Was watching TV and saw the first adverts for latest Sunday programme on TVNZ which exposes police being used as mental health services, while they blocked me from their email & social media for BEGGING them to tell my story & protect me from persecution by police while I am denied mental health/ACC care. Earlier in the night I had been listening to the radio and adverts by Wairarapa National MP Alastair Scott saying how much he enjoyed hearing peoples issues and helping them while he refused to see me or help me with what is happening to me. Along with repeated adverts by Stopping Violence Services who have never replied to the desperate message I have left on their answerphone.
I had to write otherwise I will kill myself tonight – I couldn’t cry like I wanted to, had to hold back the wailing cry I want to do because I know I would never stop and this would also have meant I would kill myself. You never really get used to being suicidal due to neglect by your own government and being illegally denied the health care and justice you know you are entitled under multiple NZ laws.
As my research has uncovered the PTSD I initially had after the rape has turned to Compounding Complex PTSD due to ongoing trauma & neglect. CPTSD is extremely common in New Zealand but being misdiagnosed and covered up by govt & health professionals, as things like depression, personality disorder, bi-polar, attention seeking, lazy etc. It wouldn’t have got to this if I had received the care I was entitled to but left untreated and added to by ongoing trauma due to lack of safe stable housing and being left disabled and vulnerable in our revolting community has left me a shell of my former self.
Sunday hurt the most when they do stories on OTHER PEOPLE regarding mental health but NEVER ME, never what I know, the laws being violated, never the persecution I am suffering at hands of corrupt police, who will do anything to protect what the government and justice agencies are doing to all disabled mentally injured abuse/trauma victims and mentally ill. David Rutherford (Chief Human Rights Commissioner) was right in his comments on bullying that the people those being bullied go to for help and ignore you, cause more distress than the bullies themselves.
I begged Sunday for help, begged them, told them police were being used as mental health staff years ago – I was ignored, discredited and degraded for it. There was no way my case was important enough or of interest to New Zealand public, no way exposing the FACT that people with mental health issues were suffering a gross miscarriage of justice after neo-liberals shut down vast majority of mental health facilities – not that many of these places weren’t houses of horror and torture for many of their residents. I seldom watch the show because it triggers all the time I have begged them for help and been rejected.
Triggered by all the times I have begged politicians for help, including all Wairarapa MPs for past 15 years, all ACC ministers, all ministers of health, all prime ministers, any MP that ever made a comment on mental health, suicide or ACC – hundreds of them. All sent letters and emails telling them that people with mental health issues were being persecuted and denied PROFESSIONAL health care and everybody was turning a blind eye to the persecution of an entire sector of society.
When you have studied the violence trauma and neglect industry you realise them psychologically torturing and rejecting you to save money, is done because of a bizarre neo-liberal cult-like belief that you should advance rich, disadvantage middle class and persecute those weak people in society if they can’t work or need help to work.
I cry and feel a waterfall of tears right behind my eyes, I get that often now, even when walking through town to get some exercise because I have been so unwell, become ‘frozen’ with trauma, havn’t thrown up enough (I am recognised as having bulimia but nothing is ever done about it, no matter how much I beg for help) and have put on a huge amount of weight that makes me feel BAD – really really BAD in so many ways. In 2009 when I had some care, that was illegally taken by National government John Judge and Paula Rebstock, I had a gym membership with some amazing support from the instructors, co-ordinated by my very professional Occupational Therapist Glenda.
I was supposed to get this reinstated but ACC continue to refuse 7 years down the track. I can’t think about how suicidal and dysfunctional I was after they dumped me, the 46 day hungerstrike and the lawyer who let me down so badly, took ACC to yet another review, which I won AND STILL I GOT ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. This continual telling me I would get services then not providing them is why my mental health deteriorated and I now ‘go tourettes’ when badly triggered.
Thankfully I can keep the violence towards others under control with a lot of prayer and understanding of my disorder – I am sure soon the suicidal hell I suffer so often will take me. Why would I want to stay upon this earth if I can’t work and have to live in terror of homelessness, abusive flatmates and a cruel majority of my community in power who are unprepared to listen to what I know, say and experience. Yes I have a lot of supporters but what can they do, they can’t get me a house, they can’t force ACC or mental health to provide me professional health care. I don’t burden those I love or I they would be traumatised to and I’m not going to allow this to be passed to the next generation – like so many do out of ignorance and severe dysfunction.
From what I can see in the advertisement for Trouble in Mind they are going to get again cover up that under human rights and bill of rights laws our government is discriminating against and persecuting mentally injured and ill people. As I said in my Suicide Prevention Strategy it is a neo-liberal obsession that professional treatment and rehabilitation models are kept out of mental health services so they can create as many jobs as possible from HUMAN SEWAGE like me.
I cry because I know this is done on purpose, because neo-liberal terrorists are doing it in other countries and just like other countries our corporate media – who make a lot of money out of social dysfunction – are not telling the entire story and not pointing out the gross miscarriage of justice going on here.
When I think of all the times I have begged for help with what I know – that I set up this website and all my social media for - have dedicated my life to – how many men women and children have suffered, killed themselves, become violent or addicts because of these corrupt, criminally negligent, seriously disturbed people in government who prefer to spend taxes on cuts to top tax rates, MASSIVE govt debt interest repayments, building refurbishments, Saudi farms, charity to other countries, etc Nope getting distraught can’t keep telling this story, too many traumas come into my head and the suicidal hell becomes overwhelming.
Its late, I’m exhausted I’ll post this and maybe finish it later if I can – I hope and pray journalists at Sunday see it and contact me to tell my story, that they will ask why I am up on 7 criminal charges for screaming for help from ACC and using non-violent forms of protest to express my disgust and distress.
All those people they purposely killed, all those families they destroyed with their neo-liberal hatred, their corruption and violations of so many laws and everybody who was supposed to protect us sat back and condoned or participate in it. Because they were told if government persecuted an entire sector of society that was OK – THAT IS NOT OK.
This is what happens when those with money and unbridled power go completely mad.