Monthly Archives: March 2014

I’m Not Human Sewage – a prophetic re-write

Am crying, look what just happened with my song Human Sewage, hopefully more prophetic words, my fight for justice for myself and other people finally near its end and I can get on with my life.

I’M NOT HUMAN SEWAGE

I’m not human sewage the DHB decided so
Hope Mark said we must do something
Not pretend we do not know

I’m not human sewage ACC decided so
Judith Collins said lets do something
To stop this torture show

 I’m not human sewage, the Commissioners decided so
The Ombudsman said do something
We do wanna know what you know

I’m not human sewage the government decided so
Cunliffe Key said we can do something
To stop this hypocrite show

I’m not human sewage my MP decided so
Trevor Mallard said I can do something
Yes, I do wanna know

I’m not human sewage mental health decided so
No more ignorant bigots
Running some suicide show

Turning people to human sewage
Who were bullied abused just so
Now witness to the truth they’re telling
Showing they care and I know

We’re no longer human sewage
Many people decided so
When they all stood up and said something
Which is why I’m here on show, singing

We don’t have human sewage
Rotting out there just so
By-product of stock-traders
Neo-liberals had to go

Aye aye aye aye aye
Aye aye aye aye aye
Aye aye aye aye aye
Aye aye aye aye aye

 

The Kiwi Madonna

I saw the Kiwi Madonna
Ch
alking beside Wellington Harbour
She wore blue jeans
Her legs and hair were long
Her breath smelled of baking and Chanui
When she broke the rules big fish trembled
When she sung people shook
When she laughed everybody relaxed


 The Kiwi Madonna walked along the 1840s foreshore
And picked out her twelve disciples
One cleaned toilets at Parliament
Her hands scrubbed red for $14 an hour and a lifetime of debt
One was a sexually abused parent treated as worthless and bullied
One was a battered housewife they forced to take medication
Who then tried to hang herself in the garage
Another was a sad socialist
Trapped in the wreckage of his disabled body
Yes, and there were several more 

One was an ethical bishop
Going slowly mad in an affluent parish

The Kiwi Madonna said “Fellow man
From now on the sun will shine.”

She did no miracles
She played guitar sitting under Seddon

The first day she was arrested
For saying she had inadequate means of support
The second day she was assaulted by the cops
For telling ACC staff their house was not in order
The third day she was charged with being a wilful Kiwi
Stripped naked and locked in the cells
The fourth day they threatened to commit her
For telling the CATT team they were lying abusive mother fuckers
And could stick their medication where the sun don’t shine
The fifth day lasted 12 years
While she rotted in her Wairarapa asylum
Never out of the shit

The sixth day she told the forensic psychiatrist
I am a light in the darklands
I am who I am
The seventh day she was heard
The brain of God respected not medicated
On the eighth day the sun did rise
And it rose the day after that
God’s servant was alive not dead
Rescued from the darklands of New Zealand
Mountainous, mile-deep, civilized darklands
Found in this country from then until now

The end of ignorance
No more poverty, no more degradation, no more neglect
Nor gross inequality, gross injustice, disrespect

End

Vindicated by psychiatric report, proof of harm caused by ACC etc

Have read the assessment by psychiatrist and it vindicates everything I have said.  Now I have just got to get this report in front of the right people.  He says I have been significantly damaged by what ACC and mental health have done to me – and they are not getting away with it.

Police refused to accept my complaint yesterday so I am writing to Peter Marshall and asking him.  Officer reakoned it was only a criminal act when it was physical abuse – that isn’t what the report says.  He kept telling me it was a civil complaint – BULLSHIT, people are being harmed, that makes it criminal.

So can leave the ending I first wrote for The Kiwi Madonna poem and see how this all pans out.

At the moment WINZ, doctor and mental health services pretty keen to get me off their backs I reakon.  But all that care was supposed to be through mental health services/WINZ and because Justin Barry-Walsh has said my dysfunction is related to the rape then it is definitely ACC – therefore I am not entitled to any funding.

I’ll take whatever they offer me of course I don’t give a shit who funds it.

 

FORCED TO LIE ON WINZ FORM TO GET HEALTH CARE – email to Paula Bennett

I have never lied on a WINZ form in my life however yesterday when I was at WINZ with my new counsellor in order to get any financial help with accessing health care I was forced to lie and tick the box that said my health issues were NOT covered by an ACC claim and yet as you know they are.Also can you explain why ACC have refused to reinstate my care from 2009 and yet WINZ are now offering me something almost equivalent?  Why are the New Zealand government refusing to provide the services I am entitled to under ACC law and yet now offering these services under WINZ/welfare.  Of course these new services won’t follow any health or rehabilitation model, just like ACC.

