Monthly Archives: January 2014

Awesome few days of protests, arrest, chalking, new doctor

Went to see my new doctor Dr Patterson with support from advocate Sue at Oasis Network in Lower Hutt.  Went well, focused on lesion on my head and changed lump on my stomach, only ticked a little bit, wrote about my mental health issues on the enrolment form but told him I couldn’t talk about it that day, until I got to know him better.

Afterwards went up to the Oasis offices in Lower Hutt, was in same building my daughter had her braces done.  I remembered the sign and thought how they would probably be like the social agencies in the Wairarapa, nice until they didn’t approve then they would attack you & ostracize you.  So far so good, they seem nice.  Got talking with someone there and found out we had birthdays on same day – Spirit sending me a sign that this place is OK and I’m on the right track.

Dr organised to have lesion cut out and a biopsy taken Friday (he did it) & ultrasound for lump.  Which I have since organised.  I tried to have this done months ago but was so traumatised by Wainuiomata Health Centre I couldn’t open their mail or see their doctors.

After Oasis I headed for Wellington to Ministry of Health, met up with Ricky and had a catch up beforehand (cuppa tea & a wine biscuit), had forgotten my fake blood so went found some more.  Sorted out what we were going to do in quite a bit of detail before we went in (a good tip for any activist).  Went in, set up camera in a position where it was able to identify where you were, I intended to ask to see John Crawshaw (Director of mental health) so in front of reception desk.  Ricky guarded camera in case someone wanted to turn it off.

I held up my sign and started telling people why I was protesting (I’ll post video on Youtube when I can), I started singing loudly and was asked to leave repeatedly.  Told them no way, I knew I was trespassed, they threatened me with getting the police which I laughed at and said I didn’t care about the police.

The police were great, my repeatedly complaints when they piss me off are finally getting somewhere.  First officer tried to negotiate me to leave, but no way I was doing that, still continued to give the people around me a hard time.  He tried to get Ricky to turn off video but he refused – good on him, its hard to stand up to police like that.  The video is essential to my political protests and is there to record the event, nothing more – the cop didn’t like it though, but didn’t push it.

Then three other cops arrived (all men, have asked that a woman be with them next time), I was asked if I knew I was trespassed, which of course I did.  The officer took my statement as to why I was there:  My three reasons were – I thought John Crawshaw worked in this building and two years ago he phoned me at home and promised to get me health services and I was still waiting; I was upset and angry about the murder/suicide in Dunedin and the links I believed there were to appauling mental health services; and finally I was going to court on 29 January for wilful trespass of the Law Society, I had also been charged with wilful trespass of ACC before Xmas and now I was being trespassed from the third organisation I considered responsible for the situation I was in.

Didn’t have to have handcuffs (thank God) that was my biggest fear about this protest.  And there was no mention of getting mental health services involved at all.  Lots of new questions about your mental health – bet you the murder/suicide in Dunedin prompted that.  Of course I answer no to most of it because I can’t get any services from mental health – oh the irony.  Also answer no to medication or ever having been on psych medication.  Always tell them I have a stress disorder, but they all know that now and its pretty obvious because I do tick and click my fingers randomly.

They didn’t have a car, so I got a ride in back of the Paddy Wagon, felt real special, wish I had a permanent marker to leave a poem.  Freaked out a bit to start because had a bad experience when taken to court the time I spent night in the cells, I was put in a small metal box – not good for an abuse victim with a stress disorder.  This time i was a big metal box, so not so bad, who cares so long as I wasn’t handcuffed – they hurt.

They processed me really quickly, didn’t have to go into a cell, my court appearance was put out to the 29 January to coincide with the two other charges.  They were really nice, respectful, I even saw Sgt McLean who said hello and was concerned with my welfare – pretty sure he was genuine.  Bet you I never get an apology for what he did out of him though – policeman hate apologising.

