Category Archives: Uncategorized

The Amazing & Kind Jacinda Ardern is a marketing phony

Was so disappointed with the budget- even worse than I thought it would be, wish I had money to get to Wellington I would be chalking every day! Grrrrrr  Singing, reciting poetry and protesting.  these filthy neo-liberal Labour scum – I knew they were bad but this is worse than I even imagined????  Where the fuck did the 1800 police come from???? I never heard that mentioned once coming up to the elections, I heard lots of promises about mental health services that they desperate not to provide.

What planet are these people on, they are continuing to grossly violate international treaties on the way you treat disabled and poor people.  They are allowing a grossly unjust and abusive economic system replace constitutional law.  The people who believe in it are radicalised extremists – they infect our media, our political institutions, our business world, our banking sector.  They leech off us peasants and then blame us when they screw up.

No reprieve from punitive welfare requirements, no reprieve from housing crisis.  It just gets worse and those in power continue to trivialise it and perpetrate it.  Karma coming, end of days I reakon from where I’m sitting, not long now before armageddon? or whatever it is going to be.  They promise all those greedy scum will be gone, so hopefully.

This can only be a good thing as people will realise this government weren’t going to save them and they have to get out on the streets and start fighting for their rights!

2nd night in Wellington police cells in New Zealand

Been avoiding writing this, don’t want to recall what happened it hurts too much, but I know I have to, then I won’t have to look at it again if I don’t want to – better out than in.

My arrest and night in Wellington police cells was going fine until the last three hours, then it all turned to shit because I was transported in a very cold NEW van into cold court cell, further delays and an arsehole guard looking after me.  People with stress disorders (in stressful situations) must be treated the same as people in shock, first thing you do is keep them warm, being cold adds to trauma/stress.  That is what should be on my court transfer papers not that I make vague threats of self-harm – WTF.  The design of that NEW transport staff were gloating about is absolute crap and harmful to those inside the boxes.

Start from the beginning

As I didn’t turn up for court on Monday, as I had been turned down by the OT for health services and still didn’t have a lawyer I knew there would be a warrant out for my arrest.  Chickened out doing a protest in Masterton so I would get arrested, too scared of police here.  Went over to Wellington chalking and then started on my mission.

Headed for Supreme Court to do some chalking about justice and how I completely blamed the judiciary for discrimination against mentally ill people and allowing government to criminalise and persecute them, deny them professional health care.  Then headed up to Treasury building and left a message for Treasury wankers – photos on my facebook page.  Held them to account for the appalling mental health stats as well – did a few swastikas and called them murderers as well – I know they hate it.  Then headed for Human Rights Commission, from which I am trespassed.

Nutted off at this old guy in reception and a group of people having a meeting about some bullshit.  I was in total fire breathing dragon mode, told them exactly what I thought of them and their responsibility for mental health crisis, suicide, NZ being No 1 for child suicide, self-harm in women and family violence.  Left before police arrived heading for my next target – didn’t make it 🙂

Have photos on my facebook page /jrmurphypoetmusician did a couple of videos of the chalking a few photos at the Human Rights Commission.  Its like lala land up there, those people are completely out of touch with reality and refusing to accept the seriousness of what has gone on in mental health due to an economic theory taking over from constitutional, health and justice rights.

Was arrested on Lambton Quay with my large naked torso painting a couple of cardboard signs and my big over shoulder satchel with chalk pens paper etc in it.  Was funny knowing they were coming, saw them to my left, I was heading towards Willis Street across from Midland Park.  They put on their lights, quickly did a u turn and jumped out of their car to aprehend me lol.  Told them to calm down I knew I was going to be arrested, that’s why I had come to Wellington – strange to them of course.  I was picked up on warrant for breach of bail for not attending court.  Not for nutting off at the dick head at the HRC and breaching a trespass order.  WAs prepared for it to happen though.

Tried to talk them out of handcuffs but couldn’t, managed to get them put on in front of me which is so much less oppressive/scary/vulnerable than behind your back.  She also did it really loosely on my right wrist cause told her I get arthritis in it.

Male officer told me handcuffs were for theirs and my safety – lol – brainwashed.  Not in my situation they’re not – its one thing I hope the UN can look at having a restriction on police using handcuffs, particularly in a public place.  They were OK, just following the book and treating me like any criminal who had a warrant out for their arrest.

Got back to the station and got processed, almost everybody was nice, were surprised to see me back.  The woman I had a run in with last time came and talked to me a few times, said she was pretty stressed with work etc last time I was there and sort of apologised, we made peace – that’s the main thing.

Didn’t sleep all night but was able to read a book, which I couldn’t last time because my stress levels were too high.  I can’t hold the story in my head when very stressed, even this time there were a few times I had to re-read paragraphs because I hadn’t absorbed what I just read.  Its a horrible part of Complex PTSD and a lot of people don’t understand it, can make you feel really stupid and like you going mad.  I worked out over years, it comes and goes depending on my stress levels.

I was OK with going through the police process I had gone over it in my head many times.  Had all the same guards as last time just in a different order, they were really cheerful and nice.  Told them I was in a much better state than last time and just wanted to get through the process and get things sorted out.  Last time I was self-harming and really distressed, this time I was really chilled out.

Had a guy come into the cells about 6pm who banged and yelled most of the night, then started up again in the morning – when I get stressed too, cause you don’t know what time is and all the guards disappear to organise transfers etc.  Handover is at around 7am.  So in the morning he sets off sprinkler in his cell and flooded something else by the sounds of it, lol, all the male prisoners were put in the female section – was weird seeing the guys – cause you never do.  They have it set up so people can’t see each other – I’m all good with that, few of them looked dodgy as.  They handcuffed him and put him in the Female Day cell that I can see from my special window/mental health cell.  Gave him the thumbs up for what he’d done, I was bored too.

As 11pm shift came on I asked if I could go in the bigger cell to prepare myself for going in the van in the morning, like I had spoken to Stuart about – when I made a comment about my first visit and how they could improve it.  He was a pommy guy with a bald head, manipulative power tripper.  So a group of them are outside my cell and he makes a comment about me being a Human Rights activist in a mocking tone then tells me he will think about the change of cell and tell me in the morning – he didn’t.  I worried about it all night, because had a bad feeling I would have a meltdown in the morning – which I did and are really horrible.  He purposely denied my request and kept me guessing to exert his authority and disempower me – and it would have had even more impact if I didn’t understand psychology of abusive power relationships.  so I’ll be making a complaint to police about it.  That is the sort of person who SHOULD NEVER BE in a position of power over others.

Got to have a shower at around 4.30am and had an early breakfast, 3 weetbix milk sugar & a milo.  Should have asked for something to take with me, didn’t realise how long it would be until I had food again – and I have diabetes issues if I don’t eat reguarly – especially having been up all night, when your body needs extra food.  I learnt that years ago, if you want to stay up all night at a party you have to keep eating throughout the night, its your body running out of fuel that makes you tired.

Reluctant to get in the van in the morning, they just turn up to take you, it freaks you out, I need to know what is going to happen to mentally prepare – fuck them!!!!

Van to Lower Hutt was really cold, 2 metal boxes in back of a van, 4 men sitting close together in one side and 2 women in the other.  First time I’ve had someone to talk to during transport, she was a regular visitor, knew the system well, but we avoided why we there.

We change to the NEW truck for trip over Rimutakas, it has about 10 metal boxes with individual windows – the staff were gloating that it belonged to Wairarapa and Hutt were jealous they didn’t have anything that flash.  Obviously they  have never spent any time in the back – I have got to get something done about the design or they going to have lots more people flipping out like me.

I refused to get in this van, he had to take my arm, but I did’nt resist past that, these metal boxes are only as big as your body and solid except for small windows.  Killer on your back, when you get jolted over bumps, there no padding its just a stainless steel bench about 1m square – FREEZING COLD AGAIN.  Not only cold thick metal there was a blast of cool air blowing down from directly above that you couldn’t get away from, it either went on top of your head or if you sat hard up against back it went onto your body and legs, which felt even colder.

Someone yelled out to guards to turn the fans off at about Upper Hutt, guards told him they were for ventilation, I chimed in that I wanted them off too, I was fkn freezing.

I got colder and colder – sooooo bad for my stress disorder – people under extreme stress are supposed to be kept warm.  Got angrier and angrier too.  When I got to Masterton refused to move – couldn’t move – I don’t know, but didn’t get out of van for about 5mins – they didn’t know what to do.  When I finally did because I thought they were going to get more physical two women were standing at end of truck.  I angrily asked WHAT ARE YOU – they were detectives, one of them said how she had heard about me in a nice enough voice –  I have got lots of supporters in the police – my response as I went past was a vicious GET FUCKED.  Was angry at the police for putting me through this shit, through all of this shit letting ACC manipulate them and refusing to investigate my complaints about them.

Was put in women’s holding cell at Masterton Court – it was fkn freezing as well, blasting cool air and a vent that went directly outside I could see through.  We had arrived about 10.30am from what I can gather, I wasn’t feeling very well coming over but was so fkn angry ignored it.  Got there was so cold put x2 on my ReFuSe tag I left two weeks ago.  They wouldn’t give me my shoes, eventually they gave me a museli bar at around 12pm – I had breakfast at 5am – they were told I had diabetes issues, it should be on my transfer notes I have to be offered food at regular intervals, they know the time I don’t – WTF.  Grrrr  That’s what those notes are fucking for – not a pile of disgusting offensive bigotry.

I sang Why Am I Arrested, Human Sewage and I wish I was dead with all loud drumming required on the walls – which went through the whole building I now know tehehehehe.  Some young people in other cells made comment about me ‘that protester’, also came to look at me through the window when one of them was wandering around.  Said something about me being Crazy – not me the crazy one dumarse – sometimes young people grrrrrrrr.

After singing revolting old white guy guard came to tell me I was embarrassing myself – trying to degrade me – oppressive and wanting to make me feel even more marginalised.  Again, lucky I know these sorts of tactics and can shake off most of their shit – but always a bit that sticks and makes you feel like shit.  Those are the comments that go on a loop in your head when you sink down into the well/darkness and consider all the good reasons you should kill youself.  I’m sure I’ll have to deal with that in the next few weeks – I’m sure there will be fallout from Thursday’s meltdown.

Then the arsehole said I was up next, ie first after lunch,  They called out 4 names before I STARTED LOOPING OUT – I was so distressed and so cold started losing it, started ticking by banging my whole body back against the door making a really loud noise, felt sooo good, calms me, its like a heartbeat and because its so violent on your whole body you can’t think of the anything else and it calms down the ‘panic attack’ you about to have – that happened later when outside.  Telling someone something is going to happen and then it not happening is another psychological torture method and what the guard in Wellington did.  An abuse and perversion of power – it is very common but should not be tolerated in people working in police etc. (Have found out since guards were pissed off with delays too, it was court staff who delayed my appearance – same court staff I gave shit to recently for not providing CCTV footage.)

Guard came along trying to get me to stop, turned the fan on full blast so I was even colder, turned the light on and off several times.  I was freaking out because of what had been happening and him lying to me, then he didn’t know what to do when I started freaking out more than he expected and the judge knows about it, cause the whole building can hear me.  If I’m causing that much fuss, then he has failed his job and EVERYBODY knows it.

I knew bus back to Carterton was at 1pm and it was 12, I got out at 1pm, with no time to walk to the bus stop 10 mins away.

My old public defence lawyer Susie turned up, which was a welcome sight as I was in full freak out mode pacing around the cell.  She spoke to the judge when i was up, told judge not-guilty and case now set down for 25 June.  They kept saying the police don’t oppose bail – because this is the third time I havn’t turned up for court and violated my bail conditions.  Of course police don’t oppose bail – that might be a bit much considering they put me here – they wouldn’t want to be reminded of what they have done grrrrrrr.  Police prosecutor in court looked ashamed, wouldn’t look at me.

After Susie spoke I made sure I had my say, without following any rules – except trying not to swear, it was pretty obvious I was really pissed off and really freaked out.  Not many people get to address the judge like I do but there was NO WAY I was leaving that courtroom without her knowing about Geneva Healthcare refusing me OT services and still not having a lawyer – which Susie told her anyway.  It was Judge Morris, I Know her and she knows my situation quite well, was still all I could do not to swear at her for allowing this to go on for years.  Like I said, I have never hurt anyone, they hurt me.

