll be in someone’s arms and I’ll live once again

So come on, come on, come on, come on and take it
Take another little piece of my heart now brother
(break it)
Break another little bit of my heart now sister
(have a)
Have another little piece of my heart now worker
You know you got it, if it makes me feel bad

enD

***********************************

30.   Hard Rock Singer

I was studyin 9 to 5
When ‘the man’ he screwed me
By the time I felt half alive
Everything had been taken from me
I couldn’t work
I grew my hair
But now I understand
They didn’t want me to be respected
As a lawyer or a politician
The Gods they had other plans

CHORUS
Gunna be a hard rock singer
Gunna be a boat rocking star
Gunna make some waves in this nation
Gunna be a rock hard, rock hard star

Well I worked real hard and got myself
A band that kicks some arse
We’re gunna be on top some day
I’m gunna be a star
I can see my name in lights
And I can see the queue
I got the devil in my blood
Telling me what to do
And I’m all ears

CHORUS               (spoken) I hear it pays well

And you can stick your 9 to 5 livin
Your uniform and your tie
You can stick your moral standards
Cause it’s all a filthy lie
You can stick your golden handshakes
And stick your fucking rules
And all the other shit
You teach on TV and at school
Cause I ain’t no fool

CHORUS  x 2                (spoken) Yes I are

enD

**************************

29.   Write On

It’s another crazy evening
In a Wairarapa town
But I ain’t to young to worry
And I ain’t to old to cry
When my people get me down

Got another empty pipe
And another empty bed
Ain’t to young to admit it
Now I’m not to old to lie
Got two more empty leads

That’s why I’m crazy, yeah and angry
But I know what I’m gunna do
I’m gunna write on, write on, write on, write on

Standing on the edge of the road
Thumb in the air
One of these days
I’m gunna change their evil ways
But for now I’ll just keep – writing on

They broke another promise
They broke another heart
But I ain’t to dumb to realise
That I ain’t to old to try
Try to get back to the start

And it’s another blood red nightmare
Oh another blood red street
And I ain’t to old to worry
Cause I ain’t to young to die
But I sure am hard to beat

Am I crazy, God I’m angry
What am I gunna do
Write on, write on, write on, write on, write on

Got myself a one way ticket
Going the wrong way
Gunna change their evil ways
One of these days
(spoken) one of these days

Gunna write on
Oh oh looking for a fuck
Ooooooohhhhhhhh

Keep on writing
Writing on, and on x 8

Gunna have myself a good time
Oh yeah yeah yeah yeah

One of these days
One of these days

(spoken) I’m gunna find that good time ride.

EnD

********************************

28.   Journalists Are Maggots

Journalists are maggots
That’s what I see ‘fore me
Leading us down a hell highway
Not telling the whole story

Journalists are maggots
Feeding off the puss filled sore
Created by the system
Neglecting traumatised and poor

Journalists are maggots
For blood they have a thirst
While ignoring all the evidence
Most crims were victims first

Journalists are maggots
Keep hidden those screwed ‘fore me
And shut me down when I need a voice
Telling me there’s NO STORY
NO STORY, NO STORY, NO STORY

NO STORY in a clever kiwi
With life-threatening mental health
NO STORY in what she uncovered
When she educated self

NO STORY in what she has done
With lyrics, poetry and paint
NO STORY in her pleas for rehab
Or the 10 year wait

Journalists are maggots
Make it worse is what they do
Regurgitate the crap they’re fed
Then vomit it on you

If journalists weren’t maggots
Then I wouldn’t have to write
And I wouldn’t have to fight & fight & fight & fight & fight

Journalists they are maggots
And their bosses they’re blow flies
Blow flies, blow flies, blow flies, blow flies

enD

(One of my favourite poems (also a punk song) – have chalked it on a wall across from the Dominion Post in Wellington and sent it to many journalists who write revolting ignorant bigoted crap.  It was inspired by a journalist at the Dom Post – can’t even remember his name now.  Was stripped naked by police for chalking it on Times Age Building in Masterton.