Only took 45 minutes, got out, met back up with Ricky for a cuppa and a wine biscuit, debriefed about how it went.  He reakons he is going to get arrested too next time – good on him.  He knows how bad the mental health system is and how abusive staff and processes are, how they are trying to make people responsible for themselves who are vulnerable, taken advantage of and suffering.  As I have said before this is a cruel immoral neo-liberal political theory of the right-wing that has no basis in medical or scientific fact and is a gross miscarriage of justice.

Friday I went back over to Wellington to have lesion cut out, which is all sorted, talked a bit more about my mental health with doctor, only because I was ticking a lot, just a bit of the story, but said I didn’t want to say to much until I knew him better.  Met the receptionist that had organised the quick appointment (irrelevant of having my notes or not which Wainui & Petone refused to do), I cried and thanked her.  She couldn’t really understand why I was so grateful and emotional – but she doesn’t know how I have been treated by some people and how desperate I was to see a doctor.

Oh yeah, also got a call from the Law Society about my complaint about lawyer Michael Hall, who I have sacked – another lawyer bites the dust.  You can’t have a lawyer that calls you a liar when you aren’t.  Asked him to phone back Monday as I was in Wellington, so that will be interesting.  I only made the complaint 4am that morning.

Will have to represent myself at court on 29th, get case postponed one more time to try and access mental health services and if I can’t I’ll represent myself.  Tell judge it is not so urgent now I have been able to access a GP through a Lower Hutt support agency.  Also will have to have my bail address changed.

So busy few days, interesting few days, satisfying few days, Idle No More few days, changing the world few days.

Most impressed with the change in attitude of the police, hopefully can put all the shit with them behind me and get on with it without fear of being committed or stripped naked.  Does make protesting a little more scary when you think that could happen at any time.

Of course the police should be on my side, they are supposed to uphold the law.  One day they will take my complaint of harm against ACC and mental health seriously – one day.

Still find it surreal that this is my life at 49, but what else can I do, there is no way any decent person wouldn’t know what I know and not try to right this terrible wrong against abused people, stress disordered people and mentally ill people.

Also went chalking with Ricky around the Supreme Court and Parliament, plus Kate Shepherd Apartments where some revolting politicians live.  Some Ben Franklin, Voltare, me, etc.  Having trouble uploading photos from my new phone (operator trouble) so will get them posted soon as I can.  Also have to process half hour of video, am sure I’ll be able to get some good stuff.

Now we just need another 100 people doing what I am doing and the government and media wouldn’t be able to ignore it.

We chalked the election issues Ricky & I decided were important – like Inequality, appauling mental health services, unemployment, housing crisis, the environment.  Lots of people stopping to read quotes & comments.  Good to let the politicians know I will be continuing to protest as I have for years.

Went and sung, recited a couple of poems at Parliament, under Seddon statue, lots of people having lunch on the grounds but just not the buzz for me because Parliament isn’t in session.  But from all accounts MPs are back in Parliament because it is election year – God help us.  We are going to be bombarded with bullshit – (now that sounds like the title of a poem or song 🙂

Anyway gotta get packing, thanks to WINZ I am going to be able to get movers (which I have to pay back of course) nobody wants to move me as they have done it so often – not my fault – housing crisis for the poor in New Zealand.

Should be an interesting week next week.

 

The tragedy about murder/suicide is appauling state of mental health services the cause

Outside Supreme Court Wellington NZ

Outside Supreme Court Wellington NZ

I am as angry as hell about the tragic murder of two innocent children by an obviously very disturbed and dangerous man.  Everybody’s blaming the police and the courts but why the fuck aren’t mental health services being held to account, what about the Counsellor – who gave him the medications, was it a GP or a psychiatrist?

The police must have got mental health in to assess the man when he was arrested – surely?  This man was seriously ill, our mental health services are appauling, I know it and so do dozens of people I speak to when protesting.  Of course the ‘official’ line would be that there are services and they cost millions of dollars.  What they don’t tell you is what is there is woefully inadequate and inappropriate.  That they have shut down 80% of mental health inpatient facilities and there is nowhere for violently disturbed people to go for treatment, safety and rehabilitation.