I reakon they left me until last so there weren’t many people in the gallery, they don’t like the public seeing me go through the system because I have no respect for the judge or the process and give them shit – using their own laws.  Quoted Magna Carta several times and reminded her I said two weeks ago when I saw here I wasn’t voluntarily participating in teh justice process until I had health care I need and lawyer I need.

They know at court making me wait stresses me out – they’ve accommodated this aspect of my disability before – why not now, when I’m in an even more stressful situation do they now ignore it?  They could have changed the order, they knew I was going to arrive the night before. grrrr, will be bringing this all up in my complaints to police AGAIN – that they will never listen to but I have to do because nobody else does grrrrrrrrr.

Told court staff to go get my painting and bag etc because I would not be going to the police station to pick them up like last time – I don’t want to see those motherfuckers at the moment – especially that dark headed bitch on reception.

Waited in the bail room, at least slightly warmer, but I was chilled to the bone.  NEK MINIT started crying uncontrollably, that heartbroken cry where you can’t even close your mouth and you dribble onto the ground in front of you as you sit there rocking, wailing, in such emotional pain.  Your heart smashed to pieces by what you are being put through for asking for health care and justice you entitled to, for throwing paint on a white ribbon banner after being assaulted and threatened by police  – plus knowing just how cruel and corrupt your government and so many others are.

Was let out, almost ran out of the court, got outside took two steps, stood there shaking, thinking – I had missed the bus, I was now extremely upset and would have to go to the park, find something sharp and spend the next few hours self-harming until next bus to Carterton.  Didn’t have anyone I could call to pick me up.

I became completely overwhelmed, my arms gave way & I dropped my paintings signs & bag just as my legs gave way from under me and I ended up on the footpath curled up in a ball on my side.  I managed to sit up and started rocking and wailing/crying loudly – in a way that would make my broken heart feel some sort of relief from what had just happened to me.  I wasn’t there long and a woman came along and one of the guards from court came out.  They were both very nice, the woman was from Te Hauora, I been screwed over by them several times, so I was scared of her, but when she offered me a ride home I had to ignore that and say yes – I had to get home – my homing beacon was on full strength and causes me huge stress if I don’t listen to it.  I wanted to be where nobody could see me melting down, it is so humiliating when it happens – it has only been this bad four other times in 15 years.

I couldn’t keep my mouth shut with the woman, I tried, I didn’t want to tell her anything, but all my biggest fears and worries were just tumbling out of my mouth, just like the anger does when I go ‘tourettes’.  I kept saying sorry, it was OK, it didn’t matter, I just wanted to go home etc.  She asked all the usual questions about a doctor etc, told her I don’t have a doctor and why – that I havnt’ seen one for over 2 years (1 for WINZ form last year doesn’t count).  Think she was pretty horrified at how unwell and unsupported I was, told her a little about not trusting Te Hauora.  I didn’t’ have any bread or milk at home, was crying about how poor I was and how tired I was of being poor and there of course was not point in living in this shit hole country. etc etc.  She gave me $20 I refused – I HATE CHARITY – she demanded I take it, I HATE PEOPLE WHO DEMAND I TAKE CHARITY, and from an organisation that has ensured I was taken advantage of and traumatised by a flatmate under their care, denied me care themselves and let me down when I was really unwell.  A friend in the community who worked for Te Hauora for a short time told me what they thought of me, that lots of people had tried to help me, I just didn’t want help.  FUCKING SCUMBAG FUCKING LYING PIECES OF FUCKING GARBAGE.  Same people I have made complaints about that were covered up and not dealt with you mean.  They a big part of the bigoted rumour mill round here.

I’m sure the only reason I had that horrendous meltdown is the cold, it was like being tortured.  It has left me feeling tearful and very very fragile, I don’t want to go out anywhere –  I can’t anyway I”m so broke.  I’m hoping I don’t get a backlash in a few days, sometimes that can happen and I get highly suicidal and all the oppressive degrading things staff did/said will come back to haunt me.

At least Susie and even Judge Morris acknowleged that I had been punished and suffered in custody – which is why of course I wasn’t prosecuted for breaching bail ($2,000 fine & 1 yr in prison is what they threaten on bail form for violations).  Given I had sent them an email Thursday last week saying I was both mentally incapable due to my disorder and refused to attend, asking them not to make me into a criminal – they did anyway.

One thing pissed me off about Te Hauora lady, she spent at least 5mins telling me to take medication for my anxiety – WTF.  Terrorised women are being put on medications to deal with teh inhuman and unsafe living situations they are being forced to endure by the government.  Its sick, deeply deeply disturbing, immoral, unethical, unprofessional and ILLEGAL.  I also explained I was a rescuer and helped lost souls pass over to the light, I was told by spirit not to take medication or it would affect my ability to protect myself spiritually.  She didn’t say anything after that – Maori understand spirituality a lot better than Pakeha thank God.  They have a lot more respect for spiritual people as well – most Pakeha ridicule us – sad considering our entire legal system is based on christian principles of fairness justice and us being all the same before God irrelevant of our wealth and status on earth.

I’m having a chill out day today, my daughter is taking me out for brunch for mother’s day which will be nice.  Will try and stay in the present and not feel bad about the fact I can’t afford to take myself out for brunch or anybody else.  I will barely be able to afford to buy my daughter a present, its her birthday soon – my life would have been so different if I had health care and help I needed to return to work after I was raped.  Fkn scumbag government, fkn terrorist murderers 🙁

My back is hurting, so trying to not do anything more to strain that after the trip over Rimutakas in truck, feels like a lower disc wants to move and I know what that means – not being able to sit down at all, only being able to walk around slowly or lay down and in agony for days.  Its happened before.  Obviously justice transport not designed for older people with aches pains & injuries.

People ask me why do I do this to myself, I can assure you it is actually helping me, it is very hard being really unwell at home on my own, its far more stressful than protesting and getting arrested.  I get food I don’t have to pay for, hot drinks, to talk to interesting different people who understand more about failings of mental health system than anybody else – police.

Some police are OK & actually respect what I am trying to do with my mental health advocacy work –  trying to get a better journey through teh system for people who have traumatic stress disorders.  I can assure everybody I DO NOT TRUST THE POLICE and nobody reading this should either – their are some real nasty pieces of work amongst them & most/all of the others will cover it up.  As nice as some are there are others who are fkn aresholes and they all sit back and allow shit to happen. Wouldn’t even be surprised if the cold transport was for my benefit – I would assume the new truck would have had heating.  Police trying all those psychological torture tactics perhaps – when constable French said you’ll see how bad police can be, is this what he meant?

 

Strongest impressions of my time in custody in New Zealand

Firstly, be nice if they nice to you, try not to let all the BS questions upset you.

Check out my youtube channel for the vlog I made at the Health and Disability Commission.  JR Murphy Poet.

I knew police take about 15-20 mins to get to a job around Wellington, so know when the lift opens its going to be them.  Three this time, two men and a woman, who surrounded me immediately, you have to get used to that – lot of abuse victims don’t like people behind them – me included.  One of them was a newbie who took my details, read me my rights etc.

One asked for me to put my hands behind my back but as I HATE handcuffs and last time I had them on they hurt A LOT (it was after the assault) I didn’t want to.  As soon as I ignored their instructions they got aggitated, I chilled the situation when I started joking about it.  I wasn’t ignoring their directions, I didn’t like handcuffs, they hurt and I was trying to talk my way out of having to put them on.  Sadly it didn’t work, its so much more comfortable and less oppressive when you don’t have them on.  Joked about being able to carry my own stuff out if I didn’t have them on – didn’t work.  He wouldn’t put them on in front of me either which is easier and a less vulnerable position.  He did put them on loosely, made me realise how tight the last lot were.  my hands were blue by the time I got them off and I had bruises for two weeks.

I was arrested on the warrant for not turning up to court, not for doing the protest at HDC even though I swore like a trooper.  I was trespassed and given the notice while I was being processed.  I was also questioned about chalking on the Tribunals building, which I admitted to.  If you knew at protesting don’t say too much when you arrested, I know my rights pretty well and know what to say and what not to say so I talk quite a bit.  If you are an activist keep to your rights and information you know about why you are taking the action you are.  Quote laws.

Organise to speak to a lawyer, but best to have a lawyer who knows consitutional law already oranised to arrange your release.  It is very seldom a judge will keep an activist in the cells overnight, I was picked up on a warrant – or if I had broken my bail conditions – I would have had to stay if I couldn’t get to see the judge.  A police officer told me few years ago to get arrested before 9am in the morning on a sitting day and I wouldn’t have to stay the night.

I am trying to get something organised where as a recognised disabled Civil Society Actor I can’t be held overnight because of my disorder.  United Nations treaties say NZ govt are not allowed to use the process in a punitive way against a CSA- which is what the justice system is being used for.  It is disproportionately cruel to make me stay incarcerated with my stress disorder issues compared with other people.  I am not a threat to anybody and I can be picked up by local police before court when I am set to appear.  (My issue about can’t appear is I can’t make myself drive to court, to get around this police have to pick me up, which I can do – weird I know but its a bizarre and terrifying disorder so you get creative.

They sent two police cars, there is always one of the officers who knows me, lead out in handcuffs and put in the car, you wonder what people are thinking – you wish you could explain to people what was happening and why.

Arrived at cells, newbie was asking me lots of questions, but I started to get upset and cry as my post bollocking melt-down started to kick in.  The woman processing me was a rigid bitch who I didn’t take to at all, usually those people are nice, but not this one, was an older woman.  Argued with her when I was told I would be staying the night as court wasn’t taking any more prisoners today.  Demanded to speak to a lawyer but that was a disaster.

The lawyer Val, a man, to start he couldn’t hear me and hung up (the accoustics in teh concrete box were really bad), they got him back on the phone and he said something to the effect to phone some woman – I don’t remember name – and she was more sympathetic to women in my situation. WTF sexist pig.  They were supposed to phone another lawyer but the small room overwhelmed me and I became claustrophobic and started banging on the door to be let out.  The officers said, don’t you want a lawyer and I just laughed at them, pointing out they knew very well I couldn’t stay in that room because of my mental health and as there was no other options then I got no lawyer.  I’d suck it up if I had to stay, I had no choice I couldn’t go back in that room, not that day – in fact not ever.

They take your shoes jewellery, everything out of your pockets and put them in plastic bags (which I keeping for an art project) – they also had my painting and two signs and my bag of protest stuff, visual diary, laws, pens etc.  I got put into a cell I have been in several times before, in the women’s section – officer told me there 38 mens cells and 9 womens – so when the revolution arrives we only need to get 50 people arrested and Wellington police are overwhelmed.  They can fit about 30 in the day rooms – anyway its not many. 🙂 dreams are free.

By the time they let me out of the concrete box I was freaking out and getting worse, head down ticking, shaking, hyperventilating, on verge of panic attack, but not knowing about to take the violence I was feeling out on myself.  Got back to the cell and started pacing, shaking, ticking, trying to keep a panic attack under control.  Nothing would work, so sat on bed and started banging my head and back against the concrete wall, it is the only thing that will calm me when I’m that traumatised.  Then I started wanting to hurt myself, with slapping beats on my legs and the mattress, beating myself about the head, thumping my thighs with fists as hard as I possibly could.  When its happening its a release valve, its not nice and is distressing for people watching.  Its torment on full blast, but it releases pressure, its me turning the psychological violence I have just endured into physical violence.  I have very little control over if it starts happen, my body is rigid.  It takes every bit of concentration to not completely flip out and start trashing the cell and really harming yourself by punching walls etc – because that’s what you want to do.  I picture every bone in both my hands smashed.

When I start punching my head its because I want the torment to stop, the hurt the extreme hurt about not getting health care I should be and being dragged through court and justice processes so unfairly.  Of being isolated and lied about, discriminated against and persecuted just so a bunch of neo-liberal rich pigs can have lots more money and poor people have less.  So they can make money out of people they deny mental health care to and safe homes.