The PATHS nurse also told me to give up fighting ACC for care as it was a waste of time and energy and to just concentrate on getting back to work? What the hell is going on here?

This week my dysfunctional behaviour due to my stress disorder was the worst it has ever been.  Over 12 years (and particularly the past four years since ACC illegally dumped me) my mental health has deteriorated due to the appauling unprofessional care I have received/not received.  Now it is as bad as it is you have decided to help me and I don’t understand why you felt the need to degrade and psychologically torture me for this long, then turn around and tell me you are doing me some sort of favour.

I am now going to be getting $300 a week due to all the health services I am supposed to be accessing.  An extra $20 a week of course isn’t going to cover getting me to a mental health support services every day as it is $7 a day just to bus to Lower Hutt from Wainuiomata.  Assuming I am never going to be able to register my car ever again.

This week I received money on Tuesday instead of Wednesday from WINZ, I didn’t know this money was coming and when I checked my account to see if I could buy a loaf of bread there was money in there and I thought it was money from a court ordered compensation.  You know, from my daughter’s ex-boyfriend that I was forced to take in due to poverty – who became abusive, smashed up our house and tried to hang himself in our garage.

The same day I discovered my good friend (and one of my only friends) Ricky had suffered a stroke and was in hospital.  I stupidly used some of the money to put petrol in my car so I could visit him, I also visited my two kids in Wellington, which I have been unable to do I have been so poor.  Please explain why I can get money from WINZ to attend health services but I am unable to get enough money in my benefit to get support from my own friends and family?

Family….. not that I would EVER visit my family…. my family have told me I am a bludger who should just get over it.  I will never have a relationship with them until I am off welfare and have a job – that is how bad the government have made it for people who develop stress disorders.  Families split apart by the refusal of the NZ government to provide professional health services to abused people therefore leaving them rotting on welfare.  You people are sick.

I havn’t seen all of the latest report from the forensic psychiatrist but the last paragraph the lawyer showed me made a complete mockery of the violent behaviour aspects of my stress disorder and how years of degradation, neglect and psychological abuse by mental health and ACC had created huge phobias/overwhelming fear of mental health services/providers.

Still I am forced to get the support I need to interact with those people I have been treated so badly by through the courts – mental health services refuse to provide it – even though these services/supports are supposed to be provided under Human Rights and Health and Disability laws.

Why are the government manipulating health care like this – I don’t understand?  Why have you stopped me from getting the treatment care and rehabilitation I am entitled to under ACC law for 12 years as my mental health has continued to deteriorate yet now want me to feel grateful that I am receiving similar care under welfare?  You people are sick, putting health care under welfare – making it charity instead of professional health care that any person in this country would expect if suffering a serious injury and developing a life-threatening disorder.

We both know that the NGO system of delivering mental health services doesn’t work and creates violence, suicide and social problems – I saw the KPMG report!  I heard the man tell us in the UK this method of service delivery was dumped 15 years ago and his distress at the fact New Zealand continues to use it knowing how damaging it is to society?

I also know enough about psychology, my specific disorder and what I am entitled to under ACC, health, disability, human rights and bill of rights laws to know what the forensic psychiatrist said about me getting over it and accessing public mental health services is unprofessional deceitful rubbish.  Yet another mental health professional getting paid a HUGE amount of money screws me over to protect an abusive, unprofessional, discriminatory mental health system.

The reason of course mental health services are now so completely corrupt is the influence of 30 years of neo-liberal political theories being treated as if they are scientific fact.  This is how the New Zealand government managed to dump the majority of people out of mental health facilities since the 1980s and ended up with the many of these people in filling our jails, homeless on the streets.

It is like the life I have lived for the past 12 years and people I have spoken to about how bad mental health services are in my bid to get justice are just a big lie to you people.  I know what is going on here, I know I have been refused professional health care for years, I know there is something really corrupt going on in the area of mental health and welfare with abused and mentally ill people at the heart of it.

Again I am going to try and get a lawyer to get this gross miscarriage of justice addressed and get compensation for the years of pain and suffering you have put me through.   You people are sick and you will be exposed for what you have done to thousands of people in this hell hole country.

Also don’t think for one minute because you are providing services that I am going to stop protesting, getting arrested and highlighting the corruption abuse and gross negligence in mental health services.  I don’t understand you people, why do this to people, why not just get abused and mentally ill people the professional treatment care and rehabilitation they are entitled to under the law.  What you are currently doing is hurting and killing people, please explain what possible reason you would have?