Going to make a sign to take with me to my protest at the Ministry of Health on Wednesday highlight the issue of appauling mental health services and abusive experimental dangerous psych medications being used.  Got Ricky coming to video the protest, going to demand to see John Crawshaw, the politically appointed Director of Mental Health, I’m going to give him shit about how badly I have been treated and how responsible he is for those three deaths in Dunedin.

Will be arrested as already trespassed from the MOH last year, was worth it, and probably justified I was so angry that day and giving people going in and out of the building a real hard time – verbally.  The people in these offices refuse to take responsibility for what is happening in the ‘real world’.  Though during a couple of previous protests at the MOH (been there 4-5 times over past two years) I have had staff open windows and call out support for what I was saying – so there are people in the system pissed off as well.

That will make my third wilful trespass charge, which I will have deferred to the 29 January when the judge here’s the other charges regarding Law Society and ACC.  I intend to use the same defence on all three charges, that of freedom of expression and introduce Bill of Rights laws in my defence.  Don’t care either way if I get convicted, this is a political protest to highlight the appauling state of mental health services for abused people like myself and mentally ill people.  I would be proud to have these convictions in light of what I am trying to do.  Of course I will ignore any punishments if convicted, I refuse to be punished for doing something I know is morally and legally right.

The news item by Rob Stock about an ACC report in 2009 of the influence the incoming National right-wing government had over ACC providing services.  I was a victim of that, I had 12 hrs a week treatment support and rehab, five health providers, six months into a 2 1/2 year rehab plan and it was axed.  I almost committed suicide the psychological impact of unexpectedly losing that much care had – it continues to impact on my life severely as I am unable to access ACC services because I am now so petrified of assessment and their ‘health professionals’ I can’t see them without security services.  Services they refuse to provide and that I am fighting in court and through my HDC advocate to get.  This issue has delayed my court case by months, further traumatising me.

I am also living on welfare and have been for years.  My youngest daughter is leaving home, my boarder as been a disaster and I am forced to move to Wellington.  I am extremely stressed about it as I have had several bad experiences moving.  Was devastated about having to leave the country and move back to the city, leave my vege garden, friends, countryside, bush, more peaceful life.  Have come to terms with it now and know it is the right thing, moving in with a disabled friend on a similar path to mine.  As a team we will be formidable.  Plus closer to Wellington and more opportunity to join support and activist groups, poetry and arts groups, access health services (which have all be closed to me in the Wairarapa – bastards) and more.  STILL PETRIFIED!

It is election year and the reports from the Owen Glenn Inquiry and Parliamentary Inquiry into the funding of sexual abuse care, plus the performance audit of ACC and WINZ with regard to vulnerable and disabled people will all be coming out.

Will also be able to attend the free lectures by the Inst of Public Policy at Victoria and maybe get a bit more involved.  Might work out what other Uni lectures I could sit in on 🙂 see if I can get some free education.  Know I can have access to the library, just not take books out.

There is no way I am going to let nothing come of all this, I have listened to people bullshit for years and things get worse not better.  Ggrrrrrrrrrr

 

 

Paula Bennett & David Rutherford are you listening?

These two people have started following me on social media after giving them hell about the situation me and thousands of other abused and mentally ill people are in.

This is what I want them to know.  I have educated myself, I have studied the abuse and mental health industries, I have more pieces of the puzzle than the majority of people I interact with.  I know I am a lay-expert after attending the 10th Bi-annual Conference on Child Abuse in Wgtn.  During workshops that were attending by psychiatrists, social workers, psychologists, social agencies etc I knew what these people were talking about.  I asked pertinent questions and I was horrified to find these people knew about the appauling mental health services and lack of support.