I’m going to be requesting a copy of the CCTV footage from when I arrived until about 6pm when I finally calmed down.  Once the horrible police guard left at 3pm and next lot took over things got better.  Although I was told I had been a problem earlier, a problem mmmmm.  Best to be nice and make jokes when you first meet them, they’re usually nice and introduce themselves.  I play a game of trying to work out what the time is and I’m usually right – its one of the weird and not nice things about being in cells, you don’t know the time, even if it light or dark outside.  The dungeon they call Wellington police cells which is sub-ground and best earthquake strengthening possible I am told.

Dinner was 2 min noodles – which I refused – I eat too many of them already and butter chicken with rice over microwaved but ok.  There were 3 women there most of the night, one beside me was being checked every 20 mins.  Was given milo and tea over the night, when I couldn’t sleep.  All but two of the police were really nice, respectful and professional.

We got offered a shower at about 7pm which was really nice, you have to do it in front of guard but she way down end of corridor.  An image when I got to the showers has stayed with me – that I want to do an artwork about.  When I got to the showers there were five small soaps in one side and none in the other.  I asked the guard why, she said how people preferred the one that was slightly behind the wall and more private.  Just shows you how modest women are – not like what media portray (I have a theory this is one of the reasons young women drink so much to get confidence to wear things they not comfortable in).

  • Would be an amazing experience for every MP in parliament to be processed through the police and courts, kept in the cells overnight and experience the concrete phone box, showers, restrictions, small spaces, boredom, handcuffs etc.  The waiting rooms, the endless questions, the stripping of your identity, belts and shoes, the transport vehicles, the metal boxes, the other prisoners, the police and guards – mmmm I can feel a poem coming on – maybe a rap song.  Imagine Crusher Collins locked in the concerete phone box unable to get a lawyer and having to bang and yell to get out.  Or Jerry, lol, with his size, what a mission, getting in and out of cars and transport vehicles – I actually don’t think he would fit in the latest transport vehicle I was in.  He wouldn’t have handled the small dinner either and no snacks.

My back started getting really sore and I had to move around most of the night because of it.  Sitting on a low bench/bed was hurting it.  So changed to lying on my tummy, walking around, doing exercises etc.  The pillows are really bad so I got an extra blanket, was OK.  Wish I could have had a scrubbing brush and bucket of hot soapy water for a couple of hours to clean the cell.  Was still hair and stuff from previous occupants, it was Tuesday night, I’m not sure how many days worth – I thought that was a big tacky.  Showers weren’t cleaned every day either and water pooled on floor outside them, looked pretty yuk – at least a few days old – thats unhygenic.

Boredom is the most difficult thing when you have really bad mental health, because you brain always wants to obsess about being locked up, the injustices etc.  So I do things, like sing, good pracitice for remembering my songs, recite poetry and do drum rhythms on my legs, walls, doors, matress etc.  I also rip up paper hand towels and toilet paper – which I then keep and make into an artwork (which I’m doing later today).

I rip up poly cups you get your cuppa tea/water in, I do origami and make water bombs and Which Number Do You Choose game.

The mornings are the most difficult, hard to know the time and things stirring, you getting prepared to go into the metal box in the paddy wagon and not wanting to.  Past two times I spent night in cells I had massive melt-downs in the morning and I could feel another one coming on.  I told my guard what was happening and could I walk around the female day room and have my breakfast until I had to go, just to give me a bit more space from the cell I was in and before I had to go into something much smaller.  He seemed OK with it but said he would have to talk to his Sgt, he never came back and I had that melt-down and it was horrible.

Went on for ages, though it is hard to know when you in that state, rocking, fingers in ears, crying, self-harming, tormented and completely distraught.  I remember starting to babble about being allowed to go to the day room over and over again.  That’s when Sgt I didn’t like came around with breakfast and asked me if I wanted any, in amongst the babbling I said yes.  He asked again and I said yes, he left and went to the next cell.  I wanted breakfast I wasn’t feeling good, I told them I had early stages of diabetes when I arrived.  Want to get the CCTV footage of not getting breakfast as well.

The guards from the previous night and overnight had been trying to help me with my issue about getting into small spaces in the transport vehicles.  They tried to have my case transferred to Wellington, but apparently you have to go where warrant was issued, which was Masterton for me.  There were several other people being transported over to Masterton, obviously a bad bunch over here.

They did offer to get me the CATT team which I refused, what’s the point, I just been turned down by mental health and what would they do.  I would just start swearing at them, I go tourettes when they come anywhere near me, I’m terrified of them.  When they suggested it all I could envisage was me spitting at them and being done for assault.  When I thought about it I could have used the 6hour rule to not have to stay incarcerated in police cells but would probably have had to go into care of mental health AND THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL I AM EVER GOING TO DO THAT VOLUNTARILY – NOT EVER.  At least I know what police are capable of and inmates are locked up so can’t harm you.

One part of it I was whimpering and crying, a woman in another cell was being really lovely and telling me it would be OK and not to worry.  She did this for about 20 mins, its amazing how people come together in these situations – I’ve seen it before, especially with people who are upset.  I’ve also seen upset people be verbally attacked by other prisoners and told to kill themselves cause they were losers.  (same sort of people in police)

Then two new guards appeared at my door telling me it was time to leave, knowing I had been having a melt-down for over an hour.  They tried to be nice and commented on my origami, were impressed they were water bombs I had made.  I had to tell them I couldn’t walk and to give me 5mins after my melt-down, they weren’t too bad, only young.

Had a right audience putting me in the first transport van, was getting flashbacks of the last time, couple of years before and it wasn’t good.  Tried to be brave but got to the door and stopped, I Knew there was no choice and all those people behind me woud make me get in there but I still told them how I felt and that I didn’t want to.  One of them commented on me not wanting to go to court, I threw back some insult that shut him up.

Got in the box and focused on my breathing and avoiding teh claustraphobic feelings.  Looked out the back window.  Started hyperventilating and banging my head against the box to calm down.  Prisoner being bit of an arsehole – one of those who hones in on suicidal and traumatised vulnerable people – someone who attacks the weak rather than protects them.  Guards driving teh van suggested one of the guys sing to me to make me feel better.  It does distress some people when they see me in that state – that’s what many of them have encountered when rescuing abused women, except it is the justice system setting off my traumatic behaviour.

I immediately snapped out of what I was doing to keep from freaking out and said I can sing and started singing Why Am I Arrested, with drumming, the prisoner didn’t like it too much but I ignored him.  Then I did Human Sewage and Wish I was Dead with loud emphasis on SHOT by slapping both hands on the metal wall in front of me.  That was as we drove down the Wellington motor way out to the Hutt Valley, I was in full voice, loud as I sing it at home with just as much feeling.  YOu could hear every word.  Everybody shut up after that.

We arrived at Lower Hutt court to swap prisoners & I felt a bit better after singing and joked with those unloading me that last time I was here I chalked Judge PJ Butler on the building and a big swastika.  They knew about the incident and now they had met who did it.  I had been put in last and let out first which I was EXTREMELY GRATEFUL FOR – it was one small thing I had talked to my guard about that they did.

They lied to get me in the van to Lower Hutt because they said the next transport was bigger and really it was much much smaller.

You have to bang on the door repeatedly to get any attention which is annoying, made sure I went to the toilet when I could because I know how incontinent I can get with my bladder/kidney issues if I need to go.  The toilet at Lower Hutt court is amazing, shame they don’t give you pens to contribute to the mural of graffiti all over the natural plywood walls.  I so wanted to do a poem in that room – will have to do something to get back in that room and do one.  Maybe another chalk mission, the walls of that building are like a giant blackboard.  I could come up with some cartoon images and words.

So we were put back in the new – state of the art apparently – transport van/truck.  As we were walking out one of the guards started giving me shit about being in custody and being arrested (which I had organised myself when I did the protest).  Lecturing me, I gave him a right mouthful, told him he wasn’t my fucking father and I was there because two policemen assaulted me, lied about it in court and got away with it and I had thrown red paint over white ribbon banner as a result.  He scoffed to others listening how it was only an alleged assault- there were about 6 guards police around during the change over.  I just said YEAH RIGHT of course it was pig and a few other nasty comments.  Which others listening seemed surprised about.  Said something to the effect how I suppose we would get a shit drive over the hill now after what I said, but we didn’t.

The put me in van and of course the enclosure/metal box was even smaller, only the size of a person sitting down – no way Jerry Browlee would fit.  You had a window, which I just focused on most of the time – the view.  There was a camera up in front of you, you weren’t in handcuffs or anything.  Anybody would think you were a terrorist and your comrades were preparing to break you out – the security was EXTREME.  The plug on the bottom of the metal box made me feel sick, you wonder what sort of fluids went down there.  Anybody with really bad claustraphobia would be completely fkd in that metal box.

The imagines outside the window were cool, such a familiar trip for me but not in a police paddy wagon with bunch of other criminals.  Going through Greytown you could see the van/truck clearly in the windows and Carterton where my graffiti from the morning before was still up.  Would be great idea for a music video for some of my songs.  Make the paddy wagon like a tardis inside with me and a band performing, while outside the world watches us go past in a reflection.  We’re a statistic that people who create this neo-liberal nightmare make sure the masses don’t see.

Got taken out at Masterton and taken through to court waiting room where I tagged ReFuSe on teh wall using my finger and rubbing it over someone who had used a pencil to tag.  Some of the shit on the walls was real bitchy violent hate stuff, typical Masterton and a big pencil tag MSTN can’t be trusted – I completely agree.

It was cold, I didn’t have my coat or my shoes, only my socks, I was feeling yuk and needed something to eat.  The guard I had called a pig was still with me and I had to ask him to get me something to eat as I felt sick and had no breakfast in Wellington.  When we got out the guy in metal box beside me was looking back at me, obviously to see who had been making all the noise – pretty sure he was in the van from Wellington as well.

Guard came in and said I had to see Forensic Nurse while I was there – I refused.  Now I realise police wanted that to prove they hadn’t been the ones who inflicted the bruising to my face.  I had not mentioned the bruising even though I knew it was there.  Several people I have seen since have mentioned it and immediately thought it was police, I’m happy to tell them it was me and was THE SYSTEM that drives me to self-harm, not the actual police around me.

Guard came in and said I had to see lawyer – I refused that as well, no point.  This was only another court date until I actually get a PROPERLY TRAINED CONSTITUTIONAL LAWYER.  Judge was a crusty old guy and you don’t fk with them too much, told him my magna carta rights were violated and I didn’t have to follow the law, told him my mental health was too bad and I couldn’t make myself attend court.  Told him until my health care was reinstated and I got constitutional lawyer I needed I wouldn’t be participating.  He pretended to ignore most of what I was saying.  A lawyer in the room volunteered that another lawyer had just rejected me as a client so LEgal Services Agency were trying to find another before 7 May.  So is Wellington Community Law Centre and Ann Rice at the Law Society.  I don’t believe they exist – its just a sick joke they tell people about justice that they don’t actually do.

Given same bail conditions then waiting in bail room told I have to go back to Masterton police station to pick up my belongings and shoes.   That judge said I am not allowed within 1 metre of unless it is an emergency.  I pointed that out to the court staff – who are always nice to me (most of them) so they phoned police station to get it organised.  I don’t trust Masterton police not to have me prosecuted for picking up my stuff.

Walked out of bail room had to go past security, getting a few flashbacks to melt-down I had there couple of months ago, but nothing I couldn’t handle.  Waved and smiled at the security guard I had yelled at and he smiled back – so that’s all sorted thankfully.  Will make it easier to go in teh building next time.

Lucky it wasn’t raining recently and I could walk around to police station in my socks.  Took my time getting sorted in foyer, getting shoes on, took a photo of where white ribbon banner USED TO BE, tehehehehe.  Although I was sitting in that police station after spending the night in cells, it was actually a WIN FOR ME not for them.  Every time this case goes to court it will be explained I threw paint on that banner because of injustice about police assault, threats and cover up.  Everybody who here’s my story thinks I am completely justified, including me.  I did perform an act of wilful damage but there was no injustice in my actions – so I can’t be prosecuted and punished.

