HDC got this poem & called police to bully me into shutting up! ODE TO THE COMMISSION



I want to eat and vomit
Fill the gaping hole then spew
Created by those nameless people
Who get paid to reject you


I want to slit my throat
Watch the blood seep from within
Put a gun in my mouth
Shoot myself in front of them

Beat myself about the head
To stop this suicidal hell
That fills my head when I’m refused
The care and justice of what they tell

Walk in front of a city bus
Feel the impact of the steel
End this life, this hell on earth
Be driven over by the wheels

Because they are cold and heartless
For you they do not care
They just smile or show no emotion
Then quickly get you out of there

They threaten you the police will come
Strip you of clothes and dignity
Will punish you for seeking justice
Take away your liberty

If someone raped their children
Sodomised them and then
Perhaps they would fight for the truth and justice
Of what I tell them


I wrote this sitting on Featherston Street after being to HDC and receiving the flowers, I was so suicidal I wanted to walk in front of a bus but sat down on a bench near the road instead.  I couldn’t move I was so scared, all my body wanted to do was end it and walk in front of the buses flying past behind me.  The rejection was so overwhelming – made all the more traumatising for me because the man who raped me was found not guilty.  I got out my visual diary and wrote this poem.  Once it was written I was able to move and head back to the railway station and home (I had caught the train from the Wairarapa that day).  It took me weeks to recover and is still one of the worst suicidal episodes.

I emailed the Health and Disability Commission a copy of my poems when I got home and they called the police on me, they have done it several times.  They won’t get me the health care I am entitled to but they will call the police because they are concerned for my welfare – WTF.  Corrupt.  I wonder if I did a bit of digging into Mr Hills background if we would find any link to Fletchers, multi-national drug companies or right-wing political agendas.



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