After I was hurt I read anything I could about what was happening to me, I educated myself about stress disorders, I worked out why the care I was entitled to under the ACC, health, disability, human rights and bill of rights laws  was not happening.  I have spent 12 years of my life trying to get the care I know I am entitled to by law – that the authorities have been successful in denying me that care is corruption as far as I am concerned.  I am entitled by law to these services in a manner that I decide – for me that is the Whare Tapa Wha Model of Health Care, the Fence At The Top Of The Cliff rehabilitation model, something that accommodates my spiritual beliefs and everything that the ACC law promises me (especially social rehabilitation).  These are my services, given to me by past generations of kind, loving and generous people.  By withholding the money for them for immoral political neo-liberal reasons is grossly negligent and criminal.

I attended several free lectures etc by Victoria University, of particular relevance was the Crime and Fiscal Responsibility Symposium a few years ago.  We were told then the NGO system of mental health care did not work and what they found in UK the NGOs were mostly providing to the 60% least in need of care and abusing or ignoring the worst 40%.  This is happening in New Zealand, these NGOs are not doing what they should be, money is being wasted.

The issue of pharmaceuticals in mental health needs to be urgently addressed.  You cannot replace human interaction with drugs – although that is what you are currently doing.  Easier job for mental health workers, many who were mentally ill themselves and now very compliant they are getting paid.

Devil Went Down to Greytown – song

Sung Devil Went Down To Georgia on the karaoke last night, like songs that test my vocals and timing.  I used to like tongue twisters when I was young.

This was my lyrics to the Charlie Daniels Song Devil Went Down To Georgia.

 

The Devil went down to Greytown she was looking for a soul to steal
She was in a bind cause she was way behind and was willin to make a deal
When she came across this woman blowin on a harp and playing it hot
And the Devil jumped up on a totara stump and said girl let me tell you what

I bet you didn’t know it but I’m a harp player too
And if you’d care to take a dare I’ll make a bet with you
Now you play pretty good harp girl but give the Devil her due
I bet these harps of gold against your soul cause I think I’m better than you
The girl said my name’s Janie and it might be a sin
But I’ll take your bet, you’re gunna regret cause I’m the best that’s ever been

Janie gather up your blow and play your rock harp hard
Cause hells broke loose in Greytown and the Devil deals the cards
And if you win you get those shiny harps made of gold
But if you lose, the Devil gets your soul

The Devil opened up her case and she said I’ll start this show
And fire flew from her evil lips as she began to blow
As she pulled her lips across the harp it made an evil hiss
Then a band of demons joined in and it sounded something like this

Harp solo – Devil

When the Devil finished Janie said well you’re pretty good old girl
But side down in that chair right there and let me give it a whirl
Fire on the mountain, run girls run
The Devil’s in the house of the rising sun
Chicken in the bread bin, pickin out dough
Granny does your dog bite
No child no

Harp solo – Janie

The Devil bowed her head because she knew that she’d been beat
And she laid those golden harps on the ground at Janie’s feet
Janie said, Devil just come on back if you ever wanna try again
I’ve already told you once you evil bitch I’m the best that’s ever been
And she played fire on the mountain, run girls run
The Devil’s in the house of the rising sun
Chicken in the bread bin pickin out dough
Granny does your dog bite
No child no

Harp duo

Anybody musicians wanna do this version using harmonicas instead of fiddles?  Didn’t sound too bad on the karaoke, but Joe has a good setup and mixes songs well – not all of them like that.  Shame because good karaoke is great entertainment, there is so much talent in this country.  Imagine a karaoke bar where there were only good singers and they got paid.

 

Latest letter to the Presiding Judge at Wgtn District Court

8 January 2014

 

 

The Presiding Judge

Wellington District Court

Balance Street

WELLINGTON

 

 

Dear Sir/Madam,

 

CRI

 

Please refer to my letter of 20 November and thank you for arranging a new lawyer, however it is not the sort of legal help I expected.