A friend was in Masterton and was able to give me a ride home – back to my car I had left at Carterton Railway station the day before.  All the train guards will know I spent a night in the cells, its really cool how they follow what I do.  If I had seen judge in Wellington I wouldn’t have got a free ride home – that saved me $17.

Another successful guerrilla protest mission as the days go on only those things that left an impression are with me and things are fading, which is why I wanted to write it all down.  Hopefully too it will help/validate other people with stress disorders who have anything to do with the justice system and police.  Give them some ideas on how to deal with situations so they dont’ get too out of hand.

Lastly, when I got home I noticed a form attached to my things  –  Instructions for escorts to and from court.  The comment on me being suicidal was absolutely disgusting, full of lies and was just degrading me because of my suidical ideation, calling them vague threats of suicide.  After police had been so nice to read this was disturbing – who had written it, why would they write such a pile of BS that didn’t help guards whatsoever, in fact it made them more bigoted and easier able to discredit me.  I will be making a complaint about this form and some of the other things that happened and I also can’t praise some police staff highly enough for accommodating impairments related to my disorder/disability and making my stay in custody as easy as it could be for someone like me.

For activists, when you do finally get around friends you can talk to, spend a few hours debriefing and telling them about your experiences.  Have a long hot shower to wash away all the bad shit.  As soon as you can write a diary note about everything that happened, sign it, date it and you’ve already told someone about it.  This is important evidence if anything happens in future to address discrimination and problems that arose – like the revolting comment on transport documents – or not getting access to room prior to being moved and not getting breakfast.

When I got home, as I have said before on my website i got the news that all my ACC care is going to be reinstated after waiting eight years.  It seems surreal and I know once I get this care I won’t be having the melt-downs, self-harming and extreme torment I go through now in teh court system.  Wait until they see jayne in action and full strength – then I’ll kick some legal arse.

 

 

 

Government Corruption in New Zealand Justice System

I have been doing some investigation into human rights justice instruments supposed to protect human rights in New Zealand which quite obviously DO NOT in area of mental health.  A review of the Tribunals unit which is supposed to cover only issues that are not serious shows constitutional and life-death decisions of the government are being adjudicated there.  By people chosen by the government, this is a gross violation of separation of powers and is quite obviously where most corruption and human rights violations are happening.

 

Currently there is a review of the Tribunals law and new proposed law which will see even more civil & human rights violations along with persecution of people with psycho social/psychological disabilities, especially through our court/justice system.

 

This is a list of those justice issues in the Tribunal – note, govt chooses to set up Tribunals and not put them in a court:

 

Occupations Tribunal – for professionals from other countries to be registered

Disputes Tribunal – for monetary disputes up to $15,000 – soon to be $30,000

Motor Vehicle Dealer – registration, complaints etc

Real Estate Tribunal – complaints

Copyright – complaints

Abortion – registration of surgeons etc

Customs – complaints

Land and Title – complaints

Licenses and Certificates

Weathertight homes

Waitangi tribunal

IMMIGRATION – disputes

TAX – disputes

TENANCY – disputes

HUMAN RIGHTS – disputes

ACC – disputes

LAWYERS & CONVEYANCING – disputes

LEGAL AID – disputes

SOCIAL SECURITY – disputes

STUDENTS – disputes about entitlements

 

There is NO WAY disputes against the crown/government should be adjudicated in a Tribunal where the government chooses the members who make decisions.  Those above in capitals are part of our constitutional laws, the most blatant of those is Human Rights.

 

In my case I won two ACC reviews at the Tribunal and have been waiting 8 years for them to reinstate my care.

 

Constitutional law MUST BE PUT UNDER HIGH COURT OR SUPREME COURT SYSTEM – if New Zealanders value it like they say they do it should not be in a lowly Tribunal where government has complete control over it.

 

Government are using huge law firms to defend cases against some of the poorest and most victimized members of society – the playing field must be levelled.  As I have said before there must be a constitutional law service paid for by taxes – that matches all need in society, as required under law.  Constitutional law must be given its proper status in our commonwealth democracy that adheres to Rule of Law.

 

There must be a jury of our peers presiding over constitutional law decisions – Tribunal members and judges have failed us.

 

Disputes about torture must be taken from the Attorney-General, I have asked the Attorney-General for many years to allow me to take a case of Torture against ACC and others – I am refused.  I tried to do it myself and was told by Judge Davidson I was being malicious and I didn’t have consent of Attorney-General.  He also referred to Imperial Laws Application Act 1988

Seamus Boyer Blow Fly Editor Wairarapa News condoning violence against women

I’m really upset about my situation at the moment, WINZ threatening to cut my disability benefit because I can’t see a doctor because I can’t get any mental health services to help me.  I’ve been on invalids for years and still I am forced to go through this nightmare year after year – at the same time as ACC and MH refusing me professional health care I am entitled to by law.  As well as being unable to get a lawyer to force them to do what the law says and get the police to stop terrorising me for legally protesting about this gross injustice.

So I went chalking today on windows of empty shops around Masterton – I then phoned Wairarapa News to tell them what I had done.  I got Seamus Boyer and his behaviour was really really strange, really derogatory, patronising and really strange.  A classic example of this GASLIGHTING behaviour of people in abusive power relationships.

So I called, said who I was, said I had been chalking about police violence and suicide – just so he knew and could report it.  So he launched into speaking over me, saying we’ve talked about this Jayne, (which we havn’t – he’s talked about it but he wouldn’t listen to anything I said or what was happening to me).  I don’t intend to say anything about what you are doing, you’re not listening Jayne, I don’t intend to change my mind.

When I said but we havn’t talked about anything, he repeats we’ve talked about this, I’m ending this call, I’m not interested in anything you have to say Jayne.  Really really creepy.  HE doesn’t know anything about me, he has never talked to me about any of this, except to disagree with anything I have told him about what is happening in Wairarapa.  He is a classic example of a radicalised person, just like Germans were like prior to WWII, listening to everything those in power were saying and in complete denial about the suffering and harm they were inflicting against vulnerable minority groups.

Sadly I lost it & swore at him before he hung up – I am devastated and distraught because it is yet more confirmation of how red-neck and right-wing extremist Wairarapa news media are.  That is why we are No 1 for suicide in this region, no 1 for compulstory treatment orders, No 1 for use of psychotropic drugs on disabled people, No 1 for homelessness (most disabled poor been driven from this region already).  It is a mass psychosis with these people in power – exactly what happens in abusive power relationships – classic GASLIGHTING of women.

Seamus Boyer IS RESPONSIBLE for the suffering and suicides of dozens of Wairarapa people, because he covers up the gross miscarriage of justice happening to me and so many disabled poor people in this region.  It is deeply disturbing just how creepy these people are.  So don’t believe anything you see in Wairarapa News – or Times Age, they are even more OLD BOYS NETWORK.

He doesn’t want to know what has happened to me at the hands of police, ACC, mental health and my community because he can’t live in denial if he hears what is going on.  He doesn’t want to know what I do as a Civil Society actor, making submissions to Select Committees and United Nations Human Rights committees.

Some serious KARMA coming to that man and all those he protects. ewwwwww

NZ Human Rights Universal Periodic Review Consultation Wellington

Arrived at Victoria University for the event, people from Ministry of Foreign Affairs and Trade organising it.  Was desperate to find someone I could talk to about getting protection from police as a Civil Society Actor.   Started talkng to this woman Sally, was upset, she told me she had been involved in human rights sector for years.  I challenged her that it was people like her who had caused the human rights issues we now had, that I now had.

She became very passive aggressive to the point of creepy, they bought me a young woman from Human Rights Commission & I immediately moved away from her like I was frightened – I can’t help it, its a reaction to all the times they have not helped me & hurt me – after all those years begging for their help and being discredited, ignored and having police etc attack me for it.

I wasn’t in a good place so I couldn’t talk to them – there’s no point – I know there is no point after 15 years.  Only place I am ever going to get help is the United Nations, HRC are set up to protect the government and New Zealand’s reputation – they even say that in their promotion of the event.  They say they trying to protect NZs reputation BLATANTLY – groan.

Sally & another woman couldn’t/woudn’t believe what has been happening with police, mental health, ACC and the justice system.  When I said about throwing the paint on White Ribbon banner in police station and chalking swastika on building Sally became really weird.  Apparently NOBODY is allowed to use that symbol etc etc, (she also called me Sweetie one part of it).  I asked her if she knew how the HUman Rights Act came about, she said she did.  When I my use of that symbol was to represent gross violations of my rights and I had every right to use it, she kept saying I wasn’t – so did the young HRC woman.   I tried to explain about people being driven to self-harm, violence, addiction suicide etc due to human rights violations by our government – she didn’t want to know.  NAZIs did it to people, in 21st century govt has worked out how to drive people to doing it themselves.  NZ has highest rate of woman self-harming in the world.

I told her she was trivialising and discrediting what was happening to me and 10,000s of other mentally injured abuse victims with her ‘extreme’ reaction to me using the swastika.  She said she wasn’t -but she was.  She was incredibly patronising and behaving really oddly, other people came around.  I knew it was time to end the conversation when people start reacting like that.  So I headed into the lecture theatre to sit down, a very dark skinned woman with braids had been listening and tried to stop me, she asked the man standing near the door to stop me from entering.  I wasn’t having any of that so just went around him, while he was trying to work out why I would be stopped.  Lots of practice & a complete lack of respect for govt officials gives you the strength to ignore them.

I also told Sally I was human sewage and she kept telling me I wasn’t, over and over again.  I said I wasn’t asking her opinion on it, I knew how I was being treated, I was a poet and song-writer and had written a song about it, I knew I was human sewage.  Her reaction was very strange.

I got in the meeting – about 50 people – mostly from agencies WHO HAVE BEEN CAUSING THESE HUMAN RIGHTS ISSUES – groan.  I had begged for help from EVERY ONE OF THEM and been told they don’t deal with individual cases – question is how do they represent human rights violations if they refuse to talk to the people having their rights violated.  Some of them loved the sound of their own voices.  The people running it were middle class ignorant people, obviously doing very well pretending we have human rights in New Zealand and staying ignorant to what is really happening.

By this stage the organisers were in a flap, outside, Sally came in and proceeded to tell me I had to leave – I looked at her and said NO.  Yes apparently I had to leave by order of Victoria University Security because I was trespassed.  WTF – I was shocked, don’t remember being given a trespass order by them, even though did have an altercation with security during a chalk protest outside couple of years ago.  Police were called, but nothing came of it.

So spoke up in front of everybody and told them what was happening, started crying, told the room of people they were trying to have me removed, that I just wanted to stay – it was related to my LEGAL non-violent protests and I needed to stay to find out what to do to get protection and justice.  I asked them to back me up, only 2 people did, the organiser up the front went out and had a talk to security, came back in and whispered I could stay.  They don’t realise there would have been NO WAY they would have got me out of there without police arresting me – NO WAY.

What a way to start the consultation meeting – with such a blatant violation of my human and civil rights.  Sally came back in the room and tried to sit beside me – I asked her to go away several times, she refused.  She moved a few seats away from me, but came closer at one point – she was making me feel really uncomfortable and was even turned towards me.  I just tried to ignore her.  Why would someone sit beside you, when you obviously didn’t like them or want them there – it was really really creepy & I will be making a complaint about her inappropriate behaviour.  An ex-social worker – groan, some of those people are very mentally disturbed – passive aggressive & DO NOT like being challenged – they just want people saying nice things about them.

We went around the room with microphone, most people were talking about violations of human rights against mentally ill people – but from an advocacy perspective.  Got to me and I did it from my perspective.

Took some notes, supported people when they said things I know to be true – groaned, closed my eyes and shook my head when I heard BULLSHIT from people who had no idea what they were talking about.

Talked to a couple of people afterwards about what going on with police, everything they suggested I had tried.  They were shocked at what was going on – because obviously they don’t come into contact with people like me – but I had phoned every one of those organisations (eg Amnesty & UN NZ group and been told to go away, they didn’t want to know about individual cases.  Not the exact person I was speaking to, but others.)

Left & went to Parliament was upset about what had happened – they had actually tried to have me removed from that very important meeting on how to approach United Nations about human rights abuses I was being subjected to. WTF.  And that woman Sally had acted really strangely – I’m sure a psychitarist would be able to explain her disturbing behaviour, especially about sitting next to me when I asked her not to – what was that?