**********************************************

27.   Smoke In The Water

We all went out to party
On the Wairarapa plains
We were looking for a good time
Blow out some brains
JR Murphy and some others
Were at the best places around
Rocking hard at the Green Man
Or dancing at the Marquis in town

Smoke in the water, fire in the eye
Smoke in the water, fire in the eye

(spoken – ohh I love electric guitar)

When they opened up the gambling rooms
They sucked you punters in
They don’t have good bands any more
That are sticking it to the man
Fuck it’s getting boring
Gunna have to stir the pot
My patience has all run out
Calm and happy I’m fuckin not

Smoke in the water, fire in the eye
Smoke in the water, fire in the eye

(spoken – And the Gods made electricity so they could listen to electric guitar)

We’ll all be screwed in hell
If we let the wankers win
Our politicians lead out of their arses
Punishing the poor for who’s sin
Cause who really are the sinners
Those people who are traumatised
Or those that withhold them care
Those suits – evil in disguise

Smoke in the water, fire in the eye
Smoke in the water, fire in the eye

enD

****************************************

26.   Vomit

Oh God I wanna vomit
Oh God I wanna chuck
Oh God I have no stomach for
The life in which I’m stuck

Oh God I wanna see it
That pain that all consumes
Self-inflicting injury
See the blood seep from within

CHORUS
Rise Above It – I wanna vomit
No Place For Violence – I wanna chuck
It’s Not OK – I have no stomach for
CAUSE NO-ONE ACTUALLY GIVES A FUCK!

Use food to plug that God shaped hole
Starve or eat but vomit too
Or pay them to stick needles into me
On the surface and right through

The pain is pure pleasure
The release an erotic rush
When the hurt is over
For a while the rage is hushed

CHORUS

But slowly it returns
Wells up from deep inside
From the depths of hell within
The vomit it does rise

The puss filled wound it ruptures
Infects the body, soul and mind
No matter how many times you try
You can’t heal the wound alone

CHORUS
Rise Above It – I wanna vomit
No Place For Violence – I wanna chuck
It’s Not OK – I have no stomach for
CAUSE NO-ONE ACTUALLY GIVES A FUCK!

eND

**************************

25.   My Fathers House

Last night I dreamed that I was a child
Out where the grass grows wild and tall
I was trying to make my way just like us all
But the darkness it did fall

I saw myself rushing through a city of steel
And ghostly voices were at my heal
I ran with heart pounding down that broken road
God I didn’t see, only the devil showed

I broke through the darkness and into the light
My father’s house stood shining hot and bright
The highways of hell had burned my skin and cut my palms
But I ran ’till I fell shaking in his arms

I woke and imagined the hard things that pulled me apart
And how that will, sir, tear all the good from your heart
I got dressed and to that path I did take
From out on the road, I could see their stupid mistakes

So I walked up to a tree and stood underneath
A spirit I didn’t recognise come and spoke to me when I touched it
I told it my story what I had come for
It said I’m sorry child unconditional love doesn’t live here anymore

My father’s house shines hot and bright
It stands like a beacon, calling me day and night
Calling and calling so hot and alive
Shining ‘cross this dark highway
Where godly sinners tell sicked lies

ENd

******************************

24.   Highways Of Hell

Dyin’s easy, dyin’s free
Health system ticket on a one-way drive
Can’t ask for nothing, leave me be
Taking everything on this drive
Don’t need reason, do need rhyme
‘Bout anything I’d rather do
Going round, torture time
My friends are gunna be there too

CHORUS
We’re on the Highways of Hell, Highways of Hell,
We’re on the Highways of Hell, Highways of Hell

No stop signs, speed limit
Nobody’s gunna slow me down
Like a wheel, gunna spin it
Nobody’s gunna mess me round
Hey Satan! payed my dues
Living in this fucking town
Hey people! Look at me
I’m living in the darklands

I’m on the highways of hell, highways of hell
I’m on the highways of hell, highways of hell
(yelled) Please stop me!

I’m on the highways of hell, highways of hell
I’m on the highways of hell x 4
(yeah I’m going round
(ya coming with me

And I’m going round
All the way round
Waiting for that head on smash
On this highway through hell

end

******************************

23.  My True Love

So you got the high road
And I got the low road
And I’ll be in heaven before thee
For me and my true love
Will never ever die
We’ll live on together darklands music

ENd

**********************************

22.  Missa Hard Worker

Wairarapa valley, hiding on a wet night
Beneath the street lights glow
Out where the Tararua rivers flow
Mortgage occupation, I ain’t got none
But I got a clear conscience
About the things that I’ve done

Missa hard worker, please please help me
Please please help me, please please help me

Maybe you gotta job
Can keep yourself out of strife
The disorder that I got
Is screwing up my whole life

Missa hard worker, please please help me
Please please help me, please please help me

In the wee small hours
Your mind gets crazy
And you’re really turned on
But you got no baby
The mobile’s jammed up
With sexy conversation
Just text text text text
Till you lose your patience

