I’m not sure what dissociation means – I’ve read about it with regard to mentally injured abuse victims but didn’t fully understand it – I think I’m starting to. Everything is like walking around in a movie, like nothing is real, nothing interests me, I know in my heart everything I try to do will fail – as it always fails. Yet everywhere I look there are media and people saying how we live in Paradise and today Theresa Gattung (used to be CEO of Telecom on $millions) was saying how easy it is to be a successful woman in New Zealand.
Perhaps its the pre-Christmas thing, everybody happy or pretending to be happy, when most are stressing out, drinking more, eating more, spending more, to try and feel happy – but mostly people are more angry, frustrated and despondent.
Today the Police Complaints Authority person who handling my current assault case phoned me after a distraught email begging to get this shit with group of police HATERS in Wairarapa sorted. She was really nice – I hate it when people nice, it makes me cry. My friend K said the same thing today – she’s just been told she has to leave her house and is freaking out, along with all the other shit she is going through. I saw her outside a local café, drinking water, she was on the verge of tears. Poor K I can’t help her either, I’ve now got so many issues with moving, HER BEING FORCED TO MOVE freaked me out as it brings up all the traumatic moves I have been forced to make since I was raped in 2002.
Anyway the IPCA woman was really nice and yes I became really upset, kept saying I didn’t want the officer/s to get into trouble I just wanted to know why they said those revolting things to me and why they thought victimising me for being unwell, not getting care I am entitled to and fighting through my protesting was OK – WHEN IT DEFINITELY IS NOT! I HAVE ENOUGH TO WORRY ABOUT WITHOUT POLICE GIVING ME SHIT!
I had sent a couple of emails to Inspector Howard but she sent a shitty email saying it was up to the IPCA. Bloody hell, I don’t want the police assault bought up at the trial for 7 charges of screaming at ACC to have my care reinstated and protesting because I couldn’t get a lawyer to make them – and have tried EVERY complaints process there is in this shit hole – none of them work.
The idea of brining up an assault at a Bill of Rights trial makes me feel like I’m back on trial for rape – and we all know how that turned out, rapist was found not guilty even when he admitted it. I kept telling her I needed this stress with police off my plate as it was making my disability/stress disorder much worse. I wanted this matter dealt with before the trial so I didn’t have to face the officer – I picture it in my head the state I will be in and it will not be pretty. One of those situations where I will have to self-harm to cope, oh how my mental health has deteriorated due to the unprofessional, often abusive care I have been subjected to by ACC, mental health, NGOs and police.
I know I’m waffling – I’m tired but I can’t sleep, needed to get this shit out – my heart hurts. I still can’t believe I am being subjected to all of this just for wanting and needing the professional treatment care and rehabilitation ACC law says I am entitled to. Also health, disability, criminal, imperial, human rights and bill of rights say I am entitled to. So many people in New Zealand don’t even know what they should be getting and our corrupt government have manipulated the situation and dumped mental health care onto WELFARE agencies – WTF? There is something very corrupt going on and it relates to getting abuse victims professional health care they entitled to – but the government and particularly ACC do not want to pay.
I don’t understand though because care of abuse victims that are children or on welfare doesn’t come from levies, it comes from the Consolidated Fund. Of course those sicko money men doing $billions worth of investments want to make sure they have lots of money to play with – they don’t care where it came from.
I’ve also been sickened by an #attitude award ceremony I saw was on this week, which was marketed over social media as being about how great disabled people were. WTF.,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,