At parliament I sat there mostly just crying & upset in front of my signs, my biggest sign was WORTHELESS SUICIDAL ABUSE VICTIM, PLEASE KILL ME – that’s how I felt.  A nice couple of tourists came up to me and asked why there was so much suicide in New Zealand.  So I told them why, was thinking later how I should do a VLOG about it.  They completely understood about how NZers were so looked after by their government but after neo-liberalism they were terrorised by them.

I asked their nationality as I couldn’t pick it – the were Isralie – there was another person their listening as well – an American, she agreed with everything I was saying about neo-liberalism government etc – was ashamed of Trump.  I said how I didn’t really understand the conflicts in their region and was focused on my own country, didn’t believe it was anything really to do with me on the other side of the world.  I did say I knew they had serious issues of allocation of resources like water and places to grow food, which I am sure was fuelling their problems.

As we talked it was apparent in New Zealand the poorest are denied a safe place to live and access to land required to grow food.  They have welfare & homes for disabled in Israel – so does New Zealand, but I said how they had taken many away and even though they gave you just enough to live, rents were skyrocketing and payments weren’t.  I also commented that even though there was welfare you were degraded & hated in teh community when you had to rely on it.  Even your own family were ashamed of you.

An Indian man from MSD (sounded like a senior executive the way he was talking) came along, he was nice and wanted to get me help.  First thing he asked me is if it was MSD who were not helping me.  I assured him my WINZ case manager was one of my biggest support people, she was an amazing person and was often upset she couldn’t get me ACC care and mental health services I was entitled to.  He was relieved – he checked about three more times, he was nice & went into Parliament to try and get me to see an MP – once he heard how serious my situation was.  He never came back, I told him they wouldnt’ see me, they were all scared of me but he could try if he wanted to.  I told them I was in contact with them and nothing had changed.

Then DAVE came over – Dave is one of the older security guards I DO NOT LIKE after a couple of incidents which were grossly unfair.   Apparently people had been in to complain to security about me and several had called police – WTF – what he said came across as a threat – hell it is a threat, but that’s the abusive process at the moment – that’s what all those people in suicide prevention have done – turned suicidal people into CRIINALS.  I know how to get out of having police or mental health called, there no way they going to commit me in a million years.

Had a long talk with Dave, so we sort of reconciled our differences, although I cried several times and said how traumatised I was by the things he had done.  He never apologised of course.  He agreed with most of what I was saying, he also said staff had been pretty traumatised by the man who set himself alight on the lawn.

At one point there was a cameraman setting up for someone I didn’t recognised, obviously to do with a news programme of some sort.  Maybe it was about the court case of woman helping her mum suicide and my sign sort of related to that.  I know he set up so I was in teh background, but I couldn’t bare to watch TV news tonight after they went on and on about National party leadership.

Left about 3.30pm and headed home.  I have protested 100s of times now, EVERY time I go out always learn something & always meet some really interesting people.  Usually learn something about how bad the system is as well – but today was the weirdest.  Those MFAT people are completely radicalised, they truly believe people are getting what the government and laws say they are.  Thank God all our submissions will go to the United Nations, I’ll make one to MFAT by 21st June 2018, but I know they will ignore it – as they ignore all my submissions on human rights etc.

What a day – I want to encourage people with human rights and other injustice issues TO BE IDLE NO MORE – GET OUT IN THE WORLD, OUT IN THE STREET, it is essential if we want things to change.

Kia kaha & Aroha to us all.

 

 

 

Psychological abuse – GASLIGHTING – by Wairarapa police New Zealand

9 February 2018

 

Peter Jackson &

David Rutherford

Human Rights Commission

PO Box 12411

Thorndon

WELLINGTON

 

(NOTE: this letter was also emailed to Secretary for Justice Andrew Bridgman, Jacinda Ardern PM, Andrew Little Minister for Justice, Stuart Nash Minister for Police, Kieran McNaulty MP, Ron Mark MP, Jan Logie, Mojo Mathes, Carterton Mayor John Booth & Lynn Patterson Masterton Mayor, Wairarapa Times Age and Wairarapa News)

Dear Sirs

This letter is to multiple people, not just those on the address above, I can only write this once. I beg for help so often and am completely discredited, degraded & criminally neglected for telling the truth about what is happening to me (and many other people I am sure).

I refer to the letter 12013 and the absolutely insulting patronising response about Disabled people purposely left to rot on welfare because of gross miscarriage of justice currently perpetrated by our cruel immoral and corruption neo-liberal controlled government and justice agencies. The three arms of government all being grossly corrupted by this economic movement now being called a terrorist religion.

You are talking about improving employment outcomes for disabled people like myself, when I am being illegally denied professional treatment care rehabilitation and a safe home to live in by ACC. If I received the assistance I am entitled to I would be able to return to work.  Along with being terrorised by police and others for asking for the health care and justice I know I am entitled to under law – especially Human Rights laws that you are supposed to uphold.

The treatment of disabled people being denied the right to work has nothing to do with societal attitudes it is purely economic and relates to the attitude of our corrupt immoral cruel leaders – it is nothing to do with society – they don’t even know what is going on. They teach discrimination of less than 100% productive workers at university – any person who does an economics paper as part of their degree will be taught to get the maximum productivity out of staff. The ideas of running an advertising campaign to ‘brainwash’ (which is illegal under Bill of Rights & Human Rights) society to be nice to disabled people is deeply flawed & deeply disturbing.

The discrimination I face almost daily for not working has been ingrained in people for 30 years since neo-liberals drove jobs overseas & impoverished 100,000s New Zealanders purposely – then blamed them for their situation – especially disabled people. I face this discrimination, not only in my community but mostly from mental health services, politicians, police, lawyers, justice services and your organisation. You know that because you know who I am and why I protest against you – why I put up pieces of art with swastika’s on in your office – because you are leading the persecution of disabled people by refusing to protect them and uphold the law.

Currently I am being terrorised by police yet again for my LEGAL and completely justified protests about not receiving the PROFESSIONAL mental health care I am entitled to from ACC (after winning two reviews in 2010 & 2011). ACC review decisions are legally binding, it is illegal to not reinstate my care from 2009 and yet they do it and use impairments related to my disorder to continue the psychological abuse. They do this and I beg you to help and protect me from this gross violation of my rights and you do absolutely nothing – you bring out propaganda saying they should treat me better.

Police violently assault me and threaten me with worse violence if I continue to protest – I am assuming worse violence means what happened to Louise Nicholas and I know for a fact includes psychological abuse using the justice system. I stopped sending you my complaints of serious violations of my rights, which puts my life at risk on a regular basis – you have done absolutely nothing to help me – in fact you participate in using police to terrorise me further – as does the Ombudsman.

Today I sit here writing this terrified at what lengths, neo-liberal elements in police are prepared to go to in order to drive me to suicide, self-harm and more.

I don’t know how to begin because of the extremely life-threatening disorder I now have after years of medical & criminal neglect I have COMPOUNDING Complex PTSD. So bringing up all the traumas causes me significant suffering and torment, makes me highly suicidal and there is nowhere I can turn for help. I was denied professional health care in December after an assessment by a CCDHB psychologist and psychiatrist. I was dumped onto a social worker who caused me significant harm after only a few weeks because he had no concept of seriousness of my impairments (even though I told him).

I currently have no doctor, I am in constant physical pain with my kidneys, hips & ankle, I have another skin cancer but I won’t be able to have this one addressed because I am too terrified to interact with health providers now, after years of discrimination. The very people who supposed to help me are instrumental in discriminating against and persecuting me.

PLEASE NOTE: I am in intelligent person and writer I have an Oxford Dictionary I bought when studying law at Victoria immediately prior to the rape, I know the meaning of persecution and I am using it correctly in this instance. I DO NOT HAVE A MENTAL HEALTH ISSUE that involves paranoia and delusions of persecution, which is how I am treated by your agency and every other I beg for health care and justice from.

So 2 years ago I attempted to attend the court case by Tony Ellis of 3 mentally ill men for torture. I had already tried to take a case of torture myself against ACC and failed at court – I have proof of this. I had already begged your office and attorney-general to allow me to take a case and you both refused to acknowledge what was happening to me. I have been unable to get a lawyer to protect me and my rights in 15 years. I have a letter from my previous criminal lawyer that advises I have serious unmet legal needs. I can provide that if required – as I know you don’t believe anything I say.

Before attending the Tony Ellis trial I phoned High Court security and told them I would be protesting outside and attending court but would not be doing anything but watching – so I could learn how Mr Ellis presented the case so I could do one myself – as I couldn’t get a lawyer, was desperate to return to work and didn’t want to die of my disorder (which is highly dangerous according to all international evidence).

As I went into the court I was confronted by security and told I was not allowed to go, I became very upset as I had done everything required of me, I needed to know this information or I couldn’t get justice I desperately needed. I continued to walk into the court and was violently assaulted by security, I was crying and deeply upset. I had never been assaulted by security before in all my years of being arrested and protesting – I have video footage of some of what happened. When police arrived I was curled up in a ball on the floor against the wall, with a sign in front of me, distraught and traumatised, I have photos of the sign & me looking up at 6 men towering over me. Police arrested me and were very nice, I never resist arrest. I made a formal complaint of assault against High Court security, a complaint that was handled by Sgt Q Hoera, he interviewed me but did nothing about what happened. Even though I know the law, I know what security are allowed to do and they overstepped their authority and the law.

Around this time I was extremely unwell, still begging ACC to reinstate my care from 2009, still being ignored and impairments related to my disability being used against me. I had made multiple complaints to police under Sections 150A 151 155 157 of the Crimes Act, but was ignored. I was phoning ACC remote claims unit – which I had been dumped on because I was angry at being denied professional health care I am legally entitled to after winning 2 reviews – in an extremely unwell and psychotic state screaming at them to return my care.

When I asked for a copy of the recorded phone calls on their answerphone (remote claims NEVER answer the phone it is only an answerphone) under the Privacy Act I was told they did not keep copies of them and my request was denied. Around six weeks later police came to my home and told me they were going to charge me with misuse of a telephone for making the calls, I was overwhelmed with grief and distraught at this gross injustice.   I spent 3 months being dragged through court only to have charges dropped at the last minute.  ACC could only do this by providing a record of the answerphone messages.

Six weeks after the charges were dropped I had police come to my home again (I am terrified of police at my home after years of visits, many of which were extremely traumatising – I have nightmares about police coming to my home now). They told me they were charging me with misuse of a telephone yet again, for phoning ACC really unwell and screaming for help. I was horrified, I have serious RECOGNISED BY A PSYCHIATRIST communication issues when triggered and I couldn’t communicate with police at the time.

I composed myself and went to Carterton police station to find out what was going on -why where they doing this to me again? I was met with insults, degradation and appalling discrimination by the two officers Sgt Q Hoera and Constable Alan French. For 10 mins I was treated like this, trying to defend myself and tell them they were wrong, mental health and ACC were liars I was begging for care – they were saying lots of people had tried to help me and I didn’t want it – that is not true.

I became so angry, I didn’t swear (go tourettes) like I can do (which is a recognised impairment related to my disability) I went back to my car, got out a chalk pen, went back to the police station and drew a swastika & words corrupt on the window in front of them. That was to represent the appalling violation of my human rights – human rights I had as a result of the United Nations recognising how the NAZIs rose to power and putting laws in place to stop this happening again.

I was violently assaulted by these two officers – for my NON-VIOLENT PROTEST. I was subjected to hours of insults and discrimination, when I tried to defend myself verbally they became more abusive and threatened I WOULD SEE HOW BAD POLICE COULD BE IF I KEPT IT UP.   Threats I take extremely seriously considering what happened to Louise Nicholas for many years. I have also realised police are using psychological abuse – which is referred to as Gaslighting – to intimidate and drive my suicidal behaviour even more – they want me to commit suicide.

I want to be sick and tears are rolling down my face as I write this, I will have to self-harm to cope once it is finished.