Hey somebody out there
Listen to my last words
Highs lows gotta go
Deliver me from nowhere

Miss hard worker, please please help me
Help me, help me, help me

ENd

************************************

21.  Asian Bitch

You stand before me you Asian bitch
Skin is flawless, clothes say rich
Bitch starts barking what I’ve not done
But it’s your screw up Number One

Bitch keeps barking though I tell her why
My heart is broken, all I can do is cry
Plus my social worker let me down
And my pain is such I can barely go to town

Please go away I don’t want to talk
I’ll find someone help sort this out
She ignores my words keeps up her tirade
An ignorant bitch at full speed

Tries to impress me with her status
A law student darling, fuck not the greatest
(spoken) And if I could be bothered to tell you
Seven years ago I was studying there too

She said why not you tell bout the new 30 days
I say I been very sick with no help on the way
She kept ignoring my words and finally said
You have 90 days notice take your kids, dog and bed

Please stop this I said you are frightening me bad
I’m shaking like a leaf don’t attack me so hard
Then this little upstart made a serious demand
Show me documents proving your poor health she did rant

Now anyone with half a brain would know
Your landlord has no right demanding you show
Your personal health information, oh no! no! no! no!

How dare you as agent of my bloody landlord
Demand to see documents you have no right to at all
Now get off this property and get off it quick
Next time come to my front door you insensitive bitch

She shrunk like a petal in the hot summer sun
When my legal alter ego got out its big gun
So they’re kicking me out cause I’m no dumb sucker
I know the law – tough shit mother fucker

What a community I live in would treat a person this way
What are they teaching these law students for fuck sake
From all I have read of the lives abused people live
Of victimization it is repeatedly said

You disappoint me my people you are greedy and mean
You are bigots, elitists, you feed off the broken
Take fucking prisoners hide them away
No matter their story or mental health state

And how many of us are being treated this way
Screwed by society in every which way
That’s why state housing was such a good plan
When those traumatized men came back from war broken

It appears those old soldiers have already forgotten
There’s a war going on, on the mean streets of New Zealand
The casualties of which are politely dismissed
Then screwed over by arseholes like that Asian bitch

It’s all out there to see the facts are the facts
But the media ignore it and you expect others to act!

End

*******************************

20.  Stupid Mother Fuckers

CHORUS x2
It’s all bullshit
Run by cock suckers
Backed up by some very stupid mother fuckers!

Stamp out crime, use judges, use lawyers, use screws
Use marketing, public servants, policemen, use news

Now lets get this straight it don’t start at the end
Violence and addiction means a broken heart we must mend (x 5)

Seven years of neglect it will take to destroy
The kindest of hearts, man woman, girl or boy
It’s the top of the cliff we should centre attention
Not put the traumatized under detention

Why would they change it those ones with the power
They make money off us, feed egos – feel superior
How long can these idiots keep ignoring the facts
Against scientific evidence the approach doesn’t stack (x5)

Feed people well, give them asylum
Nurture their souls, never every neglect them
And when you’ve helped them become unwound and calm
Then you can work on the ‘not’ that caused harm

CHORUS x 2
It’s all bullshit
Run by cock suckers
Backed up by some very stupid mother fuckers!

But after that’s done don’t turf them out
Leave them foundering, then do fucking nowt
Or everything that has been said and done
Will be instantaneously unfucking done

They know what to do to stamp out most crime
Instead they ignore it, push people out of their mind
See I know for sure can tell you straight
From nine years of study I can confidently state

CHORUS x 3
It’s all bullshit
Run by cock suckers
Backed up by some very stupid mother fuckers!
Oh yeah, oh yeah, yeah

ENd

***********************************

19.   Just Ain’t No Good

My name is JR Murphy I’m a beneficiary of the state
I’m on the DPB, something I really hate
I used to do an honest job, as honest as I could
Now I got a disability and it just ain’t no good

Ever since I was traumatized eight years ago, it’s been the same merry-go-round
I try to do what I used to do, but everything keeps falling down
Well if it was any other thing, they’d help me straight away
But because its my broken heart they all just look the other way

CHORUS
This disorder’s got me smoking and drinkin
Nothing feels better than drugs in blood
Twists and turns, dancing and singin
As the band jams those tragic lyrics good
I wish they’d caught me when I fell
Like anybody would
(Communities turn their back on abused people
(Well they just ain’t no good

I been trying to get off the benefit, since 2003
But most things I now want to do, they want me to do for free
I tried to go back to school, run businesses on the side
But my studies mostly failed and the businesses they all died