I have my own theories about why you treat people so badly, but it is most interesting when discussing the abuse and health issues on twitter with ignorant bigoted rich right-wing bigots how they immediately call you insane when you disagree with them and tell you to ‘get help’.  Extreme right-wing people who of course believe that everybody should help themselves and the government should only be involved in supporting trade, sport and big business, not bludgers who need health care and welfare (those who could have a job tomorrow if they just weren’t so lazy, irrelevant of unemployment created by free-trade or any health issues).

I know what people are entitled to under law, I know stress disorders, I know people are not getting what they are legally entitled to and I fight for that because the current system is now so corrupt and abusive it is causing the unnecessary suffering and suicide of thousands of people.  The government obsession with the road toll is one example of the disturbing focus on a particular health issue that has really been dealt with as much as humanly possible – yet still we are continually bombarded with propaganda/marketing that tries to stop EVERY CAR ACCIDENT.  The road toll has been significantly reduced while the suicide toll continues to rise – when are the government going to start spending money on this issue?

I realise that many of you are ‘Christians’ (it makes me sick to my stomach to think what hypocrites you are) and I know Christians HATE and despise anybody who commits suicide as they are a sinner.  I can assure you people who commit suicide when the state of welfare, unemployment, bigotry against poor/disabled and health care is so bad/unprofessional are not sinners.  To be pushed to the point of suicide by society is no sin and I admire every person who commits suicide because I know what they have gone through and understand their overwhelming pain and disappointment in those around them.

A wealthy international businessman (who’s toilet I cleaned for a while) told me once that the trait New Zealanders are known for internationally is ‘lying to cover up their mistakes’ – interesting don’t you think.  Neo-liberalism, free trade, deregulation, cuts to welfare, ‘acceptable’ levels of unemployment, etc have been a miserable failure in this country for half of the population and still we continue to run our country in this way.  WHY?

I look forward to hearing from you and being told by WINZ that because my disorder is covered under ACC that all the support and health care I was offered yesterday will no longer be available and that I must go back to ACC and negotiate any care with them.  As you know I am still waiting for reinstatement of my entitlements from 2009 – entitlements that were based on providing treatment care and rehabilitation to a professional and recognised standard.  As you know I can’t get a lawyer to force ACC to do this, as you know there is no judicial enforcement of ACC disputes tribunal decisions and ACC are responsible for this – a violation of the principles of natural justice that is exploited by the government – you sickos.

JR
PERSECUTED WHISTLEBLOWER
WORTHLESS HUMAN SEWAGE LIVING IN THE DARKLANDS OF NZ

This email was also sent to David Cunliffe, Judith Collins and every other political party

HDC got this poem & called police to bully me into shutting up! ODE TO THE COMMISSION

 

ODE TO THE COMMISSION

I want to eat and vomit
Fill the gaping hole then spew
Created by those nameless people
Who get paid to reject you

 

I want to slit my throat
Watch the blood seep from within
Put a gun in my mouth
Shoot myself in front of them

Beat myself about the head
To stop this suicidal hell
That fills my head when I’m refused
The care and justice of what they tell

Walk in front of a city bus
Feel the impact of the steel
End this life, this hell on earth
Be driven over by the wheels

Because they are cold and heartless
For you they do not care
They just smile or show no emotion
Then quickly get you out of there

They threaten you the police will come
Strip you of clothes and dignity
Will punish you for seeking justice
Take away your liberty

If someone raped their children
Sodomised them and then
Perhaps they would fight for the truth and justice
Of what I tell them

End

I wrote this sitting on Featherston Street after being to HDC and receiving the flowers, I was so suicidal I wanted to walk in front of a bus but sat down on a bench near the road instead.  I couldn’t move I was so scared, all my body wanted to do was end it and walk in front of the buses flying past behind me.  The rejection was so overwhelming – made all the more traumatising for me because the man who raped me was found not guilty.  I got out my visual diary and wrote this poem.  Once it was written I was able to move and head back to the railway station and home (I had caught the train from the Wairarapa that day).  It took me weeks to recover and is still one of the worst suicidal episodes.

I emailed the Health and Disability Commission a copy of my poems when I got home and they called the police on me, they have done it several times.  They won’t get me the health care I am entitled to but they will call the police because they are concerned for my welfare – WTF.  Corrupt.  I wonder if I did a bit of digging into Mr Hills background if we would find any link to Fletchers, multi-national drug companies or right-wing political agendas.