 

I havn’t spoken to him longer than 20 minutes, prior to Xmas I contacted him either by leaving a message on his answerphone or texting him every day for a week.  He did not call me, just txt and said he had tried to call.  I gave up Xmas/New Year, I had enough to deal with.  Today I have again left a message on his answerphone telling him my situation and asking him to call me urgently.

 

If he doesn’t get the assessment organised soon it will not be ready for the 29 January, I know how these things work.  If this gets delayed again I am going to be really annoyed and will start a protest outside the Court.

 

I did not attend court after I was bailed to appear following my protest occupation of ACC in Aitken Street (2nd wilful trespass charge).  Firstly I didn’t have the money, then my anxiety levels were bad and I wanted to stay safe around home, also I have very little respect for the judicial process and considered it an act of civil disobedience.  I tried to contact my lawyer, I did talk to Wellington Prosecutions about not being able to attend court – the said, tough not their problem so I lost it and swore at them, end of conversation.

 

Over Xmas and New Year I was waiting for the police to turn up and arrest me for failure to appear, I was hoping they would have waited until after the holidays, but they turned up on my birthday 2nd January 8.15am in the morning.  I was very annoyed to start with as I had a day planned with my friend and kids, but then I couldn’t stop laughing about it.  The policemen were really nice & I have known one as a school parent, they were embarrassed about what they had to do.  My case was put off until 29 January when the case for wilful trespass of the law society is being heard.  As I intend to use the same defence for both charges it seems logical to hear them together. 

 

I asked police the day I was arrested to put it out until 29 January, they ignored me, I also asked police prosecutions when I couldn’t turn up for court, they ignored me.  Had to get seen by a JP/Registrar at Masterton court on my birthday instead.  Funny as – me – never imagined my life would have turned out like this. 

 

Police are treating me and my protests with more respect than they were – all of them agree with what I am protesting about.  Just a few don’t like the way I go about it – which is where the Bill of Rights and my right to freedom of expression comes in.  I’m sure it helps that I make a few complaints to the IPCA when they’re mean.

 

I have asked my lawyer to arrange that perhaps court security staff could help me out and I could meet with an assessor/psychiatrist at the court (I see there are some big rooms available?).  However I will only meet with a mental health profession of my choosing (I have had someone recommended by Dr Alan Doris who works in Porirua that may do it). 

 

I refuse to deal with anybody from Forensic Mental Health after they lied to the judge regarding me

not being able to attend an appointment I never knew about.  As I don’t open most of my mail – which is a recognised impairment I have associated with my Complex PTSD – I never knew about it.

 

The last time I was in court for wilful trespass of law society charge the judge told me the psychiatrist had said I refused to attend the assessment ordered by the court.  As you know from my previous letter, that is not true, I have been desperate to get that assessment and done everything I can to make it happen – within the scope of my disability.

 

You are not allowed to lie to a judge, that is perjury, most people know that.  That assessor knew what was happening to me, she knew I couldn’t be seen without security and she knew what I was arrested for.  This person should be sacked and so should John Duncan who also knew my impairments and request for them being accommodated (as required under law!).  When I spoke to John Duncan he said it appeared from our telephone conversation that I was fine and wouldn’t lose it and hurt anybody at an assessment – even though that is what I was telling him.

 

I am horrified to think Forensic Mental Health Services could be – corrupt? Incompetent? Ignorant? Bigoted?  No wonder so many mentally ill disabled people are being persecuted.

 

John Duncan assessed me on the phone as not requiring the security services I was begging for because I was articulate and restrained.  What qualifications does this man have?  After I made a complaint to Forensic Mental Health Services a woman phoned me and wanted me to go over again what was happening to me.  At this point I was in a really bad way and to have to say things again flipped me out, I started swearing at her (terrets type response), told her I couldn’t repeat myself again, told her to read my file.  I don’t know if this person was the one who wrote the report to the judge or it was a supervisor of some sort. 