CHORUS
(ACC turns it’s back on abused people
(And that just ain’t no good

Today was like many others, waiting for a call that would change my mind
That would say we’re really gunna help you, relief from the pain you will find
There’ll be others on the journey, they’re just as screwed as you
Yes we will really listen and we promise we’ll rehabilitate too

Just then another dark thought rose up from dep within
And a vivid vision was in my head, of a knife slicing through my skin
And the text “get help you fucking loser” is ringing through my head
But I’ve asked so many times before, I’d rather now be dead

Though I’ll keep asking the questions until the day I die
And I’ll keep singing this reality until I disappear

CHORUS
(Governments turning their backs on abused people
(They just ain’t no good

ENd

****************************

18.   Broken

The column heater’s a comfort
It lets me sleep tonight
Keeps the warmth around me
When the world’s so cold outside
I am here still waiting
Faith’s all that’s left in me
I am badly damaged
Like you would all agree

I’m falling apart, I’m barely breathing
With a broken heart, that’s still beating
And in the pain, there’s no healing
So I call your name, begging for meaning
So I’m holding on, I’m holding on, I’m holding on
Barely holding on to life

The pain in my heart is a warning
You got inside my head
Tried my best to be strong
I’m a wounded child instead
I still see your reflection
Deep inside my soul
You are looking for power
I’m just looking for life

I’m falling apart, I’m barely breathing
With a broken heart, that’s still beating
And in the pain (in the pain) there’s no healing
So I call you name, begging for meaning
(x3) So I’m holding on (I’m still holding on)
I’m barely holding on to life

I’m hanging out for another day
A chance to see what, crumbs you throw my way
And I’m hanging out, to see what words you say
Do you still say that I will be OK
All the broken promises, have left me here alone
I have lost my way now, have forgotten my way home

I’m falling apart, I’m barely breathing
With a broken heart, that’s still beating
And in the pain (in the pain) there’s no healing
So I call your name, begging for meaning
(x 3) So I’m holding on, (I’m still holding on)
I’m barely holding on to life
REPEAT

enD

************************

17.   Writhing in Pain

Every cell wants to escape
Run from this oppressive hell
But the body knows it can’t
There’s just nowhere on earth to go

Wound on diet and caffeine
Swimming in black water
Don’t know how much longer I can keep this up
This environment it is murder

Writhing in pain, I gotta sing
Writhing in pain, I gotta move
Writhing in pain, I want an audience
Who knows that writhing groove

Gotta sing, gotta rage
Gotta rage, gotta sing
Where’s that fucking rock band
So I can rage my rock chick thing

EXPLODE    EXPLODE    EXPLODE    EXPLODE

Reactor’s in the red
Cool water’s in short supply
The fires of hell are burning hot
Melt-down’s on it’s way

MELTDOWN   MELTDOWN   MELTDOWN   MELTDOWN

The highway to hell’s a rocky one
Frightnin, frustrating and fun
At times the rush couldn’t get any better
At another this rage weighs a tonne

ENd

************************************

16.   ACC Mental Health Mother Fuckers
(tribute to Rage Against The Machine)

ACC mother fuckers, ACC fuck our mothers
They don’t give re-hab-ilitation
ACC kiddy fuckers, ACC fuck our kids
They don’t give rehab-ilitation
ACC daddy fuckers, ACC fuck our dads
They don’t give rehabilitation

ACC hide the numbers, ACC fucking wankers
ACC hide all the others, ACC wanking fuckers (screamed)

We beg mother fuckers beg, they’re still mother fuckers still
We rage mother fuckers rage, they kill  mother fuckers kill

Mental health mother fuckers, mental health fuck our mothers
They don’t give re-hab-ilitation
Mental health kiddy fuckers, mental health fuck our kids
The don’t give rehab-ilitation
Mental health daddy fuckers, mental health fuck our dads
They don’t give rehabilitation

Mental health hide the numbers, mental health fucking wankers
Mental health hide all the others, mental health wanking fuckers (screamed)

We beg mother fuckers beg, they’re still mother fuckers still
We rage mother fuckers rage, they kill mother fuckers kill

Take em down all you brothers
Take em down all you others
Take em down all you sisters
Take em down all you mothers

Stand up all you fucked up mothers
Stand up all you fucked up brothers
Stand up to oppression, discrimination, victimization, neglect (spoken)

Ya hear that prime minister
Ya hear that rich bureaucrat
Ya hear that auditor-general
Ya hear that capitalist brat

(ad-lib)