After I was released I went home to NO SUPPORT and couldn’t tell friends and family either I was so traumatised. I emailed Mike Sutton of Masterton police and told him what had happened, I made a formal complaint to him and the IPCA, I was ignored. A few days later I woke up very very unwell and highly suicidal, covered in bruises, I went to local hospital A & E. When I got there I was very distraught the nurse asked me who had hurt me, I didn’t want to tell her, she had been nice up to that point. Once I said it was police her entire demeanour changed, she left me alone – which was extremely inappropriate in the circumstances. She then put me in another cubicle, left me on my own so terrorised I was rocking backwards and forwards on the bed. By the time a doctor came to see me I was curled up in a ball in the corner of the room rocking, banging my back against the wall to try and calm myself.

The doctor was very nice, he seemed to understand where the nurse was horrible. They recorded the bruising on my hands, my arm and down left side of my leg. I left and went home to no support.

That medical account was given as evidence during the court case for graffiti and wilful trespass I was being charged under – that the violent assault by police was being decided under.  Q Hoera and Alan French told the judge I was pushed up against the wall, when I was thrown onto the ground, which is why I had bruises on side of my left leg.

Nobody told me until the case went to court almost 18 months since the protests and assault that it would be dealt with during court proceedings for my protesting – about police being used by ACC to charge me with misuse of a telephone for screaming for help I am entitled to and desperately needed. I had received the CCTV footage of me being processed by police after the assault – it proves what they had done to me – it was never used in court. Neither was extensive other evidence as to why I was protesting. My lawyer at the time was a public defender with no experience in human rights, bill of rights or what was happening to me.

The lawyer demanded I take out my statement about what was happening to me.

I was acquitted of several other charges for protesting (as I have been multiple times before) but was charged with graffiti for the chalk pen swastika. The judge also made a judgement about the assault saying the officers were justified and not believing anything about the threats or the extent of violence – which I know was illegal. I have been arrested many times, police in Wellington HAVE NEVER treated me so violently. There is a culture of police violence against women in Wairarapa that is not being addressed and is getting worse – I have spoken to several other people now who have witnessed or experienced unnecessary violence towards women here.

I was extremely upset about yet another gross violation of my rights and justice. I became even more unwell and a series of events related to my currently UNSAFE UNSTABLE living situation caused me even further distress (these included a terrifying situation with a mentally ill man on a bracelet in community who had just got out of prison and wanted to live with me because I desperately needed a flatmate.) Which is another story and violation of my human and disability rights that you are currently ignoring.

To cope with what police had done, as I was becoming even more unwell, if that is possible – I went to Masterton police station two weeks ago (30 Jan) and threw red paint over the large white ribbon banner in the foyer. I left, chalked a swastika on the building then headed for Lower Hutt court where I chalked a comment about the very old judge who made the decision and a swastika. I then went to Wellington police station and handed myself in to police there, as I trusted them. They were very nice but made me talk about the police assault which was very upsetting, it was obvious they were uncomfortable with what Wairarapa police had done and the entire situation I was in.

I was given a bail notice to appear on 6th February and conditions that I wasn’t to go within 1 metre of a Wairarapa police station and was to stay every night at my current address. On 1 February a police officer came to my home (which police know I am terrified of), he was very nice and respectful, he told me the 6 Feb date was done in error and could I sign a new Notice of Police Bail that required me to attend court on Monday 5 February. I was told failure to appear would result in my arrest and the notice advises I may be punished by imprisonment of up to 3 months if I did not attend.

I was nervous about the court, as I have spent the past 18 months being dragged through court, I have to get mentally prepared to go, I get dressed up. I am very poor at the moment because I havn’t had a flatmate for past 3 months and had to drive to Masterton with my petrol light flashing – and stressing about that.

When I got there I went inside to tell security to call me when my name came up as I was going to wait outside – and had my guitar so I could sing my songs, which helps me feel less stressed.   I have been escorted from court several times for singing and getting upset inside the court. Court staff know it is better for me to be outside waiting, I don’t feel so trapped (the need to be outside is related to the rape and heightened fight flight and freeze response/impairment I now have). While I was outside singing at around 9am – I was at court at 8.30am as required by the notice.

I also chalked “STOP police violence towards disabled women” on the court fence, I have chalked in this way many times before and not been arrested for it, I know it is within my rights to do this considering the extent of persecution and human rights violations I have been subjected to over several years.

NOTE: I have made a formal complaint to about Judge PJ Butler over his decision and I am attempting to appeal the conviction for graffiti – or more accurately the POLICE ASSAULT decision. But I have been very unwell and still cannot get a lawyer so trying to do it myself.

Police came along outside court and handed me a summons to appear in court on 5 March. Told me I wouldn’t be going to court today. I was very confused, I needed to see the judge to plead and ask for a psych assessment regarding my mental health and motivation behind the blood protest. The WHITE RIBBON sign I threw red poster pain on said to SPEAK OUT ABOUT VIOLENCE TOWARDS WOMEN. I had spoken out and been victimised even more. I know how long court takes, I wanted to make sure things were done as quickly as possible and getting the judge to order an assessment with Justin Barry-Walsh (who I trust and has assessed me for court proceedings previously) would speed things up. Also I had to get a lawyer.

Police left and I went into the court to see the judge. The security guard was very odd, he told me I wasn’t on the court list and I wasn’t allowed in the court, to see a judge or the registrar. I became upset and was then told I was trespassed. I know every person has a right under Magna Carta to see a judge if they need to. I was told there was only a registrar and no judge that day – even though the police officer who came to my home said I would be see a judge. I was prepared to see the registrar but they refused to let me. A woman who works at the court came out from a room looking frightened, she said there was only a registrar, she knew something bad was happening to me I am sure.

I left the court and headed back to my car not far away, as I was three police officers came around the corner, the two who had given me the summons and another. There was one shorter police officer and two very tall ones – it was very intimidating. I have NEVER resisted arrest police know that, I have had situations in Wellington where one officer was sent to arrest me. Once I am told I am under arrest I comply with everything police say, unless it violates my rights.

I was very distressed at being required to be in court or I could spend time in jail, but told I didn’t need to be there and to come back in a month. I went home with my light still flashing, I was very upset, mostly because the behaviour by police was so blatantly part of the GASLIGHTING form of psychological abuse vulnerable people can be subjected to by people in positions of power over them, either abusive partners or abusive organisations like police. This is a well documented and accepted form of abuse in power relationships. This is why we have a Human Rights Act and supposed to be protected from this form of violence by those in positions of power.

As Tuesday was a holiday on Wednesday I headed for Wellington early to see a judge or the registrar so I could have my court case moved to Wellington as it was obvious to me I was never going to get justice at the Masterton Court and the police station is behind the court house. I am terrified of Wairarapa police after years of discrimination and harm that you and other organisations suppose to protect me ignore.

I knew I had to see a judge but there were none available at Wellington District Court which I found strange, given it was a city court. I asked to see the registrar to explain what had happened and get the court proceedings moved. I talked to a Chinese man who was difficult to understand because of his accent, he was horrible, when I started to cry recounting what was going on he became insulting and patronising, when I told him it was police who were harming me he got worse. Because I was upset security were called to stand behind me and intimidate me – I was sodomised by the rapist from behind I get nervous when men stand behind me.

I then spoke to another person in the registrar’s office at Wellington District Court, all the woman said was for me to calm down – ie not cry and be completely distraught. She didn’t help me get to see the registrar to get court changed and arrange a psych report (as has been done before when I have gone through court for protesting about not receiving mental health care I am entitled to by law). Then she told security to remove me without helping me. A large woman with blond hair was by this stage standing behind her with a look of complete contempt on her face – a manager perhaps.

I left with security, but asked to see a lawyer on the 2nd floor, which I was allowed to do. This lawyer – who I will get the name of soon – listened to what was happening for just a short time, took my two Bail notices and summons off me, told me they were police documents and nothing to do with the court and I should leave. I was shocked, this wasn’t right advice and I knew that, I left with security. The lawyer told me if I wanted the court venue changed it was police I had to ask. I was scared to go to them but I had no choice.

I then went to Wellington police station as the lawyer told me and explained the situation. They told me I could not get court venue changed unless I changed my plea to guilty. But I hadn’t been able to plead because they wouldn’t let me in the court (even if I was going to plead not guilty I still hadn’t told the court that). The police officer was very nice, I was very very upset, he knew what was happening to me was wrong. He ended up agreeing it was a judge or registrar that would need to change the court venue – as I was now terrified of being in Masterton knowing what they were capable of. I kept saying I was sorry to him, for being so upset and that I had to complain about what police in Wairarapa were doing to me.

I left the police station and headed for the Community Law Centre where I sat waiting for 2 hours, crying mostly. I saw two women and told them my story, they said I really needed a lawyer and listed three on the form they gave me – I was distraught, begged them to find me a lawyer as when I ever tried I was rejected – they refused saying they weren’t allowed. I have since phoned those three lawyers one of them was not a criminal lawyer and couldn’t do it – the other two weren’t taking on new clients. I then remembered why I stopped going to Community Law Centre (I had been there about 5 times in past 14 years) because they always told me I needed a lawyer, referred me to people who were too busy or refused to help me because it wasn’t their area of expertise. This is a violation of my Magna Carta rights, and I know it.

Because I am now terrified of Wairarapa police and security at Masterton Court house I know I won’t be able to attend the summons on 5 March – I have no mental health support and impairments related to my disorder will stop me from going – I become phobic and unable to move when I am very unwell. I would then break the law and then police will come to my home and violently arrest me – I don’t want that, but I can’t go to Masterton court, I know I can’t. This is an impairment related to my disability and must be accommodated if possible under Human Rights and Bill of Rights laws.

When I spoke to Community Law lawyers they told me I was right in applying to the registrar in Wellington, they suggested the reason court staff were so insulting is they don’t like dealing with lay-people. If a lawyer was representing me they would have treated them with respect at the request to shift venues and most likely agreed, considering the proof of years of victimisation and police violence.

I desperately need a lawyer but there are none, I can’t appear in court in Masterton because of impairments related to my disorder, God please help me – what do I do? I have phoned dozens of lawyers, every rejection causes me to self-harm and is extremely harmful and degrading.

I contact politicians and senior police who supposed to take complaints of harm seriously – they refuse to do anything. I am a Civil Society Actor as defined by the United Nations it is illegal to use processes in a punitive way, which is exactly what is happening to me. I have contacted the United Nations, they told me you would help me and protect me, but you never have.

GOD PLEASE HELP ME.

Yours sincerely

JR

Civil Society Actor

HUMAN SEWAGE

 

 

Got convicted of GRAFFITI today – Listen to what happened

What a day after 18 months of waiting apparently I’m not guilty of Wilful Trespass but am guilty of Graffiti – but I won’t be punished or sentenced unless I commit another crime – WHICH I DEFINITELY WILL BE.

So got to Lower Hutt court – which is 1 hour drive from home (please note: I can’t find a flatmate so rent is $260 & invalids benefit is $410) petrol cost $20.  If I wanted to get the decision in Masterton I would have had to wait until March 2018 before the revolting corrupt fascist elitist VERY OLD judge was here again and I would have killed myself having to wait that long.

I was nervous of course, waiting outside court was a young man sitting on the low walls around the front area, with gardens full of cigarette butts.  He offered me a cigarette a couple of times to deal with the stress – so I did.  Big sign on the Lower Hutt court house said NO SMOKING – should have got a photo.

We talked about why I was there, he was 100% behind what I was doing and felt the same way about the government, inequality, justice, etc.  Was nervous and needed to do something.

I went and did some chalking in front of the court house that said:

NZ law No 1

Westminster Statute the 1st

  • common right be done to all rich as poor

NZ law No 2

Magna Carta

No-one shall be destroyed and everyone shall have access to right and justice

 

THEN POEM

We’re not shares to be traded

We’re not pawns in a game

We’re not doing OK

And we’re not the ones to blame

 

Then a comment about how if wealthy govt violate Laws 1 & 2 then poor people don’t have to abide by any laws wealthy govt makes.