 

 

NZ Health & Disability Commission naive, ignorant & corrupt – HDC THREW ME IN A BIN

HDC THREW ME IN A BIN

A stranger gave me flowers
As I sat crying on the floor
In the foyer of a building
Where I’d been shown the door

Been told to leave or else
The police they would be called
Been told in all complaints
There was no point at all

The brochures they produce
The Code of Claimants Rights
Did not apply to those abused
To me who knows to fight

They stood before me cold
No humanity did I see
Refused to tell me details
Said blame the process don’t blame me

I told them you havn’t heard
I must have explained it wrong
When will I get the opportunity
To speak, get justice, how long

A stranger gave me flowers
But no beauty do I see
I just see a token gesture
An extravagant waste of money

No matter how beautiful our country
If the laws they are ignored
If Commissions treat people with such disdain
Then everything is flawed

 A stranger gave me flowers
And I threw them in a bin –
Just like HDC threw me in a bin
 

I wrote part of this sitting in Wellington Railway Station.  I have chalked this poem outside the Health and Disability Commission a few times.  Check out my youtube video of being trespassed from their office – what cowards.  I am currently blocked from emailing them and phoning them, I have had numerous complaints refused, I have an advocate who fully supports me and can’t get me care but the Commission refuse to listen to her recommendations.  Corrupt!

Commissioner Michael Hill doesn’t know what is causing the huge increase in complaints about mental health professionals – I do – the people I complain about continue to abuse and harm the most vulnerable people in our communities.  Also I would suggest the 25% increase in complaints about doctors is to do with Paula Bennett and the national party bigots meeting with doctors and the medical council about getting people with long-term disability back to work – whether they are in pain or disabled or not.

These health services were given to us by far better men than those who currently run our country and I will fight with everything I have to ensure a cruel immoral neo-liberal political bigot doesn’t take them off me.  If neo-liberals don’t want abused people to get professional health care they are entitled to then they must change the law – abusing current loopholes in the law is disgusting.

 

Comment about John Duncan Forensic Mental Health being a nice guy

I am sure he is for the person who wrote to me, but does that mean he is going to be good to everybody.  He didn’t listen to a thing I said.  This person getting help from John Duncan is also a man, women get treated very differently – I am a lot more hostile defensive and frightened of men – FOR GOOD REASON!

Our society has always persecuted the weakest and discredited intelligent and emotional women.

I have been abused by other mental health consumers when I have criticised servces because I wasn’t getting any and neither were a lot of suicidal and extremely dsyfunctional people I knew.

John Duncan was unprofessional and lied to the judge, he obviously has issues and does not know the law – that is not my fault and I will not stop fighting anybody in my way to get professional care and support services for abused, disabled and mentally ill people.

 

JR

THE KIWI MADONNA

I saw the Kiwi Madonna
Walking beside Wellington Harbour
She wore blue jeans
Her legs and hair were long
Her breath smelled of Mcdonalds and coffee
When she broke rules the big fishes trembled
When she sung people shook
When she laughed everybody relaxed

The Kiwi Madonna walked along the shore
And picked out her twelve disciples
One cleaned toilets at parliament
Her hands scrubbed red for less than $15 an hour and a lifetime of debt
One was a disabled soloparent who felt worthless and bullied
One was a battered housewife they forced to take medication
Who then tried to hang herself in the garage
Another was a one legged man
Fighting for cannabis reform
Yes, and there were several others

One was an ethical priest
Going slowly mad in a rich city parish

The Kiwi Madonna said, ‘Fellow man,
From now on the sun will shine’

She did no miracles
She played the guitar sitting under Seddon

The first day she was arrested
For having inadequate means of support
The second day she was assaulted by the cops
For telling ACC staff their house was not in order
The third day she was charged with being a wilful kiwi
Stripped naked & locked in the cells
The fourth day they threatened to commit her
For telling the CATT team they were lying abusive mother fuckers
And could stick their medication where the sun don’t shine
The fifth day lasted 12 years
While she rotted in her Wairarapa asylum
Never out of the shit

The sixth day she told the forensic psychiatrist
I am a light in the darklands
I am who I am
The seventh day she was heard
The brain of God respected not medicated
On the eighth day the sun did rise
And it rose the day after that
God’s servant was alive not dead
Rescued from the darklands of New Zealand
Mountainous, mile-deep, civilised darklands
Found in this country from the 80’s until now

The end of neo-liberalism
No more poverty, no more degradation, no more neglect
Nor gross inequality, gross injustice, disrespect

End

Never written a prophetic poem before – hope with all my heart that the last couple of verses come true.