Ain’t that right all you fucked-up mothers
Ain’t that right all you fucked-up brother
Ain’t that right all you fucked up others

eNd

******************************************

15.   Tell Me Why

Oh please please tell me why
You ignore me when I cry
You beat me when I’m fallen
You deceive me with your lies

Oh please please tell me when
The rules you will not bend
People will get the help they need
Rejection you will not send

Oh please please tell me how
It’s OK to do this now
With all the knowledge in the world
Why is rehab not allowed

Oh please please tell me what
You conveniently forgot
To return my calls and letters ent
Thanks a bloody lot

Oh please please tell me where
Is the person sitting in their chair
Deciding those abused get less
It’s just not fucking fair

Oh please please tell me who
Do I have to go through
To get this crime exposed to all
So others can be healed to

Oh please please tell me why
When I whisper I might die
You pass me on to someone else
To the whipping post I’m tied

Oh please please tell me when
Will this torture ever end
You will do what you say you do
So we all can one day mend

End

*************************************

14.  Lets Stop This Fucking Shit

The rock warrior emerges
JR Murphy is her name
She’s backed by a Band of Demons
All raging at the pain

Ideas are coming thick and fast
The darkness leaving gifts at heaven’s door
First album Rock Band Virgin
Second, ROCK BAND WHORE

Raging it through a microphone
Plugged directly to my soul
There’s only one way to sing this shit
LOUD AS FUCKING HELL

Third album Hard Rock Soul
Fourth album Rock Hard II
JR Murphy and a Band of Demons
Gunna bring the rage to you

They have always fought it dirty
New Zealand government and ACC
Now lets see what some rock’n rage can do
To bring them to their knees

Every time I’m told I rage to hard
And they don’t hear my calls
It makes me more determined
To find rockers who’ve got balls

‘Cause if I get up and sing it
As a raging rocker chick
Then others will start standing up
And finally we’ll STOP THIS FUCKING SHIT x4

enD

*****************************

13.   Scream the Rage

The rage it ain’t abaiting
The rage its gaining power
Now I just gotta channel it
So I stay outa jail

It rages through word and voice
Rocks it hard as hell
Together with a Band of Demons
It will scream it at the world

Now the button has been pushed
The war about to rage
Between those fucks that deny us care
And me singing ON THIS FUCKING STAGE

As my personality splits apart
Spirit empowers me with dark
I’m fuelled by the fires of hell
So I can hit my mark

CHORUS
Fuck you bastards I want rehab
Fuck you bastards I want care
Fuck you bastards how can you keep it
From all those abused out here

ENd

************************

12.   Black Water

You know I’m swimming in black water
Now that the pain’s died down
Yeah I’m swimming in black water
Now that the pain’s died down
You took all my sanity
Left me and my kids to drown

I got cracks opening in my broken heart
Getting ready for the next big blow
I got cracks opening in my broken heart
Getting ready for the next beg blow
But I never will forget
What I’ve read and what I know

Now there’s powers in Wellington
Don’t care about us poor souls down here
Now there’s powers in Wellington
Don’t care about us poor souls down here
I know they don’t give a damn
And would have us all just disappear

  I can’t see, I can’t feel
I can’t eat, I can’t heal
In black water

Black water, black water
Oh please let me rest my head
Black water, black water
Please let me rest my head
You know you screwed up my family
Now a cold rental’s where we’ll make our bed

  I cant’ see, I can’t feel
I can’t eat, I can’t heal
In black water

*****************************

11.   Just Another Hypocrite – Georgina Beyer

I’m the worst sort of lobbyist
According to Georgina
I’m the worst sort of lobbyist
Could the words get any meaner

This worst sort of lobbyist
Has studied and researched
This worst sort of lobbyist
Her humanity she has searched

If I’m judged cause I keep asking
Why the care for me’s so bad
If it means I keep holding leaders accountable
For abused people I’m so sad

That she thinks of me this way
She’s another brick in the violent wall
That treats me and others
As if no consequence at all

If me raging at injustice
Drives me to write and sing
Then going down in a blaze of glory
Is gunna be my thing

This worst sort of lobbyist
Can’t stand by and watch
While people damaged by abuse and trauma
Miss out on lots and lots

With nobody standing up for us
With the media acting dumb
With rehabilitation being denied us
Any wonder we rage or are numb

The irony of course
Is the more that they expose
How none of us should hurt each other
The more my hackles rise

Politics it changes you
She’s become just one of them
Georgina Beyer, transsexual
Just another hypocrite in the system

End

**************************

10.   Bring Them To Their Knees

When I repeatedly told them
They’re not looking after those
Who suffer from abuse and trauma
They all just looked and froze

It’s too complicated, yeah
Not my responsibility
It’s to difficult an issue
Not really to do with me

There are legislative barriers
The stats to costly to collect
WE MADE A DEAL TO REHABILITATE
Just ACC forgets!