 

While I was doing it a young officer came along and started asking me questions, telling me I had been in trouble before for chalking and that I shouldn’t be doing it.  I told him it was all legal and I wasn’t going to stop, that I knew my rights, it was chalk.  He asked me what it was all about – my response was – can’t you read.  He kept annoying me and I got angry, I don’t have to answer his questions, told him politely several times to leave me alone, he didn’t so I started swearing at him.   Got very heated and he threatened me with being arrested and put in prison – I think the prison threat was pretty funny.  Came very close to being arrested BEFORE COURT.

Thankfully not far from us was the man I had just been talking to and a Dominion Post journalist.  So I started raising my voice so they knew what was going on – there was no way I wanted to get arrested BEFORE COURT and NO WAY I was backing down when he was the one annoying me.  The officer asked me why I was being loud, so I told him, to make sure that journalist over there hears what happens to disabled activists like me for writing statements and poetry about justice on the street (well actually it was on court property technically).  Photos are on my facebook page /jrmurphypoetmusician

I finished my chalking while police officer phoned his boss and talked for quite a long time before he came back – with a vastly different attitude – I was just finishing.  He asked me a really cool question about why I had said poor people dont have to follow the law if their Westminister & Magna Carta rights had been violated.  Told him the story about 1200s when they were feuding and some people decided the fighting needed to stop, so they decided on a set of rules (LAWS) But there was NO WAY the peasants would agree to the rules if the rich didn’t have to – or were treated better.

Magna Carta also guaranteed above all else that govt wouldn’t destroy you and everybody would have access to right and justice.  Which currently doesn’t happen and is why we have so much violence – previous intelligent humans knew some pretty cool and interesting things about human behaviour under persecution – go figure.  I think man has become more stupid as we have evolved – or maybe its just those who lead us – groan.

Police officer also said he didn’t agree with what was happening to mentally ill people in the system.  I said how good that was to hear and all peaceful revolutions succeeded when police refused to take up arms against CITIZENS.  (Isn’t it a shame we don’t have this sort of news or discussion on mainstream media?)

While I was chalking my poem a young man came past on a skateboard – loved what I was doing.  Said he was working homeless, things weren’t good, police had offered to lock him up in the cells for few nights if he needed somewhere to stay – they weren’t kidding, they actually were trying to help him.  He had mental health issues as well.

I went back to sit down and another man arrived, he had a cool music box with him in a bag, big Maori/Samoan man.  We started talking and I discovered he had Complex PTSD like me, he was up on charges of assaulting a police officer, resisting arrest etc.  He was really worried (was expecting bracelet or prison for 3 mths) – the things he was describing about his behaviour were TYPICAL PTSD symptoms.

It was 9am, he said he didn’t have to be there until 2.30pm – I said he should keep busy, perhaps go down the river or to some big trees, that might help – it helped me in the past.  He said if he left he didn’t think he would return, so i agreed with him about staying.  He revealed to me – by the sounds of it all the talk about abused CYFS kids getting an inquiry had been triggering memories of his own abuse.

He said people told him he shouldn’t bottle it up, but he couldn’t let it out either cause he couldn’t control it and someone would get hurt – oh boy do I know how that feels – probably not as violently as him but I know the feeling very well.  I assured him he was right about not wanting to talk about what happened if he was getting violent with it – I told him how I was protesting about professional care for abuse victims like him and me, and health care that would help us through dealing with really bad trauma.  it took only a few minutes and we were talking like long lost friends – that happens a lot with me when I come across people with Complex PTSD.  Cause I have studied it for so many years I understand it very well and understand people who have it – people who don’t have it DO NOT UNDERSTAND.

We talked about not letting people get to you, when some toxic triggering shit came towards you how to pretend in your minds eye you are dodging it, it flies right past and ends up in a basket behind you.  Especially useful for inconsiderate, degrading or abusive families you supposed to get help from.  He heard me swearing at officer as well & understood.  Officer came back past and I apologised for swearing at him – I never used to swear – but then I wasn’t a terrorised persecuted disabled abuse victim being denied health care, a job, a safe home and justice back then.

I reassured him everything would be OK now we had a Labour government & Kelvin Davis was in the media recently saying how he was going to help people who ended up in prison system – especially those with mental health issues.  I told him to make sure he reiterated his mental injury from his violent childhood in CYFS care from 5 yrs old.

He told me about a time when CYF worker had dogs lead around his neck, the lead was slipped under a closed door and the man was pulling it tight so J…. couldn’t breath.  Another child was yelling  at the man he was going blue but he said something abusive and ignored it.  J….. passed out and remembered coming too being dragged along the corridor.  He said a nice social worker at the CYFS home tried to stop and expose the violent abuse but was sacked instead.

(Just so people know, even though he said he didn’t want to talk about it, when you meet someone who understands sometimes a particuarly bad unresolved trauma will come up and next minute you are telling a complete stranger.)  Forcing this process when the person is not in a safe emotional environment – IS NOT GOOD, IS IN FACT DANGEROUS AND LIFE-THREATENING TO THE PERSON.  Getting drunk often brings it out in the worst way – avoiding alcohol helps but its not DEALING WITH it.

Was so cool to meet him and hopefully help him through his day/life – he didn’t have anybody supporting him either.  Made sure he knew me and lots of other people felt exactly like him and had same problems.  I’ve tried to start Stress Disorder Support Groups before but govt wouldn’t let me – I don’t reakon they want all disabled people like us together because we would validate the symptoms of our EXTREMELY DEBILITATING AND SOMETIMES TERRIFYING DISORDER and work out our government, police and justice system were purposely persecuting mentally injured and ill disabled people.

A Dominion Post journalist came along, he was there for my case, but I didn’t want to talk to him – told him I didn’t like journalists so he backed off – which was cool.  He talked to my lawyer by text to find out what was happening. Didn’t take any photos of my chalking or poetry of course.

Several random people took photos and video of my chalking – which is awesome – more uploads and shares the better – more empowered people will be.

Next person I met was a Maori guy who was representing himself in court, had done it a few times before – he hated the justice system, oppressors of the poor and Maori – he was really cool too and admired what I was doing.  Again I was talking to someone like I had known him for years after 5 mins.  He would have heard me going APESHIT at the judge when I was convicted – told him I was going to sing and I did.

Went into court and watched previous case – AGAIN a mental health case involving violence and a man with anxiety and depression (ie suicidal).  How many cases of mentally ill disabled people are in our courts at the moment?????  It is common knowledge two thirds of people in jail are disabled with mental health issues – same people National govt took away right to vote from – now why do you think that was?????

Check out rest of my page and ask yourself WHY we hearing nothing from our two disability commissioners, the Human Rights Commission, Law Commission, Ombudsman, Auditor-General, Mental Health Foundation, etc  They not saying anything because a radicalised terrorist aspect of neo-liberalism is the requirement people who are driven to violence by abuse, prolonged neglect and severe stress are completely discredited, denigrated & blamed for their disorder – not the people who abused them or govt/society that neglected them.

I didn’t sleep last night and I have just become very very tired RIGHT NOW – will finish off tomorrow.

 

 

Open Letter to Wairarapa DHB members & community

Havn’t checked following for spelling or anything, so first draft, but needed to get it posted for my sanity.  Now off to protest in Masterton for two hours about what these people are doing to so many of us.

REPORT INTO MENTAL HEALHT SERVICES AND LEADERSHIP AT WAIRARAPA  DHB. 

 Sent to every Board Member and Wairarapa DHB CEO, HDC, HRC, HRRT, Ombudsman, Auditor-General, United Nations Human Rights Agency – also published on WordPress, facebook, twitter and youtube.

 For the first time in 15 years of begging for health care and justice I am entitled to under ACC, health, disability, criminal, imperial, human rights and bill of rights laws I attended a DHB meeting.  It was as I had expected, a completely out of touch group of affluent people controlled by two corrupt immoral neo-liberal super rich government installed elitists.

 I became extremely distraught to the point of dry reaching when I was listening to Baily-Gibson talking about REAL PEOPLE STORIES of failures in our health system.  Not stories from the Wairarapa of course – not the story I sent him on his email system (that I don’t have a copy of) in November last year about abuse and criminal negligence in mental health services in the Wairarapa.

 Several people I have spoken to said Baily-Gibson is mentally disturbed, tells his patients when they come in how he has no time for any negativity, they must be positive about their situation – this is before they even speak.  I can imagine listening to people’s problems for decades would drive you mad. 

 I challenge Dr Baily-Gibson to print out my complaint about mental health services and present it to the DHB.  As a government employee he is subject to the Privacy Act and under the Privacy Act should release this email to me and the Board.

 HEALTH AND DISABILITY COMMISSION

 The early comment, which I am sure was for my benefit, about complaints being dealt with by the HDC was the first insult.  I have made multiple complaints to this organisation with no result, I am never believed and health professionals always are. 

 I spent four years with a HDC advocate Louise Grant trying to get mental health care, please refer to the series of letters from Andrew Curtis-Cody over the matter.  I received no help and most letters that he wrote didn’t make sense – this hideous mentally disturbed psychopath that runs mental health services in Wairarapa can write nonsense in a letter and he is believed.  I write law and proven health models etc and I’m discredited, degraded, denied health care and persecuted by police for telling the truth.  (Another reason my response to what was being said was so extreme – I have never had a tick that bad before.)

 Even though the HDC advocate said I was being discriminated against and treated badly the Health and Disability Commission refused to investigate the matter.   I gave up making complaints to HDC years ago – they are the most corrupt justice agency in New Zealand.  I have done several protests inside and outside their building over the years and wrote two poems you can google that will tell you the story – HDC Threw Me In A Bin and http://www.jrmurphypoet.com/2014/03/hdc-got-this-poem-called-police-to-bully-me-into-shutting-up-ode-to-the-commission/ 

 I am sure you will find Paul Collins knows the people who head HDC, it’s the same group of radicalised terrorist neo-liberals that ensure the persecution of all mentally ill people.  Please refer to my recent submission on the Suicide Prevention Strategy, that outlines why it is imperative for neo-liberals to deny professional mental health care and safe homes for disabled – especially violently abused men women and children.

 Of course I am speaking from the darklands and place of those who are denied services – there are a small few who are given help, in fact they appear to be lavished with it.  The more majority are rejected and driven even madder or to suicide, as in Wairarapa, the more health care is lavished on others – especially those with physical illness as a result of disease.  The extreme harm caused by government and leaders advancing rich and persecuting poor under neo-liberal terrorism of past 30 years is never dealt with or discussed.

 COMMUNITY APPOINTED BOARD MEMBERS

 I could see most of the people on the board were uncomfortable by my presence, I hate crying and getting upset like that.  It was all I could for just over an hour to hold myself together and cry without sobbing and not tick without making a noise, at what I was listening to and witnessing.  The woman showed the biggest lack of empathy, I find that a lot, men are often supportive when I am so upset but woman DESPISE ME.  I know a lot about psychology and I know that is because women cannot accept government services they are told help people are actually terrorising and hurting people – they can’t accept it when it doesn’t happen to them.

 

I challenge all the elected board members to meet with me for an hour and listen to the songs and poetry I have written about just how abusive mental health services, NZ government, justice agencies and doctors truly are in this country.  Recorded of course.

 

NOTE: I will never ever go into a meeting with any health or justice agency without it being recorded – EVER.  That’s because people in these meetings lie and then deny it.  Just like the CEO yesterday was lying.

WAIRARAPA CEO  – Asti, Albie????

The body language of this hideous woman made me feel validated by what I was doing.  This woman sent me an extremely nasty letter when she first arrived in the job, when I asked for compensation after being terrorised by being dragged through court for months for legally protesting.  I was trespassed from Masterton Hospital for a legal protest I did, I almost threw myself in front of traffic when trying to cross the road to court, was highly suicidal and an old counsellor I had the number of will confirm it.  I phoned her while sitting waiting at court because I was so terrified I would do it when trying to cross the road back to my car.

 

I won the case, was forced to represent myself, not very well because I had been forced to pay back legal aid from a previous case and was so poor at the time (due to my abusive living situation) I couldn’t get a lawyer.  It was later discovered by Legal Aid Services that I shouldn’t have had to pay back any money, they refused to reimburse the $200 I had paid over the previous months of course.