 

These mental health professionals are ignorant, bigoted and some of them have serious issues, I am educated, articulate, passionate, righteous and truthful and I have issues too.  However I know my disorder, I know my rights, I know what me and thousands of other abuse victims (and mentally ill people) are entitled to and I will go to whatever lengths I deem necessary(without resorting to violence) to get the health care and justice we are entitled to under the law.

 

Still feels surreal, please check out my blogs posts and tweets, see what Xmas and New Year were like for me.  Have decided I have to leave Carterton and move in with a disabled friend – ACC victim.  I don’t want to live in Wainuiomata, I want to live where there are people and places I know. 

 

I have also been going through an unexpected review with WINZ and have lost a large part of my benefit, now relying on a 16yr old and 18yr old to live in this house.  Once my daughter moves out I will have to move, what about my vegetable garden I spent time and money on.  New Zealand is a hell hole for poor people, housing is in crisis and the resentment and discrimination in the community and among families towards people who can’t work it devastating.  I don’t have the money to move, my car isn’t even registered or warranted (already have a $200 fine for that), my only option will be not to pay my rent for weeks and keep the money for myself so I can pay someone to move me.  I have been forced to move because landlords sell the houses I am in so many times my friends told me last time they wouldn’t help me again.  I don’t get on with my family, they make me feel ashamed, I wouldn’t ask them, they have good lives they don’t want to be anywhere near a poor pathetic loser like me. 

 

As I will be closer to Wellington it will be a lot easier to make regular trips into the city for guerrilla protest missions, chalking, singing, poetry, public speaking, etc.  I don’t want to leave the country I feel safer here than the city – please tell me what freedom there is in how I live?  Cause I feel I have no options.  I will make the most of my time over there and my goal for 2014 is to get a job out of the changes I hope and pray will come from the Owen Glenn Inquiry, Parliamentary Inquiry into sexual abuse care and Auditor-General audit of ACC and WINZ and how they treat vulnerable (eg abused) people. The care we all need and a job helping put what is wrong to right – use some of my expertise in law, stress disorders, rehabilitation etc.

 

I know you don’t need this in your letter and just want the facts, but it isn’t my personality and I can’t get hold of my lawyer. 

 

If my lawyer does not get this assessment organised before 29 January I intend to represent myself.  Though I am not sure how that will go considering my mental health at the moment and my living situation will be even worse.  Why, what did I ever do to anybody?  All I want is what I am legally entitled to, all I want is to get better, get a decent job and get on with my life – isn’t 12 years enough for the New Zealand government.

 

This is not fair, this is an injustice, that I have won two ACC reviews to have 12 hours care a week reinstated and am still waiting after four years is grossly negligent and ACC should be subject to Section 157 of the Crimes Act.  Why will none of you act on this, I do intend to protest loudly about this issue in the coming months, probably outside Police HQ, a favourite chalking place of mine.

 

Am not sure what you can do to facilitate access to the security services I need and other things I need to attend this assessment.  I thought a judge could just make it a rule and they would have to do it?  I have no power in this situation, please help me get this sorted.  I don’t want 29 January court session to be a complete waste of time like the last 2/3.  It costs me $35 to get to court.

 

If there is a reply to this letter can I please be contacted by phone I have communication issues .

 

Yours Sincerely

 

JR

www.jrmurphypoet.com  – twitter @jrmurphypoet

fbook /jrmurphypoetmusician

 

Latest poem – Inequality matters, inequality shatters, inequality leaves in tatters, everything that really matters.

 

Just as appropriate – Injustice matters, injustice shatters, injustice leaves in tatters, everything that really matters

Adaption of a parody of the 23rd Psalm in Michael Savage Biography

This was written around 1935, but I’ve changed it a little to apply to today.