Forgets to tell you what you’re owed
Forgets which stats are which
Forgets to arrange a follow-up
Or sends some ignorant bitch

You’ve left them to their own devices
You’ve listened to them spout
You’ve watched our country turn into something
We were never warned about

Are kiwi’s gunna freeze
Be led around like sheep
Or start holding leaders accountable
Cause the shit its getting deep

If you want to give the system hell
Just remember this
They have the rules to hang themselves
While you stay outa shit

So send a letter to someone in charge
Sian Elias or Mr Keys
Ring talk-back if you get the chance
Lets bring them to their knees!

ENd

****************************

9.   Mean Hearted People

Who are the mean hearted people
What do they do and where do they live
Why do they think it’s ok to be miserly
When the world’s a better place if we give

Bet ya they’ve seldom wanted for anything
Bet ya they’ve had it easy so far
Bet ya they’ve never suffered adversity
That shook their lives to the core

New Zealand’s full of mean hearted people
Putting costs and agendas before health
Making miserable and mean decisions
Making sure they hold on to the ealth

Bigots and racists and ageists
Those that don’t like the poor
Those that think all beneficiaries
Are bludgers and nothing more

And perhaps once before I was too
Didn’t realise I was holding a grudge
But life gave me a lesson
That has taught me never ever to judge

How I wish I could touch you and then
You would know how much pain I go through
And you might help me get the rehabilitation
I am legally entitled to!

Now that I am where I am
Now I can see plain as day
Being miserable with welfare and health
Costs so much more at the end of the day

Where they open their wallets for cancer
They open their wallets for hearts
Why won’t they open their wallets
When a mental injury starts

People damaged by trauma
Raped, abused beaten fighting
Mostly just thrown on the scrap heap
Then judged when they start reacting

Nine years I’ve been asking the questions
Nine years I’ve been having no luck
Nine years I’ve been studying why
Health and justice for me really suck

We know why people are violent
We know why people attack
We know what to do to help them
But it all comes down to LACK

How dare they say Rise Above It
How dare they say It’s Not OK
How dare they say There’s No Place for Violence
When we neglect traumatized people this way

We don’t need new legislation
We don’t need another report
We don’t need another meeting
Just to do what the law says we ought

How many times will I have to say this
How many people will I have to tell
How long can I survive
Living in the fires of hell

enD

*******************************

8.   We Will Fuck You

Buddy you’re a rich boy, born with money
Get what you want, gonna be a big man some day
You got a scowl on your face
You big disgrace
Bullying other people all over the place
(singing)

We will, we will, fuck you   (with a broom)
We will, we will, fuck you  (everybody)

Buddy you’re a rich man, hard man
Shouting in the papers, crime is all their fault
You got a scowl on your face
You big disgrace
Letting your greed take over this place
(sing it)

We will, we will, fuck you   (no rehab)
We will, we will, fuck you   (everybody)

Buddy you’re an old man, rich man
Big business leadin our country into hell today
You got a scowl on your face
You big disgrace
Nobody can touch you, put you back in your place

We will, we will, fuck you   (cos we can)
We will, we will, fuck you   (everybody)

We will, we will, fuck you   (lets stop them)
We will, we will, fuck you   (everybody)

(screamed) NOW LET’S SEE WHO’S GUNNA FUCK WHO!

eND

***********************************

7.   Ruth Dyson’s Whipping Post (when she was ACC Minister)

I’ve been run down, I’ve been lied to
Don’t know why I let that mean woman make a fool of me
She took all my money, wrecked my new life
Bet now she’s with one of her bureaucrat buddies
Drinkin in some up-market bar

That’s why I feel, that’s why I feel
Like I’ve been tied to the whipping post
Tied to the whipping post, tied to the whipping post
Oh God I feel like I’m dying

They all tell me that I’m being such a fool
And I have to stand by and take it lady, all for needing you
Drown myself in sorrow, when I look at what you’ve done
But nothing seems to change, the bad times stay the same and I can’t run

That’s why I feel, that’s why I feel
Like I’ve been tied to the whipping post
Tied to the whipping post, tied to the whipping post
Oh God I feel like I’m dying