 

It was the DHB that forced police to prosecute me, they are the ones who demanded it.  I recall when I did it how insulting and offensive staff at Masterton Hospital were for my singing, painting and signs.  I have photos of the people who abused me if the Board want to see them – I don’t want to go into how bad it was in this document as I recall every trauma I become highly suicidal and very unwell.  If I was in a safe environment with mental health support I would but I am not.

 

One of the most insulting things was a woman leaning out of a second story window at the CSS building, yelling down at someone watching me singing and protesting.  JUST IGNORE IT!  This is the culture of hatred and discrimination me and 100s of other Wairarapa people disabled by mental health issues (often as a result of abuse) are subjected to on a regular basis.  It is this culture, that permeates the entire sector/industry and is reason Wairarapa now has the highest rate of suicide in New Zealand.

 

It was of course more proof to me women are at the heart of hatred against disabled distraught women who being terrorised by poverty, violence, discrimination, lack of health care for poor, etc created by neo-liberals who run our country.

 

MAORI HEALTH

 

As all of us in the darklands knows this isn’t a race issue at all – this is a class issue.  Reason Maori so high in statistics is they make up bigger proportion of working and disabled poor.  Baily-Gibson making comment about how most doctors are racists was biggest factor in setting off my tick dry reaching.  Doctors aren’t racist they’re bigots who hate the poor, unemployed and least fortunate govt purposely create – there isn’t a word for hating poor people who are suffering that I have found – I hope to create one in the future. 

 

In New Zealand 30 yrs of propaganda has ensured 95% of people despise anybody who is unemployed, irrelevant of the reason.  I know and could tell you multiple stories, even from my own family, about this.  I won’t, unless it is in person, because it will traumatise me too much and I won’t be able to go on.  Except for one story.

 

I was living in Wainuiomata a few years ago, moved over to try and get mental heatlh care and help out a very poor friend (who ended up becoming violent and stealing a lot of money from me).  I had a counsellor, was getting $200 less a week than I am getting now – rotting on invalids benefit – because in Wainuiomata they like to withhold as much money from disabled people as they can.  During my visit with the counsellor I was extremely distressed about the poverty and what was happening with abusive flatmate.  I was having to rely on a very public food bank being run from a community centre – was very humiliating.  Plus person I was living with was eating my food – she had anorexia and most just smoked cigarettes & drunk coffee, but when I moved in I was helping her and so she took advantage.  I had no help myself to stop it.

 So the counsellor is sitting across from me, seeing my extreme distress, knowing I was highly suicidal, self-harming, bulimic etc and says “I hate to ask this Jayne but do you have any Maori ancestry, if you do I can get you some help.”  I felt all the blood drain from my face and my heart sink even further into the depths of hell.  So there is help for Maori and now the government and DHB are going to provide even more – while any other race of people is denied care.  Also people who are criminals are given help, lots of money being put into their care – while their victims suffer and die.

 PAUL COLLINS

 I just shared on my social media some of Paul Collins past, how any of the Board members can have any respect for such a person is beyond me.  The man is obviously seriously disturbed, he has been instrumental in the demise of our socialist caring Kiwi culture, he is driven purely by greed and power, money and accolades.  He is in fact the lowest form of life currently residing in New Zealand and should not be listened to at all.  The Board should rise up against him and everything he represents.  When National are driven out in September he will still be on the Board, still ensuring the persecution of 100s of Wairarapa disabled abused poor men women and children.

 Those on the Board who have any idea of what is going on in mental health care and for poor people should come out publicly against him and the National party appointed CEO – who is just as bad.  I watched the Board meeting, it was quite obvious these two people think themselves way above the other people there – you can tell they are part of the same neo-liberal elite who destroying people like myself and out entire society – from the poor up.

 INTERNATIONAL NEWS MEDIA

 Exposing of neo-liberal terrorist CULT ideologies is all over international news media, please can those on the Board do some research.  Chris Hedges has an excellent series on neo-liberalism in America, you will see the similarities to what has been done to New Zealand by this global terrorists (and yes they are terrorists of poor).

 Please refer to my website www.jrmurphypoet.com where I have outlined multiple violations of NZ and international law in regard to treatment care rehabilitation and justice for mentally injured abuse victims and mentally ill in our society. 

 It is particularly bad in Wairarapa due to our 20 year housing crisis – that local media refused to make public.  Where state housing was sold off and privatised, making this region the poorest for disabled people paying market rents and getting little relief from WINZ.  Trust House continue to buy pubs and fund extravagant sports/arts/business projects instead of buying houses for disabled and poor.

 It is illegal for a disabled person not to have access to state housing – I have never had state housing.  What Wairarapa leaders have done of course is an attempt at gentrifying and driving out all disabled, dysfunctional and poor since the 1984 neo-liberal reign of terror started.   They have done an excellent job, if I have to shift out of my current rental I don’t know where I will go – everybody I know in rentals are terrified about the future.  Which of course makes them drink & smoke even more to cope – or commit suicide.  Like Joes son, Ben, Chelsea, Jarrad, Glen………… and all those other people we all know when you live in the darklands.

 It makes my heart hurt when I think of all the people my 22 & 23 yr old children have known who killed themselves.  I’m 52, that didn’t happen when I was young – did it happen to anybody on the DHB?  These people have no hope, there is no hope, I know that, this advancing of rich and persecution of poor for profit is never going to stop – I’ve spent 15 years trying to get professional health care and justice for myself and others – I’m persecuted and terrorised by police for it.

 Police of course mostly being put in the middle of hatred of rich for poor who need mental health care and justice.  Most police are very nice to me because they are at the cliff face of what I am talking about regarding mental health (now it has been successfully criminalised by neo-liberal terrorists).  But some police officers hate and victimise me, makes them feel better I suppose, makes them feel better about how many disabled mentally ill people who either harm themselves or others they are told to persecute by our government.

 UNITED NATIONS – CIVIL SOCIETY ACTIVIST

 I am a Civil Society Actor / Activist as defined by the United Nations – I can’t get any health care or justice I am entitled to and UN refuses to protect me from police/justice agencies because they are ONLY a marketing organisation.  However I know the process, I can read, I don’t spend my days reading novels, watching movies, smoking and drinking, I spend it educating and empowering myself.  I know the laws I talk about, I can read, I was studying law before being hurt in a crime, I know my rights and I know my disorder – VERY WELL.

 I have reports from top NZ psychiatrists that say I am intelligent, do not have a personality disorder and am not delusional – unlike the people like Paul Collins and DHB CEO, who I know would not come through a mental health assessment with the same outcome as me.

 That I even have reports that say this shows just how corrupt neo-liberalism is.  All I have ever asked for is the ACC and professional mental health care I am entitled to under multiple New Zealand laws so I could return to study/work.  So could again have my own home, which I lost due to my mental injury, but know I never will.  All I have to look forward to is years of discrimination and victimisation by a series of flatmates in unstable unsafe living situations – because there are no state houses for human sewage like me.

 Please google my song HUMAN SEWAGE – I will change it from Bob Francis (who I despise) to Paul Collins.  The first line of the song is I AM HUMAN SEWAGE THE DHB DECIDED SO, PAUL COLLINS SAID DO NOTHING, PRETEND WE DO NOT KNOW.   Which is all the DHB has ever said.

 FAMILIES OF THOSE WHO SUICIDE MUST NOT BE INVOVLED IN SUICIDE PREVENTION

 The reason suicide prevention has become so abusive towards people who are suicidal is because of families.  Many of them were instrumental in the suicide and neglect of the person and yet they get a voice in suicide prevention.  There is the odd affluent person who RECOVERS from suicide who gets a say as well, while the vast majority of us continue to be denied professional health care/models and persecuted by police.

 I am so traumatised by repeated police visits last year I have nightmares about them coming to get me.  There was supposed to be a deal with Ins Donna Coward that police aren’t allowed to come to my home but that is ignored by officers and I had another visit on Saturday after a six month reprieve.  I shook for 2 hours after it – its why I react so badly to nice police officers that DHB get in to terrorise me further just by wearing the uniform.

 Please again read my website and it will explain some of what has happened to me by nasty element in Wairarapa police.  I don’t hate the police of course, but I do want them to act on my repeated complaints of harm under Sections 150A 151 155 157 of Crimes Act.   Only reason they don’t of course is because they are corrupt at their highest levels, ask Paul Collins what he has to do with highly paid corrupt officials like Mike Bush?

 I can’t go on, what is the point, I write so many letters, so many submissions to select committees, so many emails begging for help I am entitled to, participate in so many meetings and NOTHING EVER CHANGES – THINGS ONLY EVER GET WORSE.  Which is why I am currently protesting the way I am – I know nothing ever works – its set up to fail, especially the justice system, especially the protection of disabled human sewage like me.

 All Andrew Curtis-Cody and other NGOs and groups who have discriminated against me and hurt me say is LOTS OF PEOPLE HAVE TRIED TO HELP YOU JAYNE – YOU JUST DONT’ WANT IT.   This is not true and a police investigation would prove it, I have had several health professional that know I am not being given services I am entitled to and worked very hard when I did have some in 2009.  But of course National terrorists got in, installed John Judge and Paula Rebstock in ACC and I had all my care illegally removed, I have won two reviews to have it reinstated and am still refused on a weekly basis.  I can’t get a lawyer to make them and ACC not subject to HDC or anything.

One last thing is the comments I have had from people while protesting recently about how doctors and other health professionals in mental health (and police) have told them after a suicide attempt that they should do a better job next time.  Dr Cherry told me when I first became suicidal years ago, after being denied care following rape, that if I was going to suicide to make sure I did a good job because doctors didn’t like cleaning up the mess that often resulted when they failed.  I assured him at the time I would.

 

I made a complaint about this to Carterton Medical I was ignored.  Currently I have a contract I was forced to sign by CMC saying I am not allowed to say I am suicidal.  I was forced to sign it under duress as I had a skin cancer at the time and they would not treat me unless I did.  My previous doctor Dr had left and the one I was supposed to have had an appalling reputation in community.  I had to have a Carterton doctor because I was so broke I couldn’t leave town.  I made a complaint to the HDC and HDC advocate, CDC refused to discuss the issues or acknowledge I am actually terrified of Dr Hunefelt.  I tried to talk about my mental health once, I became extremely distressed, she changed the subject at the end of what I said – as though I hadn’t even spoken.

 

I live terrified as I have other health issues and have constant kidney infections I try and deal with myself because I can’t see her.  So much for Anna Cardno’s marketing about talking about suicide and getting help – doctors are worse than community – or maybe that’s what Libertarian Anna wanted, that community deals with suicidal people government create?

 

I wish I could tell you all more, but this is getting disjointed and I want to talk to people to their face – so they can see my pain and hear what I know say and do.  I am not mentally ill so I don’t know what is happening to me isn’t discrimination and a gross miscarriage of justice.  I am not mentally ill and delusional about being persecuted.  I am mentally injured by severe trauma and years of neglect and trauma on trauma being left to fend for myself in this cruel and bigoted community.

 

FACT – you all need to stop pretending its not happening – I know its difficult, hell it makes me suicidal knowing what is truly going on in this country.  Knowing rich elites purposely withhold services to disabled and poor in order to advance rich and business.  Its difficult but if people like those on the Board of DHB don’t do it then things are going to continue.  We are already more violent and kill my young through suicide than any other neo-liberal OECD country.  That is because we harm those who less fortunate more than another other country.  Our leaders have NO COMPASSION, NO EMPATHY AND KEEP THEMSELVES IGNORANT.

 

I truly believe the reason NZ has highest rate of bowel cancer in the world is we don’t deal with SHT – I know a lot about the brain and its power over behaviour and the physical body.

 

Kia kaha to us all

 

JR

CSA

 

 

 

 

 

Graffiti artist – REFUSE – New Zealand

Inspired by the Graffiti art exhibition in Tauranga and the BANKSY works I’ve been turning my poetry and words into pieces of visual art.  Chose the name ReFuse as my tag name, I like the multiple meanings.  Photos on my facebook page www.facebook.com/jrmurphypoetmusician and twitter @jrmurphypoetry

Today I’m off to Wellington for a bit of guerrilla activism and a cap I pimped with graffiti, going to leave it somewhere interesting, take photos and post tonight.