John Key is my Shepherd, I’m in want
He maketh me to lie down in others houses
He leadeth me beside the still asylums
He disturbeth my soul
He leadeth me to the path of destruction for his Party’s sake
Yea! though I walk through the valley of the darklands
I anticipate no recovery for thou art with me
Thou preparest a reduction in my income, in the presence of mine enemies
Thou annointest my income with taxes and fines;
My credit runneth over;
Surely unemployment and poverty will follow me
All the days of thy neo-liberal administration
And I shall dwell in rental houses for ever…

In the book there is a Coates government and depression, much homelessness and unemployment, many similarities with what is happening today or what could happen if we let the neo-liberal right-wing keep up their bullshit.

I have put an emphasis on the closure of so many inpatient mental health facilities (during the 1980s and 90s) and the refusal to fund more facilities now (especially targeted at abused people with stress disorders)- with people left homeless and families stressed over basic needs like housing and food.

Wish I could own my own home, so unfair Bob Jones & Graeme Tulloch get to borrow $millions and I’m not allowed enough to ensure myself a home.

Back to my book and this excerpt:

“The first Labour Party objective was to use the country’s resources.

First: For the purpose of restoring a decent living standard to those who have been deprived of essentials for the past five years.  Second: To organise an internal economy that will distribute the production and services in a way that will guarantee to every p erson able and willing to work an income sufficient to provide him and his dependents with everything necessary to make a ‘home’ and ‘home life’ in the best sense of the meaning of those terms.”

 

Police picked me up 2 Jan – my birthday

Masterton Police station back entrance

Masterton Police station back entrance

Yip 8.15am on Thursday two police came to my door, I wasn’t very pleased or polite to start with because I didn’t think they worked on public holidays and was looking forward to the day I had planned.

They are two really nice guys, I know one as a school parent, you could tell they didn’t want to be doing what they were.  Made them wait until I got changed, girls were asleep told them police were taking me to court for a few hours I would be back about 11.  They went back to sleep.

By the time I got to Masterton I thought the whole thing was funny, really – on my birthday – being arrested for failing to appear in Wellington before Xmas, now that’s a story to tell your grandkids.  I had tried to contact my lawyer for a week, tried to talk to police prosecutions in Wellington, was pissed off mental health had delayed my court hearing by another two months.  I didn’t want to spend the little money I had on getting to court plus I had bad anxiety and needed to stay close to home.  I knew this case was related to the one on 29 January and asked for them to be heard together but was ignored.

When I was being processed at Masterton police station I was put in an interview room, I had a bad flashback outside the room to a time when I was severely traumatised by two people from mental health.  Had to stop for a minute started ticking and shaking my hands, told him what was happening and I needed a minute to overcome the anxiety, he was good – usually they’re busy and don’t understand so make it worse.  Was there about two hours, they said they had picked me up that day (not knowing it was my birthday) because they knew it would be a really quick process with one other person needing to be seen.  Who knew they worked on a public holiday – I wonder how much that JP got paid and the other 4-5 court staff.

When he checked my bag, cause he has to, there was a bible, my wallet, phone and a pen.  he became uncomfortable when he saw the bible, didn’t have to go in the cells or handcuffs or anything, that’s the good thing about living in a small town and knowing your local police officers.  He mentioned about understanding that this was part of a protest but he was just doing his job.

When I get anxious I want to write, so I started to write in the back of the bible, he got me some paper when I asked which was nice.  In the cells they won’t let you have pen and paper – not good for my brain.  Wrote the beginnings of a poem/song, still needs work:

What a way to start the year
With the police and courts in my ear

The car arrives, the policeman drives
The forms filled out I’m guilty no doubt

Jeeze on my birthday’s pretty tough
Don’t you think I’ve had enough

Judith Collins, Mr Key, Paula Bennett tell me please
Why kick those abused while on their knees

Although now I can’t stop laughing about it, what happened was so ridiculous.  Poor cops, they hate being stuck in the middle.  Talked to a court officer who said third of the people he deals with are mentally ill.  Told them everything that had been happening with courts and mental health etc, told them this was all mental health and ACCs fault and I was going to give them shit when I could.  Asked again for them to investigate my complaints – they won’t.