That’s why I feel, that’s why I feel
Like I’ve been tied to the whipping post
Tied to the whipping post, tied to the whipping post
Oh God I feel like I’m dying

End

**************************************

6.   Ode To A Select Committee

Two sentences was all you sent
What an embarrassing disappointment
The education and science committee
When asked for help turned out to be

The oppressive ruling classes
Least that’s the view from here
No-one to help me back to school
Or listen to my fear

So far all I can see
From political bullshit that I read
Are words with no substance of note
Just hypocrisy and greed for votes

A casualty of abuse was I
No fault of it was mine
But to be denied proper care
Is more serious a crime

Our stats for cancer of the bowel
Are reflected in your appraoch
NZ doesn’t deal with shit
They act as if a joke

If you take no responsibility
For care in education
Then you’re a catalyst for oppression
Of the most damaged in our nation

Abuse, violence and crime
The most serious social issues of our time
And yet all you can think to do
Is deny its victims what they’re due

And as my poems usually do
I’ll end by saying – FUCK YOU!
This will never end you arrogant ones
This will never end until JUSTICE REIGNS!

Never EnD

****************************

5.   Evil Lives Inside Me

For to become that which I dream of
To start the journey as a holy being
Living in syncronicity
Living with holy meaning

To be enlightened by the darkness
Surely the greatest human feat
To feel my heart smashed to pieces
See the light within extinguished

Standing at the ledge of death
Battered by a hurricane
Feet rooted like a might tree
Trunk broken but not in vain

Those spiritual roots stay alive
Through the greatest power that reigns
The power of the universe
Is coursing through my veins

When the evil overtakes me
No-one to pull me out
Let the evil live inside me
Show it great respect

Don’t empower it with anger
Don’t feed it with fear
Let it find expression
In the tom tom, bass and snare

All those kind and gentle people
Calling on God to bring us peace
For those so angry and afraid
A mere wish to slay a beast

Research, marketing, meeting, conference
And really so little difference
At the cliff face nothing changes
Still not enough funding and to much ignorance

A meteor burned in atmosphere
A shooting star to wish upon
All the pain that I have suffered
Will change the system because its wrong

Never END

**************************

4.   Go To Hell

We’ve been here a long time doing the same shit
We’ve been here a long time and we still don’t seem to fit
They fill our head with bullshit, until we feel real numb
And when we don’t perform their tricks, they label us as dumb

GO TO HELL, GO TO HELL
GO TO HELL, GO TO HELL

They punish us for being wrong they make us sit all day
They punish us for being wrong and we don’t learn that way
And when we fight against it they come down on us like hell
They don’t care what life’s like at home, so long as we can spell

GO TO HELL, GO TO HELL
GO TO HELL, GO TO HELL

(slow)
They make us learn irrelevant shit
They don’t care what interests us
Give us half a day of music
15 minutes of math’s enough (screamed)

GO TO HELL, GO TO HELL
GO TO HELL, GO TO HELL

They don’t tell you it’s hard to learn when shit’s going on at home
The sooner we are outa here the sooner we are gone
It doesn’t have to be like this we can change it if we’re strong
It’s our lives they’re screwing with we know there’s something wrong

GO TO HELL, GO TO HELL
GO TO HELL, GO TO HELL  (repeat)

ENd

*****************************

0.  Heaven’s Door

Sitting here listening to Eric
In my battered old 50s rockin chair
My discman gives it to me just how I like it
Loud and surround in my ear

Off in the distaqnce past the neighbours
The poplars whisper the winds symphony
As spirit blows ‘cross the papa
There’s a storm brewing sweeping up country

Eric’s started blowin harp in my head
And knockin on the door of the dead
Trying to keep it together through this killer storm weather
A battle that fills me with dread

The CDs now on Guns N Roses
As the evening air touches my skin
And the clouds rolling in from the west
Like a woollen cloak pulled cross the heavens

Now Axle starts knockin on the door
As only he knows how to do
He sings it – I live it
Trying that door to break through

Oh God when are they gunna listen
Their ears are so closed to our pain
The voice of a casualty of trauma
Writhing in pain, writhing in pain

The light is starting to fade…….

Knock, knock, knockin on heaven’s door
Knock, knock, knockin on heaven’s door
Knock, knock, knockin on heaven’s door
Knock, knock, knockin on heaven’s door

EnD

******************************

3.   3 Finger Protest

Got a 3 finger bag for my birthday
Start smoking as soon as I wake
Prefer this sort of self-medication
To the shit the drug companies make

Time to stand up
Time to shout
At the whole world
Get fucked

Eight years begging for help from the system
Still suffering affects of abuse
And afraid to the core of my being
Of what I could do if refused

Time to stand up
Time to shout
At the whole world
You’re fucked

They neglect you until its so bad
You could kill from emotional pain
Then they tell you its just mental illness
Take these pills the drug companies make

Time to stand up
Time to shout
At the whole world
Get fucked

They keep closing down places of asylum
They think its the cheapest idea
And the people that need them the most
Feel more neglected, by a society, they already fear

Time to stand up
Time to shout
At the whole world
You’re fucked

And they say there’s no excuse for abuse
And they judge who take mind-numbing shit
Then they say it’s really all our fault
Hope this song enlightens you a bit

Stand with me
And shout
At the whole world
Get fucked

Stand with me
And shout
At the whole world
You’re fucked

enD

**************************

2.   Wherefore Art Thou ACC (rap song)

Wherefore art thou ACC x 2

No matter how you phrase it
The law tells me the rules
They’re meant for my interpretation
You bureaucratic fools

The times I’ve used the law before
I havn’t needed help
But now I am incapable
Of fighting for myself

Don’t tell me I am wrong
I’ve read it in the act
How ACC is there for us
Why do you ignore that fact

You’ll come and clean my toilet
To get me on my feet
But when I ask for help with parenting
You tell me not to bleat

No matter how far down the cliff I’ve gone
I’m never far enough
Until I lose my sanity
Thing’s gunna be real rough

I want to scream it in your face
I’ve tried with mental health
But I know you just won’t listen
Because I have no wealth

I am a body and a mind
No more important than the other
I don’t deserve this treatment
It just keeps me in the gutter

Cause I had no status in your eyes
As I was just a student
It’s a case of human rights abuse
To you it’s fiscally prudent

Wherefore art thou ACC
Wherefore art thou ACC

And as I write this rap
I feel better about myself
I’m not a wasted loser
Just a product of ignorance

I don’t have cuts and bruises
Leg’s not severed at the thigh
And I never got the help I needed
Keep on asking why

The blood pools all around me
Drips from every piece of art
What does a person do
With such a badly broken heart

Every time I ask for help
It gets increasingly harder
Rejection’s like a hunger’s knife
Giving deep wounds to my mana

I’m filled with toxic shame
A festering type of wound
But all you want to give me
Are drugs to change my mood

It seems so obvious to me
What needs to be done
Treat the mentally injured
The same as anyone

Ignore me at your peril
I’m not about to go away
I will demand that you obey the law
And stop – this – twisted – game you play

Wherefore art thou ACC
Wherefore art thou ACC

End

********************************

1.   I Want To Come In From The Cold

Here I sit in on a windswept beach in the depths of winter
A winter that began on the first day of 2002
I am alone except for my dog
I have nothing to shield me from the elements

I see people walking along the beach sometimes
They rescue others from the treacherous sea
If not dead they give them drugs
Then take them away on stretchers
They never acknowledge me
Though they look in  my direction when I call out to them

Maybe I will eventually be so battered by storms, cold, wind and rain
That my body will become bones
Washed up like the driftwood that surrounds me
Or maybe the water will claim me
And I will be free of this earthly torture

I am mesmerized by the sea
Now numb to my cold heartless environment
Unable to move, but able to think
And imagine

To imagine a group of enlightened people walking down the beach
As they pass in front of me
Their dog would greet mine
They would walk over to me
Offer their hand and say

Come with us
You have been out in the cold too long you are frozen
We have a crib near the sea not far from here
It is warm and safe there
Come, come with us into the warm
We will play joyous games with you
We will cherish, develop and guide you
For as long as you need us
We will nurture you and never ever abandon you

You have been out in the cold far too long
We will sing and play music together
We really want you to be with us
We have so much to offer each other
Come, take our hand be healed along with the others we have found out here in the cold

But I know if ACC and mental health don’t change they will never come
I have been waiting nine long cold years
Searching for them, asking where they are
Asking why isn’t my country, why aren’t my own people bringing me in from the cold

My art I use as a beacon
That will one day bring together other people wanting to come in from the cold
It is also my sincerest hope that someday the rescuers will see the beacon
And offer me shelter in a crib near the sea
And my pen in this life will prove mightier than any sword wielded in the past lives of my ancestors

For I am Love, I am Life, I am Light
As much as I am Hate, I am Death, I am Darkness
A whole being
No longer shielded from the reality at the heart of our cruel and immoral Kiwi culture.

END

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