Everything that has happened will be great information for the Owen Glenn Inquiry and Auditor-General.  While everybody is having a good time on their holidays, people like John Key, Judith Collins and Paula Bennett I am being subjected to a barrage of bureaucracy from WINZ, police, justice system – a situation I would not be in if any of these people had listened to my complaints.  A situation the people I am dealing with don’t want to be in either – the policemen & women, WINZ case managers, private secretaries of politicians.

If I had the care I had in 2009 this would not be happening, if I had had my care reinstated as required this would not be happening.  If mental health had provided security services so I could meet with mental health professionals this would not be happening.  If the New Zealand government, including ACC, mental health, police, human rights commission, ombudsman, health and disability commission, law commission, etc were doing their jobs this would not be happening.  If John Duncan had provided security services this would not be happening.  If the psychiatrist hadn’t lied to the judge this would not be happening.  If I hadn’t been out on bail for six months this would not be happening.  If I had money and a job this would not be happening.

Gave Judith Collins shit on twitter, made several comments on news sites about their good holidays compared with mine.  Very grumpy this morning, stressed about the future, worried about the WINZ meeting.  The thought of ticking & looking like a total fruitcake in front of everybody doubles the anxiety about it all.  I’m going to ask for the CCTV footage to show people what happens to me.  It is horrible, it is exhausting, it is traumatising, it always sets off an eating binge I can’t afford and will probably throw up.  Again this would not be happening if I had all of the things I am entitled to and fight for.

It is the year of the Horse, my hope is that the promise of building bridges and setting foundations will come to fruition and we will change the mental health system and professional health support and rehabilitation for abused and mentally ill people.

Kia kaha to us all.

Andrew Little said I didn’t know history in regards to Lee & Savage

A few pages on in my book and this is what the biographer says about the differences between Lee and Savage, you decide who you think the more compassionate and honourable man.  Interesting – Andrew Little supports Lee and I support Savage.

“…in 1933 caucus rejected by 12 votes to 6 the proposal from Savage that a compulsory loan, graduated according to income, should be raised from taxpayers to foster industry and employment.  It was opposed by a majority including Lee, the latter by that time very much influenced by the concept of ‘debt-free’ money created by the state for public works, instead of, rather than as an addition to loans and taxation.”

Lee became increasingly critical of Savage during the 1930s.  The 2 men differed not only over monetary policy, Lee a far more impulsive, dogmatic, belligerent and egotistical personality than Savage, began to show growing contempt for Savages moderation, his willingness to consider non-doctrinaire remedies to the Depression, and his single-minded commitment to politics to the exclusion of literature, promiscuous sex, and the other activities that Lee believed made life worth living.”

Savage was critical of Lees under-handed tactics prior to 1931 election.

Lee did not like savage because of his “dislike of fringe financial institutions that lent money at high interest rates to those desperate for credit during the Depression.  Lee, who thundered from the platform against the moneylenders ….. was a shareholder in four loan companies that lent money at high interest rates to workers on the security of their tools of trade or household furniture.  Many people in the Labour party spoke out strongly against this and wanted action taken against him.

Again interesting that Andrew Little would support this sort of behaviour in a politician.  I wonder how many shares he has in loan companies or other dubious businesses?  Wonder what his golden handshake will be when he leaves parliament?  ACC spokesperson for ACC – talked to him about the appauling treatment of sensitive claimants outside Parliament, he did nothing.  Just said he had lots of complaints but there was nothing he could do – what a load of bullshit, they should be asking more questions in the house, participating in inquiry into sexual abuse care.  No instead he is giving me shit on twitter when I talk about Labour party history.

Lee was also supportive of Hitler and as NAZISM had the support of the Germany people he believed others should not object.  YIPES.  Given Andrew Little supports such a form of government by the greedy, cruel, immoral majority as Lee did I would suggest he is one of the enemy. Another one of those MPs I want to hear my music and poetry for an hour, completely out-of-touch with reality of life living in the darklands of New Zealand.